Discussion How do you deal with the feelings of guilt and shame?

[CrazyDiamond04]

I have this constant sense of guilt for the people around me in my life. I feel guilty for being who I am, and I feel undeserving of any nice things that I receive, or kindness that is shown to me. I have this bad tendency to push people away from me because I feel bad being around them. Does anyone else struggle with this?

 

[moron]

I do too, mainly I feel ashamed of the choices I have made which have resulted in my life being such a mess. I deal with it poorly, for instance I avoid contacting people I used to know, and ignoring their attempts to reconnect. Maybe they could help me in some way, either it could help me feel better, or maybe they would be able to offer solutions to my problems. But still I can't bring myself to talk to anyone from my past. Thank you for sharing and good luck out there

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

It's not easy to get to believing "I'm good enough." It's hard work. No one is perfect, but you are"good enough."

Start by replacing the negative thought by just saying "I'm good enough." Or something similar that works for you.

 

[bigmanharsh]

In my experience, there really is no feasible way to push away this guilt. It is clearly something deeply ingrained into you. The best thing to do is to try to stay as out of your head as you feasibly can, Try to put in more efforts into things so you can get your brain to feel less guilty. As another commentor mentioned, affirmations can come handy. although i find them a bit corny. p.s. - based profile picture! love nailbomb.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

In my experience, there really is no feasible way to push away this guilt. It is clearly something deeply ingrained into you. The best thing to do is to try to stay as out of your head as you feasibly can, Try to put in more efforts into things so you can get your brain to feel less guilty. As another commentor mentioned, affirmations can come handy. although i find them a bit corny. p.s. - based profile picture! love nailbomb.

I understand what you mean; I try to distract myself as much as I can with other things so I don't get in my own head as much. Also yeah! Nailbomb is awesome! Love Cavalera!

 

[scientificmethid]

Man. If there is an answer to this question, I am all ears. Struggling with this has nearly killed me, and yet may.

 

[vak]

I've heard of a method that suggests when we are tormented by our thoughts, it's too late to confront them directly. This is because they originate from a part of the mind that tries to protect us from danger, and being tormented by these thoughts only reinforces the brain's process of trying to guard us against those situations.

Instead, we should proactively confront these thoughts, engaging the thinking part of our brain. This proactive approach is when you can make amends and forgive yourself, by willingly sitting down to think things through, rather than letting your mind spontaneously bring them up.

 

[aWeeBitTired]

I've heard of a method that suggests when we are tormented by our thoughts, it's too late to confront them directly. This is because they originate from a part of the mind that tries to protect us from danger, and being tormented by these thoughts only reinforces the brain's process of trying to guard us against those situations.

Instead, we should proactively confront these thoughts, engaging the thinking part of our brain. This proactive approach is when you can make amends and forgive yourself, by willingly sitting down to think things through, rather than letting your mind spontaneously bring them up.

Mindfulness meditation can help with this too.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I've heard of a method that suggests when we are tormented by our thoughts, it's too late to confront them directly. This is because they originate from a part of the mind that tries to protect us from danger, and being tormented by these thoughts only reinforces the brain's process of trying to guard us against those situations.

Instead, we should proactively confront these thoughts, engaging the thinking part of our brain. This proactive approach is when you can make amends and forgive yourself, by willingly sitting down to think things through, rather than letting your mind spontaneously bring them up.

That makes a lot of sense. I've been trying more recently to do more things to directly confront my thoughts and think about it more thoroughly. It's hard but I hope it pays off.

 

[Garf125]

I have this constant sense of guilt for the people around me in my life. I feel guilty for being who I am, and I feel undeserving of any nice things that I receive, or kindness that is shown to me. I have this bad tendency to push people away from me because I feel bad being around them. Does anyone else struggle with this?

I developed schizoid personality disorder but I wouldn't recommend that method

 

[broth0100]

I completely struggle w this. Ive been trying to just learn to trust ppl if they tell me they like something abt me or watever, or to just approach situations openly or watever. Kind of hard, but i have to work on it now bc i have a partner so i cant just tell them "oh ur wrong n im a piece of shit actually"
I think tht sometimes, once youve grown close enough to a person n trust them a little bit, it can help just to tell them tht u struggle w those thoughts abt urself, just so they can b aware. N maybe they'll b able to work thru it w u

 

[DarkRange55]

Shame and guilt differ in their focus. Guilt is typically focused on specific behaviors or actions, where someone feels remorse for something they have done wrong. On the other hand, shame is more about the self, where someone feels bad about who they are as a person, rather than just their actions. Guilt can be productive, leading to accountability and the desire to make amends, while shame tends to be more destructive and can lead to feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy.

Guilt - accept the reality that these things happened but do not let them cloud and poison you. If you are going to be a positive influence, you need to forgive yourself.
Shame - you will never find balance if you deny aspects of your life.

 

[Linda]

The only way I know of dealing with guilt feelings is to ignore them. It works quite well.

 

[chaosdrifter]

i know shame very well and for me it really helps to open up to close and turstworthy friends. it obviously depends but when i feel very ashamed for my feelings eg i try to go through the same (sometimes it takes me 10+ attempts) to start talking/verbalize them and eventually i would end up hiding behind pillows... but when i manage to say it, after a few hours/days i usually feel less ashamed than before. and sometimes i even manage to laugh about myself because it is absurd and ridiculous how my body behaves in those situations.