Help How do you deal with Loneliness?

[UnnervedCompany]

I called my dad today just so he can tell me about his new apartment. He slightly mentioned he was lonely since his friends live far away and he works overseas from the family. I cried hysterically during the call since I just had to go through a departure with a man I was close with so it felt extremely difficult hearing my dad go through something similar. I wonder how do I deal with this feeling of loneliness and the issue with departure. I sometimes imagine being born without the ability to feel anything but that is not reality so I should not dwell on it. How do I get over being lonely and missing people.

 

[killorbekilled]

I don't think you can ever get over loneliness and missing people. Humans crave social interaction. I usually just talk to myself or go on social media like this site or discord.

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

The cure to loneliness is human connection. Thankfully, technology can help us connect over long distances. Ask yourself: what are the things that give you pleasure and that you enjoy doing that you and the other person(s) have in common and just go for it with the loved one(s). If you don't know: explore the topic with them (ask: based on your top 5 values, what do you like to engage with that brings you contentment and happiness), make a list (a Venn diagram) of what they like and what you like, and for those activities you've in common, schedule time in doing them together. It can also be being a listener (non judgemental) for the more challenging times of our lives.

 

[UnnervedCompany]

The cure to loneliness is human connection. Thankfully, technology can help us connect over long distances. Ask yourself: what are the things that give you pleasure and that you enjoy doing that you and the other person(s) have in common and just go for it with the loved one(s). If you don't know: explore the topic with them (ask: based on your top 5 values, what do you like to engage with that brings you contentment and happiness), make a list (a Venn diagram) of what they like and what you like, and for those activities you've in common, schedule time in doing them together. It can also be being a listener (non judgemental) for the more challenging times of our lives.

I am afraid I don't want to get hurt again also I AM TERRIBLE AT MAKING FRIENDS. I have 2 friends in uni and I literally got them because I was asking a girl where she was going she told me she is going to meet someone and I followed her. The repeated pattern of meeting people and then they leave hurts so much am I just supposed to live with it?

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I am afraid I don't want to get hurt again also I AM TERRIBLE AT MAKING FRIENDS. I have 2 friends in uni and I literally got them because I was asking a girl where she was going she told me she is going to meet someone and I followed her. The repeated pattern of meeting people and then they leave hurts so much am I just supposed to live with it?

The hallmark of complex trauma is connection being our deepest desire and at the same time what we're afraid of the most. It can be really hard to experience rejection and go through pain when trying to form relationships (of any kind: romantic, friendships etc.). Yes, and, if we have at least one person in our lives who's safe, healthy and non judgemental that can land us an ear it can make a world of difference. We can open up to them about our experiences, share connection and learn self compassion and that other's actions are outside of our control, while at the same time keeping in our mindful awareness that we can go through the pain, learn healthy ways of coping (if we don't have that already) and find healthy people with whom we can make connections. Yes, and, if there's no one in our life with whom we feel and think that we can safely open up to, a trauma therapist (! Specialized in treating trauma, especially complex trauma as we're discussing the more relational aspect of human interaction) can help.

 

[notwhereIbelong]

I don't, I just beg people to please spend some time with me and give me some attention. Worst case scenario, I go on forums and reply/make threads in search for a crumb of human interaction.

 

[Electra]

Worst case scenario, I go on forums and reply/make threads in search for a crumb of human interaction.

That's not a bad idea actually. I do believe there are many people out there who are lonely and in search of human interaction. So going on forums and replying to someone's message may actually be a nice way of starting a conversation or maybe even a start of a beautiful friendship.