Discussion how do you cope with psychosis?

[interna]

title. how do you cope? are you on any meds? how does it affect your wanting to ctb?

my psychotic symptoms come and go whenever im extremely depressed, as i have psychotic depression. i have enough of my insight intact that i can recognize whenever im starting to "slip" into what normal people would call paranoid, delusional or the like. i never really believe people though, and even though my insight is intact, i still have some interesting beliefs, to say the least. which may or may not be delusional (i dont think they are); one would compare these to magical or grandiose thinking, but i strongly disagree lol. i also have small auditory hallucinations when too stressed, or visual ones like vermin or shadows (how cliche).

i am supposed to be on antipsychotics, or at least i would be if i went to a MH professional, which i strongly dislike. whenever i do, it leaves me feeling way more suicidal and stupid than usual. also, when i was put on aripiprazole, my hallucinations got way worse. so i dont ever wanna discuss this with a psychiatrist or the like ever again really, i prefer rawdogging it than be called schizophrenic by an old lady then drugged up all day. im starting not to trust doctors either but thats another story

anyway, its been really hard dealing with it. not a week goes by that im not paranoid or fearful of things in my life, or "connecting dots" or stuff like that. its pretty compulsive at this point, but some of the things i think about do really make sense to me. i don't think im entirely wrong in my thinking, as its saved my ass multiple times, although it's really not foolproof as it contributes to my suicidality pretty heavily with beliefs of being destined to kill myself or my mission being to ctb. im scared of going fully psychotic one day but it's bound to happen anyhow. i just hope i don't sound too ridiculous whenever i do. /ᐠ·.·ᐟ\ʃ

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I got a psych diagnose me with "psychotic episodes" giving me aripiprazole and call it a day.

I stopped the treatment cuz it gave me akathisia and other stuff.

Honestly i don't even know how it manifest itself, rather it's delusions/paranoïa/hallucinations.

I ghosted all my friends and isolated myself because i'm terrified of going "psycho/insane" or snapping.

My way to cope is to drink till i'm almost passed out, rotting in my room with the daily panic attack and feeling of anguish, hoping the bottle will drown all of this shit.

 

[telekon]

This world needs people who can connect the dots. Are you sure you're crazy? You could just be very spiritual and experiencing spiritual phenomena. You should try meditating and finding a way to use your gifts so they are productive.

 

[interna]

This world needs people who can connect the dots. Are you sure you're crazy? You could just be very spiritual and experiencing spiritual phenomena. You should try meditating and finding a way to use your gifts so they are productive.

nah, i wish, but most of the time its pointless pattern seeking. happens to me fairly often.
it does suck however because i *am* a spiritual person, or consider myself to be one, at least. its really frustrating trying to connect with that side to myself only to be guided astray by my mental conditions. ):

I got a psych diagnose me with "psychotic episodes" giving me aripiprazole and call it a day.

I stopped the treatment cuz it gave me akathisia and other stuff.

Honestly i don't even know how it manifest itself, rather it's delusions/paranoïa/hallucinations.

I ghosted all my friends and isolated myself because i'm terrified of going "psycho/insane" or snapping.

My way to cope is to drink till i'm almost passed out, rotting in my room with the daily panic attack and feeling of anguish, hoping the bottle will drown all of this shit.

damn, are we the same person? lol. it sucks you also had no luck with aripiprazole. there's been at least one case study where it worsened psychosis symptoms too, so its nice to know im not alone. i think they wanted to get 2 birds with 1 stone since its also used for treating major depressive disorder.
i can relate to turning to alcohol for coping and the whole ghosting as prevention thing. i tend to drink fairly often whenever i can afford it because it annihilates my social anxiety, and i also feel like i need to isolate myself to not hurt my friends or freak out in front of them. sending hugs

 

[adamantc]

title. how do you cope? are you on any meds? how does it affect your wanting to ctb?

my psychotic symptoms come and go whenever im extremely depressed, as i have psychotic depression. i have enough of my insight intact that i can recognize whenever im starting to "slip" into what normal people would call paranoid, delusional or the like. i never really believe people though, and even though my insight is intact, i still have some interesting beliefs, to say the least. which may or may not be delusional (i dont think they are); one would compare these to magical or grandiose thinking, but i strongly disagree lol. i also have small auditory hallucinations when too stressed, or visual ones like vermin or shadows (how cliche).

i am supposed to be on antipsychotics, or at least i would be if i went to a MH professional, which i strongly dislike. whenever i do, it leaves me feeling way more suicidal and stupid than usual. also, when i was put on aripiprazole, my hallucinations got way worse. so i dont ever wanna discuss this with a psychiatrist or the like ever again really, i prefer rawdogging it than be called schizophrenic by an old lady then drugged up all day. im starting not to trust doctors either but thats another story

anyway, its been really hard dealing with it. not a week goes by that im not paranoid or fearful of things in my life, or "connecting dots" or stuff like that. its pretty compulsive at this point, but some of the things i think about do really make sense to me. i don't think im entirely wrong in my thinking, as its saved my ass multiple times, although it's really not foolproof as it contributes to my suicidality pretty heavily with beliefs of being destined to kill myself or my mission being to ctb. im scared of going fully psychotic one day but it's bound to happen anyhow. i just hope i don't sound too ridiculous whenever i do. /ᐠ·.·ᐟ\ʃ

They'll kill me anyways. I went off medication for psychosis, despite a 'diagnosis'. No medication can stop physical entities. I found that they clouded my judgement and made me perform worse at work. I'm running on borrowed time anyways. I find that concentration makes my mind focus less on them, but I fear they know and are trying to cloud my judgement and destroy my concentration. My job requires concentration, and i'd hate to no longer be able to participate in it. I hope that ctb can be my first and last action against them.