ender boy
tell me what to feel.
- May 21, 2024
- 13
I've been poor my whole life.
I grew up poor to the point where many times we didn't have electricity at home, we would use candles to light up the house at night. We showered with cold water even in the winter when we didn't have warm water. Luxury is never something we can allow ourselves.
And even now, as an adult, I'm poor since I'm a student, and though I'm a freelance artist, commissions come hard and it feels impossible to make good money.
How does one cope with this?
Today I wanted to treat myself to something I've been wanting for a long while. But I checked my balance and I barely have money, only a bit that I have to keep for monthly expenses.
I already struggle a lot because many of my friends are in similar situations and I always support them financially or buy gifts instead of treating myself to something.
Life feels so impossible, and all I can feel right now is disappointment, anger and sadness. I think about how cursed I am to have spent most of my life on art, something which is being replaced by AI use constantly. I think about how I should have pursued something else entirely and found the right path to finally get rid of this curse of poorness I've had to endure.
I understand I'm in a privliged situation to be able to study and have my mother support me financially. But I can't help but be upset at myself, I see all the success online and though I work hard I feel stunted.
I don't want to hear how happiness can't be bought with money. That's bullshit. When people around me are in constant danger and I could provide an out for them if I were rich, I don't want to hear something like that.
How does one cope? Do I just need to work harder? No treats for myself, no spending on others, put all the money away? I feel helpless and am losing hope.
I grew up poor to the point where many times we didn't have electricity at home, we would use candles to light up the house at night. We showered with cold water even in the winter when we didn't have warm water. Luxury is never something we can allow ourselves.
And even now, as an adult, I'm poor since I'm a student, and though I'm a freelance artist, commissions come hard and it feels impossible to make good money.
How does one cope with this?
Today I wanted to treat myself to something I've been wanting for a long while. But I checked my balance and I barely have money, only a bit that I have to keep for monthly expenses.
I already struggle a lot because many of my friends are in similar situations and I always support them financially or buy gifts instead of treating myself to something.
Life feels so impossible, and all I can feel right now is disappointment, anger and sadness. I think about how cursed I am to have spent most of my life on art, something which is being replaced by AI use constantly. I think about how I should have pursued something else entirely and found the right path to finally get rid of this curse of poorness I've had to endure.
I understand I'm in a privliged situation to be able to study and have my mother support me financially. But I can't help but be upset at myself, I see all the success online and though I work hard I feel stunted.
I don't want to hear how happiness can't be bought with money. That's bullshit. When people around me are in constant danger and I could provide an out for them if I were rich, I don't want to hear something like that.
How does one cope? Do I just need to work harder? No treats for myself, no spending on others, put all the money away? I feel helpless and am losing hope.
