SadHam
Once a happy ham, now a sad ham.
- Feb 9, 2020
- 26
Every second of every day all I think about is killing myself but I'm so fucking gutless. Year after year. All these fuckong happy people, and long caring relationships. I've lost all of it. Everything that had meaning. I haven't slept more than an hour in the past 40 hours now. No drugs, no nothing. Just pure insomnia, homelessness, fear, terror.
I just want it to end. Just wipe me out, please. Give me an aneurism or a stroke. A heart attack. No more talking, no more time will heal.
No more "relief" through therapy. Just terminate me. She's gone, homes gone, futures gone and I'm old.
Just a quiet death, take me away from feeling this loss. This failure of a life. Every goddam second man, my brain, telling me to kill myself. All the time, every day, every week.
To old to get any of it back, especially without the double downed fear of it going again just like I felt before. Creeping into everyavtion, ruining the best times of my life.
Sorry. Needed to put this somewhere.
I just want it to end. Just wipe me out, please. Give me an aneurism or a stroke. A heart attack. No more talking, no more time will heal.
No more "relief" through therapy. Just terminate me. She's gone, homes gone, futures gone and I'm old.
Just a quiet death, take me away from feeling this loss. This failure of a life. Every goddam second man, my brain, telling me to kill myself. All the time, every day, every week.
To old to get any of it back, especially without the double downed fear of it going again just like I felt before. Creeping into everyavtion, ruining the best times of my life.
Sorry. Needed to put this somewhere.