Venting how do they do it

[SadHam]

Every second of every day all I think about is killing myself but I'm so fucking gutless. Year after year. All these fuckong happy people, and long caring relationships. I've lost all of it. Everything that had meaning. I haven't slept more than an hour in the past 40 hours now. No drugs, no nothing. Just pure insomnia, homelessness, fear, terror.

I just want it to end. Just wipe me out, please. Give me an aneurism or a stroke. A heart attack. No more talking, no more time will heal.

No more "relief" through therapy. Just terminate me. She's gone, homes gone, futures gone and I'm old.

Just a quiet death, take me away from feeling this loss. This failure of a life. Every goddam second man, my brain, telling me to kill myself. All the time, every day, every week.

To old to get any of it back, especially without the double downed fear of it going again just like I felt before. Creeping into everyavtion, ruining the best times of my life.

Sorry. Needed to put this somewhere.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I have echoed ur exact sentiments..My heart goes out to u. I'm so sorry to hear the pain ur going thru..I'm so sorry. It's so hard to find the words to soothe this type of pain.just know that ur not alone..sending u love, strength, peace, comfort, n hope..here for u n feel ur pain

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish knew what I could do to help you. I feel so bad for you having to go through this. I thought you should know I care even though my words aren't worth much.

 

[Lostandfound7]

And u never have to apologize for expressing yourself here..we're here for u..♡

 

[SadHam]

I do need to apologize because I'm a fucking basket case and no one deserves to suffer my insufferable shit. I do it to everyone and it just gets worse and worse. Fuck do I wish I could get it together to get some pentobarbital and find a suitable meadow to just sleep in.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Really no need to apologise at all. Its one of the reasons the forum is here. I'm so sorry for all your pain. I don't know all your circumstances but I do understand something of what you feel. I have no way out and very little help, chronic unmanaged illness, very very little sleep and today, pain too. Its exhausting and thankless, so I'm not surprised you feel as you do. I can't help you but I can say that I get it and I'm sorry and I feel very similar. I know you may not feel up to it, so i understand, but I'd really like to see more of your paintings. I used to paint and I miss it a lot.

 

[Csmith8827]

I honestly don't know how they do it. I assume by the title of your post your referring to the actual act of killing yourself. I think you just have to get to that point mentally or emotionally... psychologically etc... I don't know if a sane individual can unless there extremely brave.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I do need to apologize because I'm a fucking basket case and no one deserves to suffer my insufferable shit. I do it to everyone and it just gets worse and worse. Fuck do I wish I could get it together to get some pentobarbital and find a suitable meadow to just sleep in.

Hey, we're all basket cases here!. Ur just a tired, hurt person, like most of us here! Plz continue to vent n release. Dont keep it bottled up. We can handle it ..I care about u. We care about u
Plz show us more of ur paintings!!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hey @SadHam - how are you doing? Are you still painting?

 

[SadHam]

Hey @SadHam - how are you doing? Are you still painting?

Still painting, cant so as much as I want to, on a friends couch at the moment so cant really set up the way I was. Would you like anything painted?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well, if you want to, sure, though you mustn't feel you have to. I like woodland or moorland or coastal seascapes.
I've always liked this guy's work Steve Slimm

 

[Iloveyouall]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/attachments/20200226_011723-jpg.28446/

I really like this one. What is it ?

I've always liked this guy's work Steve Slimm

I like him too now, thanks, I didn't know him.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

How are you doing @SadHam still painting?

 

[SadHam]

How are you doing @SadHam still painting?

I'm alive for now, hopefully not much longer. I dig my own hole

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh mate why what's going on?

 

[SadHam]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/attachments/20200226_011723-jpg.28446/

I really like this one. What is it ?


I like him too now, thanks, I didn't know him.

Thank you, just an idea I painted. Based around a super structure of some sort rising above the clouds/pollution.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey @SadHam ! Missed u!

Plz post some more of ur art!

 

[SadHam]

Oh mate why what's going on?

Just the same as always. Doesn't really end.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Based around a super structure of some sort rising above the clouds/pollution.

Ooooh so it's clouds down there, I like it even more now.

 

[SadHam]

Hey @SadHam ! Missed u!

Plz post some more of ur art!

Sure.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Sure.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/attachments/project_1573810982035-gif.28914/

I love it, it's so cute.

 

[SadHam]

Sure.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sure.

Hahaha that's brilliant brought a smile to my face. Sorry you are so unhappy. It's good to see you around here and always good to see the paintings.

 

[Iloveyouall]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/attachments/20200303_204229-jpg.28916/

I like this one.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I want to paint again now.