Help How do I talk to others about feeling suicidal?

[Citruscine]

Sometimes being suicidal / mentally ill feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel like it's hard to begin recovering when you can't talk openly about suicide. I was raised in a culture where it was very much taboo to even mention anything about mental illness, so a majority of my experiences revolve around pretending it doesn't exist, talking around it, and making allusions or jokes pertaining to it, but never really having a proper discussion that gets deep into it.

To people who have never seriously considered killing themselves, it is almost unfathomable to them that you don't love life, don't have aspirations for the future, and that you would rather kill yourself than keep living. It's so hard to talk to them because they don't have the same perspective that you do and they often view suicide as something irrational or immoral.

And to others who are not pro-life extremists and can understand or have felt similarly before, you need to walk a fine line -- trying to not spread negativity, and make others sad, upset, worried, etc. You almost feel burdensome on top of all the depressive thoughts you have by bringing things up. In the few occasions that I have mentioned anything about mental health to friends and family, I have mostly been met with avoidance, denial, and discomfort.

Mentioning mental health around colleagues, professors, or professionals at work is like rolling a dice because you never know if it will affect your academics or employment.

When people tell you to "talk to someone" (they don't mean themselves, they mean counsellors, therapists, or helplines so that they don't have to deal with it) they don't understand how hard it is. You need to be able to:

• express your feelings in a calm and rational manner so as to not overwhelm or go past the emotional boundaries of the other person,
• not understate how bad it is so that they understand the level of pain you are feeling
• not express the severity too strongly so that they don't call the police, tell family members when it is not appropriate and will make things worse or force you involuntarily into a psych ward

I do my best but most of the time it's too hard to do that so I just don't say anything. I've had therapists ask me to make a safety plan, but I never follow them because when I get to that point it feels too hard to get help.

I understand that to a non-trained or unprepared person, it is often hard to know how to respond. But it sucks that it feels so impossible to try to talk about suicide at all…

I don't want to be the type of person who makes people around me uncomfortable by constantly commenting about things, or venting online but its so hard to keep everything contained inside myself. I do want to die, but for now since I feel like I can't kill myself right now, I need to keep going somehow and I'm so tired of trying to talk myself down from suicide all the time.

 

[tiredangelgirl]

I met a woman at my job last week and she has 2 young girls and she said the one who's 14 came to her and said she was suicidal. they talked about it, came up with a treatment plan, a list of things to do to distract herself when she feels that way and they went out for ice cream to cheer her up. It almost made me cry because I couldn't imagine how different my life would be if I could openly talk about these feelings the second I first started feeling them

 

[guayabas]

luckily this is a place where you can vent about it and ppl won't make it weird. It is messed up that it's not safe to talk about it anywhere else though. like, how are ppl supposed process and move past it if they have to heavily censor themselves or pretend everything is fine?

 

[huntergirl14]

I know people who have said "you can talk to me anytime" or similar, and these words are the biggest LIES someone ever tells you. Because when you do talk they won't reply, when you do talk, they will act like you are burden on them.

 

[Sulyya]

I personally like having specific place like this for it. I'll never tell anyone irl. I think I'd get earnest attempts to help but most would be counter productive and I just wouldn't want to bother them. Which is bad. tiredangelgirl's example should be the goal.