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i am so lainpilled :3 (? days left)
- Apr 15, 2023
- 248
I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that I will cease to be forever next Saturday but it's so surreal to me. Like I've spent most of my life wishing to die but now that I'm so close, it doesn't feel real. I've thought about this for a while and decided that CTB is the only way forward. I no longer want to be plagued by trauma of the past. I no longer want to continue to sabotage myself in the present. I no longer want to watch my future collapse all around me. I want freedom from this god awful existence but despite all this, part of my brain still tells me to continue living in case things get better but I've not only been waiting for years but actively trying to make things better for myself, only to suffer abuse or humiliation in response. I never asked to be born and believe I have the right to correct things through my death but my brain keeps forcing baseless delusions of a so-called future in my brain. How do I stop this? (I just really need to go oh god please)