Discussion How do I overcome the will to live?

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that I will cease to be forever next Saturday but it's so surreal to me. Like I've spent most of my life wishing to die but now that I'm so close, it doesn't feel real. I've thought about this for a while and decided that CTB is the only way forward. I no longer want to be plagued by trauma of the past. I no longer want to continue to sabotage myself in the present. I no longer want to watch my future collapse all around me. I want freedom from this god awful existence but despite all this, part of my brain still tells me to continue living in case things get better but I've not only been waiting for years but actively trying to make things better for myself, only to suffer abuse or humiliation in response. I never asked to be born and believe I have the right to correct things through my death but my brain keeps forcing baseless delusions of a so-called future in my brain. How do I stop this? (I just really need to go oh god please)

 

[アホペンギン]

This is survival instinct, it is normal unless your survival instinct is completely broken and it is very hard and painful to get to that point. You know deep down that it will be the end soon and I assume that your survival instinct got influenced by this way of thinking and is now being activated at the thought of ctb soon.

 

[cscott]

I want to die literally so bad but I too struggle so much with the thought of just ending it when time comes even though I certainly will!! and that's it I'm just gone done.

Like is it so simple, sometimes it feels to good to be true.. but what will the experience be like.. I've also too for so long thought of death to be experienced as something mystical so to think of the thought of just somewhat suffering until I am out just seems so sad & lone some. It's very hard to just see myself moving into the last steps and doing this as I become scared & it feels like my worst nightmare but again it's backwards cause to live each day lonely anyway is my worst nightmare so I think the thought of life has to become so dark that u eventually are happy to just experince the death however it may happen. I dunno man, it's a real dark place to be

 

[telw84]

Hey man Al your posts are so relatable, honestly they rly are, if you need a chin wag feel free to chuck us a mge, always here to talk and meet new people, even if online, I can so relate to your posts, take care friend, in answer to your question buds, honestly, I no sure we ever overcome the si, as humans we are hardwired to seek to live, just the way it is, our species is designed to preserve itself and procreate, there so ingrained into our psyches I dont think it can ever be overcome truly, I think what separates those of us who went through with it and succeeded to those of us still lingering, was just sheer will power, and the fact they simply had enough, but how many regretted it in there final moments ? Or werent so sure ? We can never know as those are already gone, maybe some of them had no regrets whatsoever, but it is an intriguing question, point is we are built to have some degree of si, wish that wasnt the case but it is unfortunately,

 

[Lys_C15H25N3O_d3]

it has abandoned me. but this time it has left for good. the will to the live? she packed up her things and walked away

 

[UKscotty]

This is the main question for us all really.

Methods and accessibility is the easy part now days. Overcoming SI is hard as all those who did it are no longer here to share the secret.

 

[Morgengrauen]

Asking the age old question.

only times i've managed to get past SI during past attempts it was during very high distress situations or being so dissociated/drugged out of my mind that self preservation didn't properly functioned anymore, which lead to either attempting out of impulse or butchering prepared plans making it obviously fail.

Best ways (at least for me) would be trying to get into a dissociative state or calming down via substances until the anxiety isn't enough to hold one back but it's hard to control/getting into this on command and the subconscious still can sense oncoming danger.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that I will cease to be forever next Saturday but it's so surreal to me. Like I've spent most of my life wishing to die but now that I'm so close, it doesn't feel real. I've thought about this for a while and decided that CTB is the only way forward. I no longer want to be plagued by trauma of the past. I no longer want to continue to sabotage myself in the present. I no longer want to watch my future collapse all around me. I want freedom from this god awful existence but despite all this, part of my brain still tells me to continue living in case things get better but I've not only been waiting for years but actively trying to make things better for myself, only to suffer abuse or humiliation in response. I never asked to be born and believe I have the right to correct things through my death but my brain keeps forcing baseless delusions of a so-called future in my brain. How do I stop this? (I just really need to go oh god please)

What's your method? It seems to me that some methods require more resistance to SI than others.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

What's your method? It seems to me that some methods require more resistance to SI than others.

Oh was gonna drink a lot then hang myself in a hotel room or something

 

[lwlaiet8887]

You have to think of it as doing yourself a favor, morbid and not entirely accurate to the distress you may feel when doing so. But what one has to understand is that when you CBT it's because you want to end your suffering and or you don't see your existence as worthwhile. Once you rationalize why you're doing it then you can find peace. For me it'll be liberating, in line with my world view, and will likely save me a lot of potential suffering in the future.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Asking the age old question.

only times i've managed to get past SI during past attempts it was during very high distress situations or being so dissociated/drugged out of my mind that self preservation didn't properly functioned anymore, which lead to either attempting out of impulse or butchering prepared plans making it obviously fail.

Best ways (at least for me) would be trying to get into a dissociative state or calming down via substances until the anxiety isn't enough to hold one back but it's hard to control/getting into this on command and the subconscious still can sense oncoming danger.

Yeah same, it's way easier to attempt spontaneously or in a different state of mind, however that's always just ended up with me in the hospital. I was planning on using alcohol to override this feeling but idk

 

[Morgengrauen]

Yeah same, it's way easier to attempt spontaneously or in a different state of mind, however that's always just ended up with me in the hospital. I was planning on using alcohol to override this feeling but idk

yeah, but it also depends on the method. Like OD'ing doesn't take as much balls to do compared to lets say jumping and stuff so it's a factor on top. I'm planning to try get some opioids to take before CTB but also may change the plan completely depending on how monday goes, maybe having enough time to pick a method that is hopefully invoking less SI idk