How do I overcome emptiness?

[nawee]

No matter what happens, fun activites or anything positive in general I just feel like I'm not even there? How do I get rid of this, I want to be able to feel normal and happy.
I want to be able to enjoy things again, it's just so hard.
Is there anything I can do to regain my spark?
Please don't suggest therapy, mental hospital or meds,
I live in a country where things are more complicated and not just as easy as that.
I also don't trust myself with any sort of pills, I'm afraid I might do rational decisions.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Can you tell why you feel empty inside? Sometimes we mechanically try to do things that should bring pleasure, but it doesn't work when something is wrong.

 

[nawee]

Can you tell why you feel empty inside? Sometimes we mechanically try to do things that should bring pleasure, but it doesn't work when something is wrong.

I'm sorry if this is personal but, I'm a CSA survivor + experienced bullying most my life
Ever since that I haven't been able to feel anything, ever since I was 15 my life has been blank and I haven't been able to feel emotions properly as I should

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am sorry. It sounds like your trauma triggered this, do self-preservation.

One way would be to try to find the connection back to the emotions, by going through your supressed memories. This is usually done by psychotherapy, with a person with sufficient expertise.

But if you're not ready for that, maybe you could try this method:

 

[nawee]

I am sorry. It sounds like your trauma triggered this, do self-preservation.

One way would be to try to find the connection back to the emotions, by going through your supressed memories. This is usually done by psychotherapy, with a person with sufficient expertise.

But if you're not ready for that, maybe you could try this method:

Thank you I haven't really thought of this before, I'll try it out

 

[itsallpointless]

My remedy for anhedonia is appreciation. So maybe even a bunch of crows in the park might be unsightly to somebody else, but its beautiful to see the brotherhood the crows have when fending for the entire murder(the team). For example, I once walked past an injured crow and like 2 or 3 crows swooped by my head to protect the injured crow. It's beautiful how such a simple, ugly irritating animal on the surface can actually possess values we could learn from.

 

[orca87]

No matter what happens, fun activites or anything positive in general I just feel like I'm not even there?

Based on your other reply here, I would assume that the emptiness that you feel comes from loneliness.

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I can truly relate to that feeling.

If you're seeking recovery, I think your only chance is to improve your social competence. Try to trust people again, try to find connections.

I struggled a lot with this during my entire life. At age 27/28 I felt an improvement for the first time. So it is possible, but very very hard.

If you don't have access to therapy that could target this, one option would be YT videos, some of them are made by licensed professionals. Be careful with any kind of coaching/course/whatever they might try to sell. If I were in your place, I would extensively research on regaining trust and improving self-esteem.

Anything that you could read, watch, or listen to in that regard, is however, only the first step. You need to go out in the world, even at the risk of disappointment. Choose your social groups with care. Something like meetup.com can help finding circles with responsible adults that have a low risk of bullying you again.

Even if you had access to therapy — the part of taking action still stands. No one can do that for you.

As for meds, don't even bother. They most likely won't work and you might get more side effects than benefits. The only thing that could work, are anti anxiety meds, probably benzos. Some of them are available without prescription as research chemicals. Be super careful with them, though as they can cause addiction and make you tired.

 

[nawee]

Based on your other reply here, I would assume that the emptiness that you feel comes from loneliness.

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I can truly relate to that feeling.

If you're seeking recovery, I think your only chance is to improve your social competence. Try to trust people again, try to find connections.

I struggled a lot with this during my entire life. At age 27/28 I felt an improvement for the first time. So it is possible, but very very hard.

If you don't have access to therapy that could target this, one option would be YT videos, some of them are made by licensed professionals. Be careful with any kind of coaching/course/whatever they might try to sell. If I were in your place, I would extensively research on regaining trust and improving self-esteem.

Anything that you could read, watch, or listen to in that regard, is however, only the first step. You need to go out in the world, even at the risk of disappointment. Choose your social groups with care. Something like meetup.com can help finding circles with responsible adults that have a low risk of bullying you again.

Even if you had access to therapy — the part of taking action still stands. No one can do that for you.

As for meds, don't even bother. They most likely won't work and you might get more side effects than benefits. The only thing that could work, are anti anxiety meds, probably benzos. Some of them are available without prescription as research chemicals. Be super careful with them, though as they can cause addiction and make you tired.

Thank you, I believe you are right with the lonliness part as I don't have any friends in real life.
I've struggled with making friends or trusting adults because of the trauma I went through, I was bullied most my school years for my race which makes it every difficult for me to talk to girls and boys my age but I noticed I don't feel as scared and nervous anymore. I am trying to make a recovery, but sometimes I just feel so low it's overwhelming. And yeah, I don't believe in most meds either as I've seen the side effects on people who use it.
Thank you for your comment, I'll try to see what I can do.