How do I minimise the impact on my family and friends?

[DespareBear]

I've been suicidal for a while now, and I really want to go... it's felt like the only thing keeping me here these last few months has been the idea of what I'd be leaving behind for other people to deal with but all in all, I don't expect I can hold out much longer.

No matter what, or how, I know it's going to be really hard for a few people, and I know given the subject matter, there won't be much I could even do to minimise this kind of loss, but even if it's just a bit... even if it's negligible, I should make it easier.

My number one priority is success. I do not want to wake up from that, whether as a vegetable or not, if I do it, I do it.

My planned method is hanging, I'm a big guy, 197cm/6'4 and 100kg/220pounds, so I feel like my options are limited. I'm need to trust 100% that there's enough room, it will take my weight indefinitely, and preferably somewhere that I can ensure my family are not the ones that find me.

In my bedroom, I can lock my door and leave a note underneath saying to call an ambulance, but as far as options in my room, I don't know... the only thing I think is even possible would be the metal bar in my wardrobe, but even that I'm not so sure.

There's a swing set in my garden with a thick wooden bar on top, it's about 20 years old now, but it seems quality wood and I can use rhe swing easily enough, though that is supported by two ropes at two points... I could lock the door to the kitchen/back side of the house and leave a note on the door, though they could go outside and around if they wanted to... and I don't know what they will do after reading that kind of note.

I don't know if there's anything I'm overlooking, anything obvious or not I haven't thought of or noticed, but I feel like those are my only options. I don't think I'd want to go out and find a place to do it in public, no matter the time of day, I'd have concerns about being found before it's fully finished.

I've written individual notes to a few people, though I still have some I need to write, as well as a general note for everyone. I've tried to take any blame away from anyone and keep it on myself and general existence, though I don't know if that's just going to make people think about it more, and blame themselves when they otherwise wouldn't, because I brought it up or something... I don't know.

This may sound stupid, but I've thought about waiting until my birthday to do it...as in.. it would be one less painful anniversary or something, because the two ones that would make them think of me most are on the same day... or is that fucked up? Would I be creating a super bad day? Maybe it's better to space it out.... sounds stupid now that I write it out, is any of this worth it? Am I just overthinking all this, and it's gonna suck the same for everyone else no matter what I do?

 

[Rayzieka]

In the end its the last thing you will do if you decide to do it and you should be allowed to be selfish one last time in that case. I understand its going to hurt people and that's why its entirely up to you when how and if you do it. It wont matter for you in the very end so worrying about what other people want is what you'll have to work out while you're still here.
Theres no easy way out of it while you're still here. Just be sure of whats right for you in the long run.

 

[patheticpartner]

I think scheduling it for the same date as your birthday is genius. As you stated, it would mean one less tragic anniversary date. Emotionally, our suicides will suck for our loved ones no matter what, but we can help reduce their financial burden and labor.

For example, we can leave a will requesting to be cremated and have our ashes spread at a nearby landmark, or some other cheap funeral method for their closure. I would also avoid committing suicide in private property, in case they decide to sell it. Other ideas include paying off debts if applicable, allocating assets to beneficiaries, close or remove yourself from joint bank accounts, and giving away your possessions to loved ones.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is a hard situation. Suicide is a pain cycle, to end our pain, it passes it on to other people. I would never suffer for the sake of others though. I don't think there is much you can do really, but the note idea is a good one, I plan to say in mine, 'theres nothing you could have done' and 'now I am at peace', which might provide some closure. I have thought about the birthday idea too.

 

[Anonymous_A]

You can't really change how people cope when dealing with death/ctb.

The way I look at it is.
Understand that the world simply carry's on without you.
Anyone mourning your death will soon reach the point where they come to terms and accept your death.

Might take years but only the individual can figure it out them self. They pretty much have to "deal" with it.

Similar to how anyone on here that's coping with their own reasons/story's for wanting to ctb.
Deep down its dealt with on a individual level.
Like how they say nobody can help you but yourself…

 

[boc]

I agree, the pain others will face will be temporary. Soon you will be a distant memory for all of them. It is still difficult. I agree that writing a note saying that there is nothing they could have done may help the situation.

Birthday idea isn't bad. I don't think it's a material difference though.

To ensure it works, I would go with N rather than hanging. But I understand N is a whole production to get set up.

 

[whywhywhy]

I think birthday is a bad date. People will probably buy you presents hoping to celebrate it with you and then get completely crushed after you do it.

The best way for your loved ones is probably a suicide that can pass as an accident but the problem with those is that they have a low success rate at least according to my own research. Maybe drinking alcohol and driving head on into a tree or falling of a high building. Or some extreme methods like paying someone to stab you and make it look like a robbery

The sad reality is if you ctb people you love will blame themselves for it probably most of their lives. I know they will at least in my case. In that regard Im in the same situation as you if there was one method that could pass as an accident I would probably do it.

Then again you have no obligation to think of others as it is your own life and your own decision.

 

[The Lonely]

See… you have folks who likes you…
That's a very good reason to re-think some things… (whatever you are going through right now). Having someone left behind is a big red sign to easy your mind for a while…

And as you are not sure about the "how-to-do" thing, it would be better to just calm down for now in order to not do It wrong…

I wish the best since you are ready to whatever it would be! Just take care now until the time comes

 

[Seiba]

For the birthday thing if your birthday is desired to be celebrated by others it might make it somewhat worse because they were looking forward to celebrating it and then your death changed that. I'm not sure people remember specific dates people kill themselves on more so than just the grief of their death.