Suicide really is so difficult and I understand the feeling of being desperate to leave. To me, existing is torture. I'm sorry that you went through those failed attempts. The fear of failure is what holds me back from attempting personally. I think that all that anyone can do, as mentioned above is look at the resources section and do research to decide what is best for themselves. It is unfair how we live in a world where it is so hard to leave all the suffering behind, a peaceful exit should be a human right. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through. Best wishes.