I like the feelings I get (the thoughts, the symptoms, etc.). They are kinda comfortable in some way, like losing control in a "safe" way. When I tried to force a panic attacks, I usually try to create a fake scenario about my own death (Ex. Visualizing myself in a rooftop, watching the sun hiding behind some green mountains. Then I look down and hear the world. I take a step forward and fall, imagining the cold wind hitting my face. After that, I fade out as I hit the ground and wake up in a hospital bed, seeing my parent next to the bedside saying everything's gonna be alright. I then shutdown while hearing my mother screaming). Unfortunately, I have no more fake scenarios I can think of, so I stopped having panic attacks. I just want to feel one again.