Help How do I cope with the guilt of having SI when I have a partner

[sinnrr-sistrr]

I've mentionned my gf a couple times and how supportive and lovely and amazing she is, but reading some of your posts about losing a partner to suicide has honestly made me start to feel guilty about my suicidal ideation.

I was about to hurt myself real bad tuesday (borderline an attempt, though I know it wouldn't have killed me), and I talked it through with my gf and I feel so guilty about even the idea of making her sad.

No, it wouldn't make her sad, it would devastate her, it would crush her, it would scar her for life and I know it... yet... the SI is still there, in a constant push and pull with the guilt of hurting her.

How do I deal with those conflicting feelings that are tearing me up?
How do I live with myself knowing that, deep inside me, I want something that would destroy the most important person in my life?

 

[MapleS]

You can have thoughts and emotions and they are valid no matter what. But what you DO with them is what you can control.

You may want to kill ypurself and choose not to. You can make safety plans not to hurt youself and you can work on recovery to not kill yourself and make her miserable.

Love is a choice. Suicide is also a choice and you don't need to act on your emotions.

So don't feel guilty about your feelings but about your ACTIONS