Help How do I actually stop giving a fuck?

[Sadbanana]

I'm asperger and I have been through a lot of judgement and rejection from others. I live as a neet and have no social life.

I'm suffering a lot everyday, there is so much shame, anger and grief that get triggered out of the blue. I really want to free myself from these feelings, I just don't know why.

Most people's advice is not applicable to my situation. I won't go outside and try to rebuild my social life, honestly I would reather die than do that again. I'm also not looking for a job. I will not slave around for minimal pay, while I'm in constant anxiety. It's not worth it. Neither I'm going back to studying.

I can have quite comfortable life, have access to food and games. It would be enjoyable, if I really didn't care what others think. I know this society is just bundle of hypocritical bullshit and it got into this state because people lack basic system thinking. But even though there is still part of me that cares about it, it wants status and validation and fears judgement.

 

[Vacuous]

it wants status and validation and fears judgement

It's commonplace to want these things, but they often get tied up in ego. You want to follow scripts society forces upon us, which creates a paralytic fear of failure.

Remove these goals, as much as you can, from a philosophy of self-worth tied around others.

Adhere to self-improvement in the most literal sense; it is about you, not conformity to systems or competition with others. Ground yourself in your own individuality. You are special on your own, not in terms of your ability to move up and down social and economic hierarchies, which is highly contingent on environmental and genetic predispositions outside of our control. Focus on what you can control.