cowbain
teach me empathy
- Jul 16, 2019
- 143
I can't even order the supplies without freaking the fuck out. But I also don't want to keep living & constantly be triggered back into a situation like this.
Halo13
Wizard
- May 9, 2019
- 671
I'm a pretty anxious person at times but the thought of ctb gives me comfort.
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
Im with this dude!!! I have a situation my brain and memory takes me to, at this point I feel so calm its crazy! its to do with CTBing, so I know when I can get back to that place my anxiety will be of no issue
catpissmartini
Member
- Feb 5, 2020
- 11
Alcohol takes away the inhibitions and helps me think straight. 
xBrialesana
Become Dust With Me, My Love.
- Dec 17, 2019
- 552
Literally it's the only thing that can help remind me "It's gonna be okay". I know it will be over.
And in some miracle life turnaround all of the sudden I look like a fucking model, then there's that!
Until then I distract myself with unhealthy substances. Woops
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
CTB to me is the calm in the storm. It's the one thing we can always fall back on. But the last card in our hands. So lets all try to shed our anxiety and squeeze ever last drop of happiness before hand!
Lastsauce
Experienced
- Dec 22, 2019
- 258
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
Alcohol takes away the inhibitions and helps me think straight.
shhh im with you on this 110% but ain't admitting shit!
toodeep
Member
- Feb 5, 2020
- 8
I've found that klonopin eases my anxiety and my depression flourishes in that state . To each their own . Anxiety is like the little meth head in us begging to drive the car , clawing to get out . Shit is powerful stuff
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
catpissmartini
Member
- Feb 5, 2020
- 11
LOL Not saying you're an alcoholic but this unsustainable way of life gets us by until it won't anymore.
I have the same issue, I want to die so I don't have this crippling anxiety but can't die because of my anxiety!! Hope you're okay!!
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
I can go days without , but then I can go days with, it makes no sense, if it was removed tomorrow and never given back, It wouldn't bother me, its weird!
nirvana133
Member
- Oct 14, 2019
- 34
I have had bad anxiety throughout my life, but the desire to go is much more stronger. I'm probably not the best example, because i drink a lot and that lowers your inhibitions, but still after 10 years of dealing with this shit, I'm just done.
I'm the same, my anxiety makes me want to kill myself but it has to be high enough anxiety (not nerves) to go through with it otherwise I am too anxious to do anything about it. . I bottled a prepped attempt lastnight cos I wasn't anxious enough and got too scared
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,819
It could be getting to a state of mind of pure apathy and nonchalance, literally not caring about ANYTHING (this includes money, people, family, etc.). Sometimes people use drugs and alcohol to help combat their survival instinct, or even a combination of both (alcohol and drugs in tandem with meditation and reaching that super calm, fearless state of mind, kind of like a trance).
Mywill
Member
- Feb 6, 2020
- 91
No matter how anxious you're if you aren't taking the first step, you'll go nowhere except to suffer longer.
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Throwmyselfaway
Not gone yet but soon
- Jan 14, 2020
- 798
mesohappy
Cat piss sammich??
- Jan 10, 2020
- 674
With trembling hands,sweaty palms,rapid heartbeat and racing thoughts.
AlreadyGone
Taking it day by day
- Jan 11, 2020
- 917
notjustyetagain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 169
being trapped by anxiety into not being able to live and not being able to die is horrible and, whatever's necessary, i hope you can reach a state of mind that allows you to go through with the former, or the latter as a last resort. personally i'm only existing due to anxiolytic narcotics.
there's no guaranteed, foolproof, and benign solution to address SI-related anxiety AFAIK, but echoing others' replies, anything that lowers your inhibitions may help. almost a third of suicide victims in the US have alcohol in their system at the time of autopsy. opiates, benzodiazepines, and other sedatives/hypnotics can also provide artificial courage or at least tame your anxiety to the point you can do what you need to do.
however, there is a risk of a paradoxical reaction (esp. if you're as "fond" of these substances as i am). for me, after taking a big dose of opiates and/or benzos, life doesn't feel that bad anymore: i have the willpower to get out of bed, the courage to check the letterbox -- i'm practically bulletproof. but yeah, be wary of the potential for these substances to miraculously dissolve your pain, traumas/flashbacks, voices, anxiety, fears, depression, stress, etc. and so temporarily reduce the perceived necessity of your attempt. there are less risky methods, like challenging your anxiety at every turn, focusing on the possibility of eternal peace, CBT/DBT, etc. but they take effort and cash and other things that are hard to come by.
anyway, you might need a few well-timed doses to go through distinct steps? i would recommend benzos if your psych/GP is willing to prescribe them, alcohol if not (opiates are harder to come by). maybe: an initial, sufficient dose to overcome your anxiety in ordering what you need for your method, another dose for preparing and finalising your plans, and a last, hefty dose just prior to your attempt. (though there's a delicate balance between readying oneself for one's force/will and forcing/willing oneself to be ready, if that makes sense? excuse my english.)
there's no guaranteed, foolproof, and benign solution to address SI-related anxiety AFAIK, but echoing others' replies, anything that lowers your inhibitions may help. almost a third of suicide victims in the US have alcohol in their system at the time of autopsy. opiates, benzodiazepines, and other sedatives/hypnotics can also provide artificial courage or at least tame your anxiety to the point you can do what you need to do.
however, there is a risk of a paradoxical reaction (esp. if you're as "fond" of these substances as i am). for me, after taking a big dose of opiates and/or benzos, life doesn't feel that bad anymore: i have the willpower to get out of bed, the courage to check the letterbox -- i'm practically bulletproof. but yeah, be wary of the potential for these substances to miraculously dissolve your pain, traumas/flashbacks, voices, anxiety, fears, depression, stress, etc. and so temporarily reduce the perceived necessity of your attempt. there are less risky methods, like challenging your anxiety at every turn, focusing on the possibility of eternal peace, CBT/DBT, etc. but they take effort and cash and other things that are hard to come by.
anyway, you might need a few well-timed doses to go through distinct steps? i would recommend benzos if your psych/GP is willing to prescribe them, alcohol if not (opiates are harder to come by). maybe: an initial, sufficient dose to overcome your anxiety in ordering what you need for your method, another dose for preparing and finalising your plans, and a last, hefty dose just prior to your attempt. (though there's a delicate balance between readying oneself for one's force/will and forcing/willing oneself to be ready, if that makes sense? excuse my english.)
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