panther123321
New Member
- May 9, 2018
- 2
It kind of breaks my heart that this is the way he went; with his wealth, he could easily have afforded a method that would be swift and painless. But I suppose he had his reasons, and it's not for us to try and understand.
I can't personally imagine wanting to go about it like that, but I suppose it would make sense for somebody wanting to make a statementMaybe in his mind he wanted to leave as he lived, painfully. Ive had a few friends say that if they had to CTB, theyd fall on a sword, or shoot themselves in the stomach, to relish in the pain.
Maybe in his mind he wanted to leave as he lived, painfully. Ive had a few friends say that if they had to CTB, theyd fall on a sword, or shoot themselves in the stomach, to relish in the pain.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I have a good friend who has PTSD (he was a Marine in Iraq). He told me that if he commits suicide, he wants to do it in a violent way. I don't understand the appeal, but it's impossible to know a person's interiority.
It's not really so much control and mastery, it's more like the very opposite, if you are drunk (and being a severe alcoholic he could drink far far more than most people could without passing out) it just comes as an impulse. I started self harming out of nowhere the first time I got drunk. I had like 2 shots and a kitchen knife suddenly looked like the most pretty thing on earth. Your skin feels like absolutely nothing, you have the sense you are painting, or watching a surreal music video, none of it feels real.I get the appeal of it, you have and demonstrate complete control and mastery over yourself during the process. Slicing away until you pass out is different from falling on a sword or shooting yourself in the gut, however.
I was talking about a sober suicide attempt, not drinking and self harming.It's not really so much control and mastery, it's more like the very opposite, if you are drunk (and being a severe alcoholic he could drink far far more than most people could without passing out) it just comes as an impulse. I started self harming out of nowhere the first time I got drunk. I had like 2 shots and a kitchen knife suddenly looked like the most pretty thing on earth. Your skin feels like absolutely nothing, you have the sense you are painting, or watching a surreal music video, none of it feels real.
I don't know why only some people are like this. It's not all to do with being depressed. My theory is, some people - eg BPD, severe ADHD - who already have a weak emotional 'filter' can easily become overwhelmed by emotion to the point where other things - like self preservation are at least temporarily drowned out. They are already a little naturally 'drunk', have less internal emotional inhibition, so the alcohol has a kind of volatile effect. The intense self loathing which has to be repressed constantly is only a thread away from crashing down, at any point, so when it does, it manifests in a physically violent way.