how can i ctb

[3FailedAttemptss]

Help I am severely mentally ill and my ex recently broke up with me because they felt like they were a caretaker for me. This has left me in a state of deep despair and I have decided that I want to end my life.

currently, I'm in the psych ward, but I'm allowed to leave for a day and my plan is to sneak out of the apartment when my mother is in the restroom, call a taxi, and instruct the driver to take me to a train station where trains pass by without stopping. I will then commit suicide by being decapitated by a train. I have chosen this method because it is quick and certain.

However, I am worried about hesitating and want to ensure I have the courage to follow through. I am also considering the discomfort of going behind my mother's back and the difficulty of finding a suitable opportunity to escape. My mother is getting an eye operation this Monday, which means she won't be able to follow me to my DBT group, so I can't use that as an opportunity to sneak out.

I am asking for your guidance on what to do. I need to know if my plan is feasible and if there are any other factors I should consider. I also want to know if there are any other methods of suicide that might be more suitable for my situation.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

You already know the answer. The best thing you can do is nothing. Try to have some patience. When you get out of the psych ward, you can reassess the situation. If you still want to CTB at that point, more options will be available to you, and you can take your time & choose the best one.

 

[franos666]

Alcohol is very good for courage while attempting suicide. I would definitely drink before hanging myself

 

[The Disqualified]

Hi

How old are you? May I ask
I am sorry you have gone through all of this.

Your boyfriend leaving sounds rough. I think you should think this through more.

You are probably young, like me. Now I imagine your life is hell right now, but there can be a way out.
You sound overwhelmed, I imagine many people around you failed you for things to get to this point.

I am here if you wish to talk, sending hugs.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Hi

How old are you? May I ask
I am sorry you have gone through all of this.

Your boyfriend leaving sounds rough. I think you should think this through more.

You are probably young, like me. Now I imagine your life is hell right now, but there can be a way out.
You sound overwhelmed, I imagine many people around you failed you for things to get to this point.

I am here if you wish to talk, sending hugs.

old enough to be on this forum :p mods already contacted me about that… but no, I've decided I'm going to kill myself. I've tried to kill myself before I had a boyfriend and then I had a boyfriend, then I wasn't suicidal, and now he's gone and I am suicidal again.

but there's one thing I forgot to mention, he wanted— when he broke up with me he wanted a two- week, no contact period, and I really, really, really, really wanna kill myself in that period. I don't— I'm too scared to face him.

so that puts some time pressure on my suicide.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Okay so the psych ward will book a cab for me to get to my CTB session and i sense an opportunity to run away

 

[iwashere]

OMG THIS WAS LITERALLY ME LAST YEAR. like deadass go into my post history you can see me fall deeper and deeper into despair over my ex boyfriend. i'm not going to tell you it gets better because it literally never did for me in fact i'd argue it's worse everyday, but what i am going to say is take your time with this!!! i would say wait to get released from the hospital before you make a decision like that. because you're saying/talking about trains i'm going to assume you don't live in the US, but also maybe find a diff method too!!

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

OMG THIS WAS LITERALLY ME LAST YEAR. like deadass go into my post history you can see me fall deeper and deeper into despair over my ex boyfriend. i'm not going to tell you it gets better because it literally never did for me in fact i'd argue it's worse everyday, but what i am going to say is take your time with this!!! i would say wait to get released from the hospital before you make a decision like that. because you're saying/talking about trains i'm going to assume you don't live in the US, but also maybe find a diff method too!!

i'm sorry you were in a similar position. It sucks. It's really terrible

I would wait, but my ex wanted a two week no contact period after he broke up with me and i really wanna CTB in that period so i'm kinda desperate…

(also idk how to get SN and PSH doesn't work for me)

 

[The Disqualified]

old enough to be on this forum :p mods already contacted me about that…

I see.
I hope you didn't take my question in a bad way haha
I was just asking. You seem young, like me.

but no, I've decided I'm going to kill myself. I've tried to kill myself before I had a boyfriend and then I had a boyfriend, then I wasn't suicidal, and now he's gone and I am suicidal again.

I see.
So you were already suicidal before you got your bf. Then you got better with him, and now that he's gone you want to die again.

Is there any specific reason you want to die regardless of your bf?
When I read your first post in this thread I thought you wanted to ctb because of your bf specifically.

but there's one thing I forgot to mention, he wanted— when he broke up with me he wanted a two- week, no contact period, and I really, really, really, really wanna kill myself in that period. I don't— I'm too scared to face him.

I see.
It seems like it wasn't a harmonious breakup

Do you think you need your bf to be happy? It seems like he is really important to you.
It sucks you are scared to even see him now. I imagine that must hurt a lot.

so that puts some time pressure on my suicide.

Does it?
You don't need to do it now from what I understand.
I don't know the full context, but it isn't good to feel pressured like that.

Perhaps you are feeling really bad right now and want to ctb. I relate to that.
But you shouldn't feel pressured to do it.

Okay so the psych ward will book a cab for me to get to my CTB session and i sense an opportunity to run away

I see.
I think I remember a thread from you where the police had stopped the trains nearby, and were searching for you.
You have attempted before. I see.

Is your family aware of all of this? You really deserve support, you know.

I wouldn't advise you to run away, but no one can stop you if you decide to.

I am here if you wish to talk.
Sending hugs.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I see.
I hope you didn't take my question in a bad way haha
I was just asking. You seem young, like me.


I see.
So you were already suicidal before you got your bf. Then you got better with him, and now that he's gone you want to die again.

Is there any specific reason you want to die regardless of your bf?
When I read your first post in this thread I thought you wanted to ctb because of your bf specifically.


I see.
It seems like it wasn't a harmonious breakup

Do you think you need your bf to be happy? It seems like he is really important to you.
It sucks you are scared to even see him now. I imagine that must hurt a lot.


Does it?
You don't need to do it now from what I understand.
I don't know the full context, but it isn't good to feel pressured like that.

Perhaps you are feeling really bad right now and want to ctb. I relate to that.
But you shouldn't feel pressured to do it.


I see.
I think I remember a thread from you where the police had stopped the trains nearby, and were searching for you.
You have attempted before. I see.

Is your family aware of all of this? You really deserve support, you know.

I wouldn't advise you to run away, but no one can stop you if you decide to.

I am here if you wish to talk.
Sending hugs.

Well idk, my motivation for CTBing before i met him was my schizophrenia and it's negative symptoms, specifically anhedonia, just makes life pretty shitty. but seriously, when i was with him i didnt want to die, i thought things were finally looking up for me and then he drops me…

he is really important to me and i do want him to be happy and achieve good things, but also I do wanna kill myself because of him and I feel like he's really hurting me so I don't know. I'm just a bad person. I just think im compatible with love. But I don't know, I'm scared to face him. Partially because he dropped me and that hurts. But also I'm I wanna strike while the iron's hot, I want to kill myself when I still have the motivation. And I'm scared talking to him will make me feel better. Which is why I wanna kill myself before that like two week no contact period is up. I don't know what's gonna happen if we talk, it's just so frightening. And I already feel like I've kind of burnt the bridge. I'm so pathetic.

But yeah, um, you're correct about the police stopping the trains and searching for me. They literally found me on the train tracks. Um that was my most recent attempt. And it ended with me talking to my ex for two hours and the police were able to track my location because I was on a phone call. But yeah, I have like close to twenty suicide attempts under my belt now I think. Which is pretty pathetic to say. And my family's aware of this and they're trying to support me, but I don't want their help. I just want my ex back. I just miss him so fucking much. And that's why I'm considering running away and ending it all.

 

[cursedcassettes]

Well idk, my motivation for CTBing before i met him was my schizophrenia and it's negative symptoms, specifically anhedonia, just makes life pretty shitty. but seriously, when i was with him i didnt want to die, i thought things were finally looking up for me and then he drops me…

he is really important to me and i do want him to be happy and achieve good things, but also I do wanna kill myself because of him and I feel like he's really hurting me so I don't know. I'm just a bad person. I just think im compatible with love. But I don't know, I'm scared to face him. Partially because he dropped me and that hurts. But also I'm I wanna strike while the iron's hot, I want to kill myself when I still have the motivation. And I'm scared talking to him will make me feel better. Which is why I wanna kill myself before that like two week no contact period is up. I don't know what's gonna happen if we talk, it's just so frightening. And I already feel like I've kind of burnt the bridge. I'm so pathetic.

But yeah, um, you're correct about the police stopping the trains and searching for me. They literally found me on the train tracks. Um that was my most recent attempt. And it ended with me talking to my ex for two hours and the police were able to track my location because I was on a phone call. But yeah, I have like close to twenty suicide attempts under my belt now I think. Which is pretty pathetic to say. And my family's aware of this and they're trying to support me, but I don't want their help. I just want my ex back. I just miss him so fucking much. And that's why I'm considering running away and ending it all.

You ever see a guy with his eyeball fried swollen shut from an electrical injury from the third rail? You're probably pretty enough you don't wanna screw that up while you're stuck being alive. Don't touch the third rail. It doesn't kill consistently enough, especially if you're young and healthy. Honestly, trains aren't the best way, and decapitation isn't the least painful way. Brainstorm a little more carefully. I'm not gonna help.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Well idk, my motivation for CTBing before i met him was my schizophrenia and it's negative symptoms, specifically anhedonia, just makes life pretty shitty. but seriously, when i was with him i didnt want to die, i thought things were finally looking up for me and then he drops me…

he is really important to me and i do want him to be happy and achieve good things, but also I do wanna kill myself because of him and I feel like he's really hurting me so I don't know. I'm just a bad person. I just think im compatible with love. But I don't know, I'm scared to face him. Partially because he dropped me and that hurts. But also I'm I wanna strike while the iron's hot, I want to kill myself when I still have the motivation. And I'm scared talking to him will make me feel better. Which is why I wanna kill myself before that like two week no contact period is up. I don't know what's gonna happen if we talk, it's just so frightening. And I already feel like I've kind of burnt the bridge. I'm so pathetic.

But yeah, um, you're correct about the police stopping the trains and searching for me. They literally found me on the train tracks. Um that was my most recent attempt. And it ended with me talking to my ex for two hours and the police were able to track my location because I was on a phone call. But yeah, I have like close to twenty suicide attempts under my belt now I think. Which is pretty pathetic to say. And my family's aware of this and they're trying to support me, but I don't want their help. I just want my ex back. I just miss him so fucking much. And that's why I'm considering running away and ending it all.

But this is the problem.
Anyone can drop anyone at any time.
You could marry him even, and he could still drop you at any time.
We cannot base our reason for living on anything outside ourselves, because when we lose it, we will find ourselves right back at square one.