How biased do you think your view of the world is by your (childhood) trauma?

[venin]

Elaborating is encouraged

If the answer is that's its biased, what do you think can be done about it?

 

[StolenLife]

It's very biased in my case and I'm aware of that. I was abused for eight years by my classmates as a child. They did nasty things to me and insulted me in every way possible. This is why today I live like a shut in and I would have been a hikikomori if there was no university to attend. All in all, I prefer to be alone rather than in company of others and in general I don't trust people and I think most are evil. Which isn't fair to genuinely good people out there but I can't help myself.
I don't know what can be done about it. I'm not sociable because I'm easily overwhelmed and drained. I just want to ctb as soon as possible.

 

[venin]

It's very biased in my case and I'm aware of that. I was abused for eight years by my classmates as a child. They did nasty things to me and insulted me in every way possible. This is why today I live like a shut in and I would have been a hikikomori if there was no university to attend. All in all, I prefer to be alone rather than in company of others and in general I don't trust people and I think most are evil. Which isn't fair to genuinely good people out there but I can't help myself.
I don't know what can be done about it. I'm not sociable because I'm easily overwhelmed and drained. I just want to ctb as soon as possible.

I'm sorry this happened… I relate a lot with what you said

 

[Celerity]

It's an interesting question, but I think the answer is something that is impossible to pin down. Unlike traumatic events that happen in adulthood, there is no life "before" to which I can compare. The way you are raised changes how you see yourself, other people, and the world as a whole. Separating the good from the bad is a hard enough process, and the difficulty is compounded when trying to sort what stems from the abuse and what is truly, organically "me".

I also do not actually believe that a happy childhood grants a more accurate image of reality than one granted by childhood abuse. It is my pet theory that our early social experiences engrain our self-concept so thoroughly because man in most of his evolutionary history lived in tightly-knit, small communities. If our ancestors did not usually leave their people and join others for any length of time, then it makes sense to me that our minds would be set up for such an insular lifestyle by keeping our self-concept and self-esteem relatively rigid. Knowing how you are going to be treated by others and accepting this to whatever degree you can would help you survive with the people you're basically stuck with for good or ill. This is why we live as adults who expect others to hurt us and believe ourselves to be defective in some way. Our mind was molded to work in a world where this appeared to be true for years and years. As we largely perceive what we expect to perceive, can develop habits of thought just like habits of behavior, and because we are so very good at rationalizing instead of thinking logically, it is really difficult to unlearn. Typing this all out, I think it's kind of silly that people think it can be fixed with a month or two of CBT.

 

[venin]

It's an interesting question, but I think the answer is something that is impossible to pin down. Unlike traumatic events that happen in adulthood, there is no life "before" to which I can compare. The way you are raised changes how you see yourself, other people, and the world as a whole. Separating the good from the bad is a hard enough process, and the difficulty is compounded when trying to sort what stems from the abuse and what is truly, organically "me".

I also do not actually believe that a happy childhood grants a more accurate image of reality than one granted by childhood abuse. It is my pet theory that our early social experiences engrain our self-concept so thoroughly because man in most of his evolutionary history lived in tightly-knit, small communities. If our ancestors did not usually leave their people and join others for any length of time, then it makes sense to me that our minds would be set up for such an insular lifestyle by keeping our self-concept and self-esteem relatively rigid. Knowing how you are going to be treated by others and accepting this to whatever degree you can would help you survive with the people you're basically stuck with for good or ill. This is why we live as adults who expect others to hurt us and believe ourselves to be defective in some way. Our mind was molded to work in a world where this appeared to be true for years and years. As we largely perceive what we expect to perceive, can develop habits of thought just like habits of behavior, and because we are so very good at rationalizing instead of thinking logically, it is really difficult to unlearn. Typing this all out, I think it's kind of silly that people think it can be fixed with a month or two of CBT.

CTB on the other hand…

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

I think I am immensely biased.

My first memory, at least I beileve it is my first, is of me thinking of ctb. My mom was mad at me for something, and when my mom was mad my dad would be allowed to yell at me worse than usual. He used to yell at me harshly for asking for something like an apple after fast food, or scream at me to stop crying while having a panic attack, so I knew this would be bad. I didn't want that to happen again, so I pulled up a chair to a counter and somehow managed to open up a big bottle of ibuprophen. I remember holding a ton of pills in my hand and looking at them. Child logic said it would kill me or make me very sick quickly, but I heard my dad coming downstairs so I put them all away. I must have been in 3rdish grade.

When death becomes an option at such a young age, its no longer this huge deal. Its now a flippant choice you can make. Being bullied? I can ctb tomorrow. Failing school? Let me down some DPH. You get the point. It no longer becomes a serious decision because suddenly you were meant to die a long time ago. Life lost its value then and there. And whats worse is, like another user said, there is no before. I dont remember valuing or deeply enjoying life. I remember fear.

There are some other childhood traumas that definitely also impacted how I view myself and my place in this world. I wont go into detail, but it had the impact that the only way I can get people to like me/want me is by being a sex object- so this combined with above leads me to beileve that I am the only person that exists with no inherent value due to being human. The world does not want me. I know logically this is not true, but deep down it feels like a fact.

How can I prevent these biases? I really, really do not know. If I knew I do not think I would be here, because then there is weight to my death. I would be more fearful and sorrowful upon possibly losing my life.

I hope all of that made sense and is what you were kinda looking for, might have gone on too much of a rant lol

 

[venin]

I think I am immensely biased.

My first memory, at least I beileve it is my first, is of me thinking of ctb. My mom was mad at me for something, and when my mom was mad my dad would be allowed to yell at me worse than usual. He used to yell at me harshly for asking for something like an apple after fast food, or scream at me to stop crying while having a panic attack, so I knew this would be bad. I didn't want that to happen again, so I pulled up a chair to a counter and somehow managed to open up a big bottle of ibuprophen. I remember holding a ton of pills in my hand and looking at them. Child logic said it would kill me or make me very sick quickly, but I heard my dad coming downstairs so I put them all away. I must have been in 3rdish grade.

When death becomes an option at such a young age, its no longer this huge deal. Its now a flippant choice you can make. Being bullied? I can ctb tomorrow. Failing school? Let me down some DPH. You get the point. It no longer becomes a serious decision because suddenly you were meant to die a long time ago. Life lost its value then and there. And whats worse is, like another user said, there is no before. I dont remember valuing or deeply enjoying life. I remember fear.

There are some other childhood traumas that definitely also impacted how I view myself and my place in this world. I wont go into detail, but it had the impact that the only way I can get people to like me/want me is by being a sex object- so this combined with above leads me to beileve that I am the only person that exists with no inherent value due to being human. The world does not want me. I know logically this is not true, but deep down it feels like a fact.

How can I prevent these biases? I really, really do not know. If I knew I do not think I would be here, because then there is weight to my death. I would be more fearful and sorrowful upon possibly losing my life.

I hope all of that made sense and is what you were kinda looking for, might have gone on too much of a rant lol

Not at all. I thank you for sharing

So you don't feel any fear or sorrow regarding death?

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

Not at all. I thank you for sharing

So you don't feel any fear or sorrow regarding death?

Not my own. I do have SI that lingers, and I have some curiousity on if things could get better (tbh, living right now feels like self harm), but otherwise I am not fearful of my death and I do not think it would be inherently sad. Its why I live very recklessly, like Ill try any drug without regard to basic harm reduction (something I preach a lot on irl) or I will meet up with strangers at 3am. I would not purposefully ctb right now, but I also wouldnt care if I did.