How bad is your anxiety when you leave the house?

[Mr. Incapable]

I've always struggled with anxiety, and social anxiety, and the last few months I've been relatively ok but the last two weeks I've really seen a decline in myself and my anxiety increasing. I went into town today, took a bus and did some grocery shopping but I could barely keep my eyes off the ground. Every time a person approached me, passed or got too close I felt my stress and anxiety going up. I usually use the self service checkouts to avoid having to talk to anyone but since I bought wine a store worker had to come over to check my ID - I hated that so much and as I walked home I found myself whispering under my breath saying "get me home, nearly home, oh fuck someone's walking my direction on this path, get me home, home is safe..etc". There's no real reason for me sharing this.. I just felt like writing what's bothering me right now. Human contact and interaction is just painful at the moment. I wish I didn't have to go back to work next week. I'm off until Tuesday. If I can find the time to be alone on Monday I might try to ctb.. I don't know.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's like navigating a fucking minefield.

 

[downndone2]

I do okay when out but terrible thinking about and preparing form sometimes when out I get triggered. I'll often cancel stuff. And I rarely leave (1-2x a week)

 

[Tartuffe]

Mine is bad, I dont leave the house till it's dark out, something about the daylight just triggers me more

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

It's legitimately terrifying to even think about at this point. Ever since I was forced to move back in with my parents last year my agoraphobia has gotten so bad now that I can't even step out the door anymore.
It fucking sucks, I was actually getting better for this more than ever before I had to come back here, but this shitty village is nothing but traumatic memories for me. I wish I could escape it.

I walked home I found myself whispering under my breath saying "get me home, nearly home, oh fuck someone's walking my direction on this path, get me home, home is safe..etc".

That's spot on exactly what I would always do when I went outside before this, especially when I was younger. I draw up a map of the entire village to plan my route of getting to the store and back as far away from potentially dangerous people as possible, marking all the spots these horrible men might attack me again.

I remember once back when I was in school, I was extremely drunk, coming back home from my friend's house. It was very late, I had to cross a field dark field to get back. At one point, I noticed a dude walking behind me up the hill to the field, and as I went down the turn into the alley leading to the field I saw him behind me again, following, in a very secluded place. I immediately thought "fuck, he really is following me," got so spooked I was going to be violated again that I just started sprinting away as fast as possible until I got home. Thinking on the spot the fastest way to is (take a left here, a right here, etc.)

Ironically, I can't even step outside to get into my car now it's got so bad.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's legitimately terrifying to even think about at this point. Ever since I was forced to move back in with my parents last year my agoraphobia has gotten so bad now that I can't even step out the door anymore.
It fucking sucks, I was actually getting better for this more than ever before I had to come back here, but this shitty village is nothing but traumatic memories for me. I wish I could escape it.

That's spot on exactly what I would always do when I went outside before this, especially when I was younger. I draw up a map of the entire village to plan my route of getting to the store and back as far away from potentially dangerous people as possible, marking all the spots these horrible men might attack me again.

I remember once back when I was in school, I was extremely drunk, coming back home from my friend's house. It was very late, I had to cross a field dark field to get back. At one point, I noticed a dude walking behind me up the hill to the field, and as I went down the turn into the alley leading to the field I saw him behind me again, following, in a very secluded place. I immediately thought "fuck, he really is following me," got so spooked I was going to be violated again that I just started sprinting away as fast as possible until I got home. Thinking on the spot the fastest way to is (take a left here, a right here, etc.)

Ironically, I can't even step outside to get into my car now it's got so bad.

I guess it's just a matter of taking baby steps. If you were in such a state that this didn't pose as much of a challenge, perhaps you can get back to that state.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would just prefer to avoid anywhere where there is people, the thought of being around many people is so horrible to me, this world certainly disgusts me and I could never want anything to do with existing at all.

 

[resolutory]

When I last went to the doctor for something unrelated she said to me 'do you have anxiety? or is it just because you're here?' I said 'I don't know, why?' and she said 'your heart rate is over 100.' She then checked my records and said 'oh, it's just always over 100.'

So I suppose I must be a pretty anxious person.

 

[Lost Magic]

I do most of my shopping (including groceries) online. I barely go out at all anymore, unless I go to the chemist to pick up my meds and the little shop next to it for some odds and ends.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I guess it's just a matter of taking baby steps. If you were in such a state that this didn't pose as much of a challenge, perhaps you can get back to that state.

I agree, I actually was doing pretty well with it last summer, I'd walk down to a bench each morning to read for a bit and then come back.
But because my partner and I could no longer afford rent and expenses together (thx. UK economy) we both had to move back in with our respective parents, and the place my parents live is a poverty and crime-ridden shithole. I was shocked at how it'd gotten even worse in the couple years I'd been gone.
It's so violent around here, I've been attacked in the streets and violated multiple times before I managed to get out.
It's really hard to try and push yourself through a perceived dangerous situation when you know by experience that danger is actually real and not just your anxiety projecting it.

I do appreciate your words of advice though, thank you. As spring approaches I want to start going out again and I can't just be trapped here forever if I want to do that. I do wanna keep trying still.

 

[cristaleyez]

I only really ever go out for doctor's appointments nowadays. I avoid talking to people IRL as much as I can.

I told myself that if I had my own house and I was living alone I would've boarded up the windows by now.

 

[Ravel]

that's one of the reasons I've been a recluse for 6 years or more, my anxiety seems to get worse every year

 

[Bitterman1996]

When i actually go out it's not that bad but making myself actually go out is hard. Kept thinking about what possibly could go wrong & not dressing well enough. Not looking sane. Etc etc


Usually after outing i have 0 energy and just got really depressed for some reason too