i see alot of people saying they want to do nothing. i understand it since this is all sorta futile, but i have alot of things that i'm doing. i want to live as "happily" as i can before i go. there's a girl i like, i'm a little worried about how my death will effect her so i'm trying to ease the pain before it happens. make sure she knows that it's not her fault, how much i love her and want her to be successful and find peace, however she may do that. at this point she's really the only reason i'm still living, and i want her to know how much she meant to me, gonna spend alot of time with her. other than that i'm gonna make a few good art peices too, meaningful ones that'll leave some hint to how i experienced life for those who couldnt tell. play the video games on my pc that i've put off for so long since i never had the motivation to complete them. and then there's the things directly assosiated to my death. i need to write a thoughtful suicide note, one for whoever finds me, and one to that girl i mentioned. after i've chosen my ctb method, i'm going to choose a beautiful location. i want to die in a beautiful state of body, place, and mind. and other than that i don't have much i look forward to. maybe eat some good food too.