How are people okay with standing out?

[Breakout92]

I was at the grocery store yesterday. I'm from a kind of rural area, and most people here dress very plainly. But yesterday I saw this couple, that I guess were goth. They were in all black, very unique looking clothes and hairstyles, even the man was wearing makeup. Meanwhile, when I had a boyfriend I couldn't even hold his hand in public (same sex relationship and I am too scared to stand out).

How do people do it? Can you learn to be ok with standing out and being unique, having attention placed on you? I've always wanted to just be invisible and not intrude or impose myself on anyone. I'd rather not have any impact on anyone's life.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I wear neon pink shirts on occassion to stand out. It's kinda fun. Also, no one really cares either.

 

[Breakout92]

Also, no one really cares either.

I sort of logically know that nobody cares. But emotionally i can't get past it. I've always been a hyper conformist growing up. It's deeply dissatisfying to live a life strictly according to these arbitrary rules that authority figures imposed on me as a child.

When I actually type it out it seems like I'm just whining but I honestly have no idea how to break out of it. The advice always seems to be "just do it".

 

[Mentalmick]

I don't know if you can to be honest, not unless you can deal with being uncomfortable, I know I can't. I ride motorbikes and they're pretty loud so I get a few looks and I hate it.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I sort of logically know that nobody cares. But emotionally i can't get past it. I've always been a hyper conformist growing up. It's deeply dissatisfying to live a life strictly according to these arbitrary rules that authority figures imposed on me as a child.

When I actually type it out it seems like I'm just whining but I honestly have no idea how to break out of it. The advice always seems to be "just do it".

You sound like I was when I was younger. I would, and still do to this day, try to avoid standing out. The easiest way to try to stand out is to wear something that's out of character. For me, it was neon pink shirts. So, try putting on a hat or wearing something different. You can always take it off if you get too stressed.

The same is true with the authority figure rules. As long as you're not like going on a meth binge, you can get away with taking little steps that break the conditioning. Those things are specific to your situation.

 

[signifying nothing]

You could start by trying something that isn't even visible to other people, but that you know is outside the norm for you. Doing that could show you how much of it is in your own mind vs actually standing out when around other people?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I stand out by being a total loser and eventually killing myself.

 

[TessB]

I feel like I stand out being a fat girl.. and it totally depends on my mood how I handle it. If I'm on a low I can't bear it and don't even want to go out.. if I'm feeling high that day or a bit buzzing I try to just rock it... I try to imagine how someone confident would walk and hold their head up high and do the same and try to imagine people are staring for good reasons not because I have a planet sized ass..
I had a same sex relationship 2 years ago and we were walking round the whole of London holding hands, making out in bars and especially tourists were staring. There was this guy with his wife who couldn't keep his eyes off us when he was opposite us in Yo Sushi and she was joking round feeding me and shit..but I actually couldn't give a fuck about people staring for that reason.. I was doing nothing wrong. I know gay men probably have it harder in that sense getting hassle for holding hands and stuff?

 

[LunarPyotr]

I don't know if you can to be honest, not unless you can deal with being uncomfortable, I know I can't. I ride motorbikes and they're pretty loud so I get a few looks and I hate it.

Do you also get those dumbasses who jump in front of you just to let their anger out?

 

[Mentalmick]

Do you also get those dumbasses who jump in front of you just to let their anger out?

I just go straight over the top of people like that.

 

[LunarPyotr]

I just go straight over the top of people like that.

I see. The older people here in Germany have nothing to do and keep always complaining about us but when I do a wheelie, they gtfo immedietly to the side walk. My old friend had his Kawasaki totaled because of such an asshole. He didn't even cared that my friend had an accident and just walked away form. Later on he got sued for not helping him after he had an accident. We have a law here that forbids such an behavior : P

 

[Mentalmick]

It's filtering they seem to hate here in Britain. The amount of peeping horns and fist shaking I get is mental. I suppose God gave us a middle finger for a reason.

 

[Symbiote]

I stopped caring what people thought of me and how I look. If they thought negatively or think I'm ugly, then that's their problem.

 

[saltshaker]

Raw seering contempt for everyone else can help you ignore it.

I just don't respect other people enough to care what they're thinking.

 

[Mentalmick]

Raw seering contempt for everyone else can help you ignore it.

I just don't respect other people enough to care what they're thinking.

Yep, it's amazing how quickly a sneer changes someone's opinion towards you. Usually for the better.

 

[Hirokami]

Being dead inside helps. I don't care about myself that much, so why would I care about what people think of me?

 

[Tegan_sky]

I'm a female, 6 feet tall, and due to freakishly thin hair, these days I always wear a hat. Someone here mentioned wearing a hat to stand out/look different. I can say that it sure seems that with the sight of a tall woman wearing hat, people have a meltdown. Stares, double takes...and like another commenter, I often dread going out because of it. It does help when I wear my sunglasses that have such dark lenses no one can see my eyes at all, it feels like protection somehow. So to answer the question, for me, no, I loathe standing out. I really wish there was a power or "superpower" of being invisible.

 

[Last chance]

I live in a farming town and used to have an 8 inch high mohawk and walk around town topless blasting out music from a stereo. I just didnt give a fuck!

There's no way I could do that now,I guess I just grew/sobered up.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'm nearly 50,and l wear all Black clothing! Black jeans, Black Boots, Black leather studded arm gauntlets with 1-inch spikes, a Black Punisher T-shirt, Black Goth Boots and my regular skin head,l love goth clothing but l draw the line at make up, that would seriously conflict with my upbringing! And Sometimes l wear Camouflage Clothing/or a olive green/or Camouflage T-Shirt with the word 'infidel' in Bright Red across the chest,That one always gets attention! And Those Sheeple's who don't like it then they can go call the Samaritans!!! Grow old disgracefully is my Motto!

 

[whywere]

Hi! I am 65 years young, bi and I have stood out all my life. I have never harmed or did anything to anybody bad in my life. Like @Symbiote said that it is their problem. I have had blaze orange hair, dressed way over the top in different fashions and generally lived to have fun and enjoy myself. I have had so, so many people stare at me, give me very nasty comments and even hate language. I could care less and have danced around them to tick them off even more. I can not stand narrow minded, self centered and greedy people. always easy to judge, hard to understand. With me being older, I now laugh at people who in the past thought I was weird, or whatever, becasue now they are like, gee I wish when I was younger that I did this or that. I laugh in their face, ask if they remember giving me such a hard time way back and I move on. I STILL go all out and do whatever pleases me. I never bother anyone, break any laws, just have a blast. I may row my boat different than some but I have a hell of a good time being me and I LOVE it!! Walter

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

for me, i have seen how i've been treated in both mainstream clothes/looks and the way i enjoy dressing and putting my whole look together-- bottom line is that people either ignore me (sometimes they talk smack because idk why) or treat me like trash in the mainstream look and when i'm in the look i enjoy, i'm still treated like trash and either glanced at or talked briefly about with company but i feel better in the look i enjoy over the mainstream look. so, its like i get treated like trash and cruelly in either look but at least i feel more like me in the clothes i prefer wearing.

 

[WornOutLife]

They really don't give a fuck about the rest of the world. I kinda admire them for having such guts.
I used to be a youtuber and once, I cosplayed on the streets. I was dressed as "Goku" from Dragon Ball Z. You can't imagine how embarassed I felt but somehow, I got the guts to go for it and that video was quite viral.

I guess it all depends on us.

Anyway, now, I just wear casual clothes or suits most of time. I don't want to stand out anymore.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Let's not forget the other standing out - that is doing such a good job at something that it comes to the attention of other people. It's a good feeling if you can find it.

 

[Breakout92]

Thanks for the replies everyone. It seems like this is just something that I have to work on over time. It's very hard but I hope I can take small steps and achieve this kind of recovery.

Let's not forget the other standing out - that is doing such a good job at something that it comes to the attention of other people. It's a good feeling if you can find it.

Oddly enough even this bothers me. I was always a good student in school but the only people who's praise didn't make me uncomfortable were my parents. Everyone else (teachers, etc.) just made me feel guilty. Today I hate when my boss congratulates me on a job well done, or anything like that.

 

[Carrotcake]

I can relate to wanting to be invisible. I'm always very focused on observing my surroundings in order to blend in. It comes with a lot of anxiety.

The only moments I have been able to get past it, have been when I was feeling completely dead inside, like another user wrote on this thread. But I suppose that is not the healthy way to approach it.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Hi! I am 65 years young, bi and I have stood out all my life. I have never harmed or did anything to anybody bad in my life. Like @Symbiote said that it is their problem. I have had blaze orange hair, dressed way over the top in different fashions and generally lived to have fun and enjoy myself. I have had so, so many people stare at me, give me very nasty comments and even hate language. I could care less and have danced around them to tick them off even more. I can not stand narrow minded, self centered and greedy people. always easy to judge, hard to understand. With me being older, I now laugh at people who in the past thought I was weird, or whatever, becasue now they are like, gee I wish when I was younger that I did this or that. I laugh in their face, ask if they remember giving me such a hard time way back and I move on. I STILL go all out and do whatever pleases me. I never bother anyone, break any laws, just have a blast. I may row my boat different than some but I have a hell of a good time being me and I LOVE it!! Walter

Walter, You Rock, l'd go for a pint with you Anytime!

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm a goth myself so I can say I've gotten used to standing out. I dress in what makes me happy and thats given me enough confidence to go out as I am.

I'm lucky where I'm living most people are happy to see me, asking me about clothing brands and offering compliments. The negative has taken more getting used to but nowadays it's water off a ducks back. Scoffs and not so sneaky photos taken without permission no longer bother me. I couldn't give a damn if people don't like how I look, I'm expressing my love for music and clothing

When I want to be invisible, I dig out an old coloured top and joggers and keep my head down. Being invisible has its perks but it's just not sustainable for me.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I stopped caring what people thought of me and how I look. If they thought negatively or think I'm ugly, then that's their problem.

Same here, I wear what I want, whenever I want.

 

[whywere]

Walter, You Rock, l'd go for a pint with you Anytime!

Thank you @Lone wolf as I would love to have a pint with you also. I love my family here alot and I have never been to United Kingdom yet. Again THANK YOU for the very kind thought. Darn Covid-19 is all I can say. Walter