Hotel booked

[Idontmatter]

My hotel room is booked. I'm making my final plans. I'm enjoying my last couple of weeks with my family. I've postponed ctbing a few times hoping I would get better for my family but im not. You all won't have to put up with me much longer. I'm hoping no one minds me posting the day of since I'll be nervous but I'll be ready. I've met so many nice people on here. I'm drinking sn that evening and I hope everything works correctly and I'll be gone that night. I'm ready to join the many that I have seen ctb from this forum.

 

[Euthanza]

I will die. You will die. Death is not a question of if; it is only a question of when and how. I wish you peace and dignity, my friend

 

[Idontmatter]

I will die. You will die. Death is not a question of if; it is only a question of when and how. I wish you peace and dignity, my friend

Thank you. I'm definitely ready. I'm feeling less anxious and more relief now each time I think about it. The only anxious feeling I have is the slight chance of failure.

 

[Euthanza]

Thank you. I'm definitely ready. I'm feeling less anxious and more relief now each time I think about it. The only anxious feeling I have is the slight chance of failure.

It's normal to have any kind of feelings in such time, you're strong man

 

[keitaro]

i hope everything goes smoothly~

 

[Julgran]

You all won't have to put up with me much longer. I'm hoping no one minds me posting the day of since I'll be nervous but I'll be ready.

You don't need to feel embarrassed. If you like, you can even create a goodbye thread and keep in touch at the point of drinking your SN, like some others have, if it will help you keep calm.

Regardless - good luck!

 

[Theanswer]

My hotel room is booked. I'm making my final plans. I'm enjoying my last couple of weeks with my family. I've postponed ctbing a few times hoping I would get better for my family but im not. You all won't have to put up with me much longer. I'm hoping no one minds me posting the day of since I'll be nervous but I'll be ready. I've met so many nice people on here. I'm drinking sn that evening and I hope everything works correctly and I'll be gone that night. I'm ready to join the many that I have seen ctb from this forum.

Absolutely not - it's no bother. We are here for you. I'm also finalizing stuff for ctb in a couple of weeks and will be posting a goodbye thread as suggested. Wishing you peace and success.

 

[Idontmatter]

It's normal to have any kind of feelings in such time, you're strong man

I wish I was strong. I'm a weak piece of shit. I just want to get it done.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of just wishing that it is all over and I know that it is hard to carry on when you are so tired. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point. I hope that you find relief from your suffering. Best wishes.

 

[Theanswer]

I wish I was strong. I'm a weak piece of shit. I just want to get it done.

You are not a weak piece of shit. Come on. For me, ctb isn't easy but neither is continuing to live like this. Sometimes we are stronger than we think. I've read some helpful posts about dealing with automatic SI thoughts.

 

[Idontmatter]

You are not a weak piece of shit. Come on. For me, ctb isn't easy but neither is continuing to live like this. Sometimes we are stronger than we think. I've read some helpful posts about dealing with automatic SI thoughts.

I just have a lot of self hatred. I've never liked myself. I just want to get checked into the hotel and get the sn going.

 

[QuietEnd]

I wish you peace

 

[Nirrend]

I hope that you're in peace with your choice <3

 

[cordolium]

im sorry but i feel extremely bad for whoever walks in to clean your hotel room and finds you. itll be hard for your family and itll be hard for a random person. either way there will be trauma caused

 

[Idontmatter]

im sorry but i feel extremely bad for whoever walks in to clean your hotel room and finds you. itll be hard for your family and itll be hard for a random person. either way there will be trauma caused

Not sure what else to do. I already feel like crap for leaving my family like this. I don't want my husband to find me

 

[cordolium]

Not sure what else to do. I already feel like crap for leaving my family like this. I don't want my husband to find me

all plans you do will hurt someone so i cant judge for you feeling bad about that. but at least try to talk to your husband about how youre feeling. but if you dont want to do that and youre 1000% sure you want to go then leave a note or something on the door or at least notify someone right before you do it. or just send a scheduled text. idk just keep it easy for the next few weeks. and i hope you find peace, in whatever decision you make <3

 

[Idontmatter]

I just can't win

 

[Euthanza]

im sorry but i feel extremely bad for whoever walks in to clean your hotel room and finds you. itll be hard for your family and itll be hard for a random person. either way there will be trauma caused

A "don't disturb sign" will work it out plus a paper note under the back door "don't come in, please call the police".

I think that's the price on criminalizing euthanasia and assisted suicide that has to be paid by the society in general.

It's already been hard for the A person, not to put societies' burden on him alone.

 

[Theanswer]

Not sure what else to do. I already feel like crap for leaving my family like this. I don't want my husband to find me

Totally understood. I will, and many others have, ctb in a hotel room.

A "don't disturb sign" will work it out plus a paper note under the back door "don't come in, please call the police".

I think that's the price on criminalizing euthanasia and assisted suicide that has to be paid by the society in general.

It's already been hard for the A person, not to put societies' burden on him alone.

This, exactly.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm enjoying my last couple of weeks with my family

Most people, when they're ready to die, ready to ctb, don't enjoy anything. Nothing. It's one of the indicators of hitting rock bottom, the loss of all hope. No matter what, I hope you find the peace you seek.

 

[Idontmatter]

Most people, when they're ready to die, ready to ctb, don't enjoy anything. Nothing. It's one of the indicators of hitting rock bottom, the loss of all hope. No matter what, I hope you find the peace you seek.

My husband has been very supportive. Just because I want ctb doesn't mean i don't want to spend my last weeks with him. I want his last memories of me to be good ones. Everyone's situation is different

 

[rainwillneverstop]

I'm sorry life has given you whatever pushed you to this stage, it's hard.
If you need to vent or just to talk, you can always message me.

 

[Judy Garland]

I like many others who have posted hope you find peace. :-( Life isn't easy to live. Some people make it look so simple but it really isn't. I feel nervous too, and I get anxiety when I walk through the steps I'm going to have to take. Tomorrow I'm going to the store and I'm picking up things to plan for. I expect I'll get nauseous and sick, so I'm picking up some extra rolls of paper towels just in case I fail and have a mess to clean up. I'm wondering if I should use a barf bag if I feel sick, rather than running to the bathroom. I don't want to die on the bathroom floor.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm using a big plastic bin for vomiting actually. This way I can keep everything in bed or by it and I don't have to walk so I don't collapse and make a lot of noise. I just ordered the measuring glass that has the 50 ml amount on it and a scale to measure the exact amount of sn

 

[Judy Garland]

I'm using a big plastic bin for vomiting actually. This way I can keep everything in bed or by it and I don't have to walk so I don't collapse and make a lot of noise. I just ordered the measuring glass that has the 50 ml amount on it and a scale to measure the exact amount of sn

Yeah I won't be able to measure the water, I'll just eyeball it but I do have a scale to measure out the SN. Good idea with the bin. I'm thinking, I'd either die in bed, or sitting on the couch either communicating through here, or just listening to music. I do plan on having music playing whether I end up in bed or on the couch. I might even play a little bit of Lawrence Welk.

 

[Idontmatter]

i was going to eye ball it but I'm so nervous about it not working so I looked online for a measuring cup with the 50ml line. I'm planning on sitting up in bed. I'm getting the room temperature just right and doing what I can to make myself comfortable. I've postponed this so many times hoping I could find a way to get better and I'm tired of nothing working so it's time for me to move on. I'll probably be on here rambling to help calm my nerves.

 

[Theanswer]

Yeah I won't be able to measure the water, I'll just eyeball it but I do have a scale to measure out the SN. Good idea with the bin. I'm thinking, I'd either die in bed, or sitting on the couch either communicating through here, or just listening to music. I do plan on having music playing whether I end up in bed or on the couch. I might even play a little bit of Lawrence Welk.

I wouldn't eye ball the water. I believe the measurement of SN and water is critical. Just my opinion.

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

Best of luck. My advice would be to keep contemplating your decision.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you the best of luck. Hoping you find the peace you are looking for.