rokonie
Member
- Jun 3, 2024
- 43
Idk if content warnings are necessary for these boards, but tw for eating disorder talk just in case.
So i'm bulimic, throwing up pretty much every meal daily. On good days i'll purge 1-2 times, normally it's 3, on days I can't control it it's 5-6 or more. Nondisordered people think im just choosing an extremely ineffective weight loss method and lecture me to "diet normally" or fucking hell "love my body" and im fucking sick of it because they don't get it at all. I'm addicted to binging and purging which is why i can't stop, but mainly, bulimia has more potential to be a fast killer than anorexia is (you know that infamous photo of the girl who died in front of the toilet purging?) and at this point i kind of hope my heart gives out during one of my purging attempts.
I think dying from bulimia will make it seem less of a suicide and more of an accident to my family. They'll think im some fat girl who died trying to get skinny.
I don't have other methods.. The only drugs i have access too is benadryl/dph and i know how ineffective and unpleasant that is. I'm too chicken to jump from somewhere high and I don't want to do it in public. I don't have access to firearms.
In the meantime it hasn't killed me, i still feel some of the effects throwing up everything i eat has. My bmi may be healthy but i still feel shaky and lightheaded from electrolyte imbalance and my period comes and goes. It's all "validation" that i'm unwell. Being physically healthy makes me feel like crap because ppl assume you are mentally healthy if your body is fine. Basically i struggle to get out of bulimia because it makes me feel valid while im alive and i know it could be my way out when the time comes.
I feel like this all sounds really stupid to people who dont struggle with b/ping, but there's a load of other reasons why i find my ED weirdly comforting to indulge in and im not just purely using it to ctb.
So i'm bulimic, throwing up pretty much every meal daily. On good days i'll purge 1-2 times, normally it's 3, on days I can't control it it's 5-6 or more. Nondisordered people think im just choosing an extremely ineffective weight loss method and lecture me to "diet normally" or fucking hell "love my body" and im fucking sick of it because they don't get it at all. I'm addicted to binging and purging which is why i can't stop, but mainly, bulimia has more potential to be a fast killer than anorexia is (you know that infamous photo of the girl who died in front of the toilet purging?) and at this point i kind of hope my heart gives out during one of my purging attempts.
I think dying from bulimia will make it seem less of a suicide and more of an accident to my family. They'll think im some fat girl who died trying to get skinny.
I don't have other methods.. The only drugs i have access too is benadryl/dph and i know how ineffective and unpleasant that is. I'm too chicken to jump from somewhere high and I don't want to do it in public. I don't have access to firearms.
In the meantime it hasn't killed me, i still feel some of the effects throwing up everything i eat has. My bmi may be healthy but i still feel shaky and lightheaded from electrolyte imbalance and my period comes and goes. It's all "validation" that i'm unwell. Being physically healthy makes me feel like crap because ppl assume you are mentally healthy if your body is fine. Basically i struggle to get out of bulimia because it makes me feel valid while im alive and i know it could be my way out when the time comes.
I feel like this all sounds really stupid to people who dont struggle with b/ping, but there's a load of other reasons why i find my ED weirdly comforting to indulge in and im not just purely using it to ctb.
