Venting hopeless.

[jacrispy]

feel like this is the only place I can discuss this and have others relate.
my life is unrecognizable at this point. I wake up every day and wait for it to end. the summer is exhausting, the days are too long and the sun shines too much. food tastes bland, even my favorite meals don't satisfy me anymore. talking to friends is a chore. I was able to hide how badly I was struggling for a while, but eventually broke down and every day is them checking to make sure I'm still alive. my family wants me to just "get over it" and be "happy", failing to understand that depression is an illness. even trying to CTB was a failure when I put a ridiculous amount of time, effort and research into it. I'm just exhausted in every single aspect. I don't want things to get better. even when they do it's fleeting. I find what I think is true happiness for a few days or weeks and it's gone like it never existed in the first place. there are 8 billion people on earth; more seconds than anyone will live in their life. why am I still here when so many people die of natural causes, accidents, murders, illnesses every day? people begging for a chance to live and I don't want to be here. it makes me feel ungrateful but I'm also tired of suffering so much. I truly want to go to sleep and not wake up.

 

[John Ryder]

there are 8 billion people on earth; more seconds than anyone will live in their life

That hits really hard, not to dismiss anything else you said. I know of your struggles with the rebreather's technical issues and I'm really hoping it's still going to work as a solution for you.

 

[LSDXMT]

It has been a lonely summer, and im scared of it finishing... good luck with finding what you seek.

 

[jacrispy]

That hits really hard, not to dismiss anything else you said. I know of your struggles with the rebreather's technical issues and I'm really hoping it's still going to work as a solution for you.

I didn't take it as dismissing anything I said. it's just a crazy thought that we struggle so much and want a way out, questioning what our significance is in this world when in reality, it's nothing. we will all die and the world will continue on. taking your own life should be a choice and something everyone is entitled to. it shouldn't be this difficult. I'm so fucking tired, man. have more nitrogen coming and hopefully next week will be it for me.

It has been a lonely summer, and im scared of it finishing... good luck with finding what you seek.

days have flown by and it all feels like one giant nightmare. I'm sorry you are scared and lonely. if there's anything you need to keep you sane please feel free to reach out to me. otherwise I hope you find what you seek as well.

 

[John Ryder]

I didn't take it as dismissing anything I said. it's just a crazy thought that we struggle so much and want a way out, questioning what our significance is in this world when in reality, it's nothing. we will all die and the world will continue on. taking your own life should be a choice and something everyone is entitled to. it shouldn't be this difficult. I'm so fucking tired, man. have more nitrogen coming and hopefully next week will be it for me.

days have flown by and it all feels like one giant nightmare. I'm sorry you are scared and lonely. if there's anything you need to keep you sane please feel free to reach out to me. otherwise I hope you find what you seek as well.

The whole thing reads like it could have been ghost written by me. I think we're in very similar places right now. And the goddamn sweltering ass record shattering summer heat isn't helping any of it either, pardon my frenchies

 

[jacrispy]

The whole thing reads like it could have been ghost written by me. I think we're in very similar places right now. And the goddamn sweltering ass record shattering summer heat isn't helping any of it either, pardon my frenchies

fuck it man, we're on a site talking about killing ourselves. doubt anyone is going to get offended by you talking about how the heat is getting to you.
it's scary yet oddly comforting knowing someone is in this same dreadful headspace. makes it feel like the struggle isn't made up. sorry you're going through it. if you ever want to talk I'm here

 

[John Ryder]

fuck it man, we're on a site talking about killing ourselves. doubt anyone is going to get offended by you talking about how the heat is getting to you.
it's scary yet oddly comforting knowing someone is in this same dreadful headspace. makes it feel like the struggle isn't made up. sorry you're going through it. if you ever want to talk I'm here

Humor is an indispensable aid for me, both in terms of appreciating external funny shit as well as a lifelong ability to crack myself the fuck up regardless of how it goes over with anyone else. I'm thankful for it every day

 

[Kerrtu]

it's just a crazy thought that we struggle so much and want a way out, questioning what our significance is in this world when in reality, it's nothing.

I'm relating to much of what you're feeling, ja. You really nailed it here. Sometimes…many times, I can't put into words the frustration and the grind of it all.

What you say here lessens the weight of the pain for me and I thank you for that. This day has been filled with so many tears though I know, relief is on its way. I hope relief finds you soon as well.

Thinking of you, grateful for you.

 

[toofargone6969]

I really relate to your words. Its hard for me to put into words this struggle but you did it beautifully. It is really tiring and difficult to continue existing when you feel like a shell of a person. I saw how much effort and research you put into your method and I can't imagine how it feels to have it not working out when it seemed so close. It really is fucked we have no good options and that keeps us trapped here. It's not right

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for as I get that it really can be so tiring and torturous feeling trapped here, it's horrible how suicide isn't seen as the human right that it should be, I hate how it's so difficult to leave this existence on our own terms.

 

[numbed one]

feel like this is the only place I can discuss this and have others relate.
my life is unrecognizable at this point. I wake up every day and wait for it to end. the summer is exhausting, the days are too long and the sun shines too much. food tastes bland, even my favorite meals don't satisfy me anymore. talking to friends is a chore. I was able to hide how badly I was struggling for a while, but eventually broke down and every day is them checking to make sure I'm still alive. my family wants me to just "get over it" and be "happy", failing to understand that depression is an illness. even trying to CTB was a failure when I put a ridiculous amount of time, effort and research into it. I'm just exhausted in every single aspect. I don't want things to get better. even when they do it's fleeting. I find what I think is true happiness for a few days or weeks and it's gone like it never existed in the first place. there are 8 billion people on earth; more seconds than anyone will live in their life. why am I still here when so many people die of natural causes, accidents, murders, illnesses every day? people begging for a chance to live and I don't want to be here. it makes me feel ungrateful but I'm also tired of suffering so much. I truly want to go to sleep and not wake up.

WE wall want to sleep and Never wakeup but it stills a fairytale , i tried an olanzapine overdose lately but i 've expérienced pain and going crazy Hope i'll die peacefully soon

 

[jacrispy]

I'm relating to much of what you're feeling, ja. You really nailed it here. Sometimes…many times, I can't put into words the frustration and the grind of it all.

What you say here lessens the weight of the pain for me and I thank you for that. This day has been filled with so many tears though I know, relief is on its way. I hope relief finds you soon as well.

Thinking of you, grateful for you.

I'm sorry you can relate to anything that was sad; it's sad but like you said also lessens the weight of the pain to know others feel this exact same way. your feelings are valid. whether you choose to leave or stay, relief will come for you as well. I'm also thinking of you and am grateful for you as well. if you ever need anything please let me know.

I really relate to your words. Its hard for me to put into words this struggle but you did it beautifully. It is really tiring and difficult to continue existing when you feel like a shell of a person. I saw how much effort and research you put into your method and I can't imagine how it feels to have it not working out when it seemed so close. It really is fucked we have no good options and that keeps us trapped here. It's not right

it was certainly heartbreaking being hooked up to the rebreather and thinking the pain was over, only for it to continue. you're right, it's absolutely fucked. we're not monsters, we're just looking for peace.

WE wall want to sleep and Never wakeup but it stills a fairytale , i tried an olanzapine overdose lately but i 've expérienced pain and going crazy Hope i'll die peacefully soon

OD is one of the most unreliable methods unfortunately. it absolutely sucks

 

[TheNihilisticViking]

I can definitely relate to this post because part of me wants to be alive and part of me wants to be dead and they are constantly at battle with each other. However the part of me that wants to be alive is a smaller percentage (something like 25% vs 75%). Also, I see that you're a Nihilistic person like me, so yeah I can relate. I suffer from mental health problems (depression, anxiety, OCD, social anxiety, panic attacks) and I also suffer from bowel problems (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) presumably caused by my mental health problems because my fight or flight mode kicks in whenever I'm severely anxious or stressed and I vomit or have diarrhoea. It's quite revolting sometimes and it depraving, too. Why Euthanasia isn't a thing in most western world countries is diabolical, if you ask me.