hopeless after infertility diagnosis

[ForWhomTheBellTolls]

OP mentioned it above. She could pay for it herself, and doesn't necessarily need a partner.

Even better!

 

[NoDream]

actually, having a child would turn my life around. i wouldn't touch drugs again. my life would have meaning again. i certainly am in no form of poverty, i have an excellent job, i own my own home and my work comes with with a year of full maternity pay. you know nothing about me. yes i have depression - are people with depression not allowed kids?

No, you would do more drugs. Its extreamly stressfull to be pregnant and having children. You have no idea whats going to happen and you becomes more vulnerable than you ever have been.

I have two, they are adults now, and i regret everything. My decision to have kids has only generated more suffering. Now they have children of their own and the suffering continues..........

 

[stellabelle]

No, you would do more drugs. Its extreamly stressfull to be pregnant and having children. You have no idea whats going to happen and you becomes more vulnerable than you ever have been.

I have two, they are adults now, and i regret everything. My decision to have kids has only generated more suffering. Now they have children of their own and the suffering continues..........

My mother always said children were the biggest mistake. And meant it.
I'm sorry you feel the way that you do.

 

[KatieW]

Its also another child that doesnt have to be raised by a "drug addict with serious mental health problems". This desire is very short-sighted and the diagnosis has a very thick silver lining. Having a child isnt some whim that you fulfill or some craving/desire to satisfy to make yourself feel better. Just go to burgerking and get some funnel cake fries or hey go to therapy but please dont have a kid specifically just to make yourself feel good. I dont underatand what is so offensive about being upset at things like this.

Anyone suicidal or with mental issues should simply avoid kids. It's quite selfless actually. Amazingly, inspite of my issues, my folks think popping a kid would make it all better.

 

[KatieW]

Their "judgment call" is nothing but submission to societal expectations. You have no autonomy, no objective happines, no way to live a life without being enslaved by someone else. Humans want control and somebody is always going to be at the other end of this, getting hurted. Relationships are pure cohersion. And that is just a thing that happens on the day-to-day, "trivial" scale.

Want a example of humans desperate need for control over others? Just look at how you ignored my question for you to explain your view on the matter. Empty questioning ontop of withdrawing of showing your own arguments are easy ways to express control over me in a debate. You don't want to grow from this discussion, you just wanna be right.

This is exactly how a parent feel. They don't want "the best for their childrem", they just want to have someone to control.

A very selfish statement often made. If you want the best for your kids simply don't bear them.

 

[Othermind]

basically, fuck you. don't take out your anger on your lack of funds on me. great - you sold your car. irrelevant. the trauma this has caused me is immense. just back the fuck up.

So you're a drug addict with serious mental health problems and a history of attempting to ctb via OD and you think you're anywhere near fit to bring a child into this world and be an halfway decent parent to them? Has the thought even crossed your mind that parenting is extremely difficult for the best of us and kids from broken homes/unstable parents usually end up suffering immensly?
Your potential kids have dodged a major bullet there, hopefully you're not elegible for adoption.
Sorry but I have no sympathy for this kind of thinking, most of us are here because somebody just couldn't keep it in their pants and/or overestimated their parenting abilities.
Good luck with your recovery.

 

[stellabelle]

Maybe an infertility board/forum would be a more suitable place/more supportive of you, OP.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

basically, fuck you. don't take out your anger on your lack of funds on me. great - you sold your car. irrelevant. the trauma this has caused me is immense. just back the fuck up.

Yeah the car thing got off topic but still the money part is important because it´s cruel to put a child in the world in the first place and then also expect stuff of them, there was even a thread about a man who sued his parents because he never consented to being born and he made a lot of valid points, one of them being they expect too much of him, mine doesn´t but still every parents expect their children to at least be able to get a job to get money to survive but a guy like me can´t do that and a lot of other people can´t so money is very important.

So I think the topic on having children while being poor is relevant to this topic but I of course got a lot off topic with the car thing and should be saved for another thread which I made.

Because your child might face a hard life and then he/she would have to ctb and be in the same dilemma we all are in since it´s so hard to end ones life so people should at least be able to provide for the children for as long as they live to at least insure they have a somewhat comfortable existence since the parents have brought them into this horrible world.

 

[Feline]

It's actually my dream to be infertile (I am militantly Childfree.) I probably wouldn't want to CTB!

Anyway, I would recommend jumping from anything that's about/over 300 ft.

on my birthday last year i found out i had contracted pelvic inflammatory disease, caused by chlamydia from my boyfriend i'd only been with for 4 months (i know i was 'clean' before then, i always get tested) and since then i've had multiple scans etc and the damage is far worse than first thought. i am essentially infertile without IVF.

i've now also been told i have PCOS and they want to remove my fallopian tubes entirely, that will happen in march.

all i ever wanted in life was to be a mum. i have no hope left. nobody wants me and certainly, no man would want to take on a drug addict with serious mental health problems. i've OD'd twice but failed since my diagnosis. spent a week in a psych ward also which was hell.

i'm finished with life now. i have a huge amount of xanax, diazepam, zopiclone, zolpiderm & such. i'd like the 'night night' method if possible but as i said before, it hasn't worked.

i have a high tolerance to benzos now so i'm not sure where to go or what to do. i've got gorilla tape also so it's an option but i'd rather just get high, fall asleep and never wake up.

any suggestions of mixtures of benzos/opiates? what have i been doing wrong?

 

[Strumgewehr]

OP mentioned it above. She could pay for it herself, and doesn't necessarily need a partner.

She might not need a partner but the child will need a father(not saying mothers are any less important). Take look at statistics on how children raised by single parents turn out to be. (Spoiler: not great). I expect a rational reply from you if you are gonna reply.

 

[stellabelle]

She might not need a partner but the child will need a father(not saying mothers are any less important). Take look at statistics on how children raised by single parents turn out to be. (Spoiler: not great). I expect a rational reply from you if you are gonna reply.

It's not a perfect world. Everyone pretty much came in here and put OP down. Even with a partner, doesn't mean that they would remain in their life. Who's to say that OP would want that sort of situation anyway? It was just a point not to assume that someone of the opposite gender would have to fund IVF, and that OP could. Women work and can pay for things on their own. Some people want to be single parents.

 

[Othermind]

Some people want to be single parents.

On top of everything else? Jesus...

 

[stellabelle]

On top of everything else? Jesus...

Not my cup of tea, but they're out there.

 

[Smilla]

Not my cup of tea, but they're out there.

It doesn't make it moral or right, but, hey let's gamble with yet another human life because I WANT TO-it's all the justification you need. Kids don't need Fathers, and who cares if the Mom is a drug addict, or a manic-depressive, and is using her offspring to save herself—keep the whole procreational beast going...because I WANT TO. Be damned the consequences for a child who didn't ask to be here, and was given the short end of the stick from the beginning via a mentally ill Mom and no Father—and worse, by conscious choice.

Using a child to "save you" or "give your life meaning" is an incredibly but all too common life trajectory that needs to be called out, and called out bluntly.

But, It's MY RIGHT to have a child. This is true, it is. Society is fucked up (we don't license parents), so keep fucking it up by bringing yet another suffering soul into existence with poor prospects right from the get-go!

God damn. I must be losing my mind to not see the OPs points from HER perspective.

 

[stellabelle]

It doesn't make it moral or right, but, hey let's gamble with yet another human life because I WANT TO-it's all the justification you need. Kids don't need Fathers, and who cares if the Mom is a drug addict, or a manic-depressive, and is using her offspring to save herself—keep the whole procreational beast going...because I WANT TO. Be damned the consequences for a child who didn't ask to be here, and was given the short end of the stick from the beginning via a mentally ill Mom and no Father.

It's MY RIGHT to have a child.

God damn. I must be losing my mind to not see the OPs points from HER perspective.

I never said that it was. It was just an umbrella statement that a lot of folks out there like the idea of single parenthood and are not phased by it. Mentally well or not.

Truth be told I think a lot of people slide through the cracks and are in a scenario like you've described and it is likely more common than we realize.

I think with proper treatment as well, some people wind up doing much better than they were before and their overall state of wellness can improve.

Struggles with depression and drug usage can be related to many underlying health issues.

I'm sure infertility has quite the impact on many people and can even cause these problems in some cases, hence suggesting that OP might want to visit a more suitable forum to discuss their feelings or struggles with others that share similar problems. There is support out there.

I'm not saying that I agree with either side of the coin. But I don't think that OP should be attacked. A trained professional might be able to help OP with some of these issues as well as people who can relate to some of her struggles.

 

[Smilla]

I don't care about umbrella statements re single parents; the way the OP presented her case was and is and continues to be off-putting and nonsensical. No one was attacking her, unless you define pointing out the obvious flaws in her infertility crisis to be attacking.

And it's nonsensical and selfish for anyone, anywhere, in any circumstance (let alone hers), to create a child because she will then "stop doing drugs" and "always wanted to be a Mum".

You mentioned IVF to her which is a horrifically bad idea and I doubt infertility caused these "problems" in the first place.

 

[stellabelle]

@opiategirl - here are some forums that might be helpful to you.


Infertility:



https://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/infertility/


https://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/



https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/becoming-mum-ttc-64/fertility-problems-39/


http://www.madeformums.com/forum/co...cos-forum-question-about-metformin/95035.html


(You can also google search "infertility forums" and have a look around.)



Depression forums:


https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums


https://support.therapytribe.com/depression-support-group/


https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/forums/depression-forum.366/


(Or again, use google as a tool and search for "depression support forums")


Drug recovery forums:


https://www.recovery.org/forums/


https://drugs-forum.com/forums/drug-addiction-recovery.424/


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/


(Just search the term "drug recovery forum" or similar keywords in your search engine.)


I hope these resources can help.

 

[Smilla]

@opiategirl - here are some forums that might be helpful to you.


Infertility:



https://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/infertility/


https://www.mothering.com/forum/179-infertility/



https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/becoming-mum-ttc-64/fertility-problems-39/


http://www.madeformums.com/forum/co...cos-forum-question-about-metformin/95035.html


(You can also google search "infertility forums" and have a look around.)



Depression forums:


https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums


https://support.therapytribe.com/depression-support-group/


https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/forums/depression-forum.366/


(Or again, use google as a tool and search for "depression support forums")


Drug recovery forums:


https://www.recovery.org/forums/


https://drugs-forum.com/forums/drug-addiction-recovery.424/


https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/


(Just search the term "drug recovery forum" or similar keywords in your search engine.)


I hope these resources can help.

The OP found a rather niche and obscure suicide forum, do you really think she needs all those links, perhaps she might have found them prior to discovery of SS?

I mean, seriously, it's not so hard to google "help I am a drug addict" or "infertility", but suicide forums for wanna be Moms—well, that takes a bit of work.

Very kind of you.