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Alex Fermentopathy

Alex Fermentopathy

Experienced
Feb 25, 2024
240
That's a scheduled message. I set it one week after a supposed CTB.

I have SN and antiemetics at home, and a full-hanging setup ready. But I will electrocute my heart like in this thread of mine:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...by-an-electrical-engineer-2022-photos.160648/

Wires are already connected to my heart area, everything is ready. I took painkillers (Metamizole + Ibuprofen) about an hour before, so they should start working at full or close to that.

I am not afraid of physical pain much, at least if I know that it will not last long. I even curious: how painful it could be? I will be even glad to feel some pain in the heart, cause that would mean that the heart would not last long.
I feel like no physical pain can be worse than an acute mental attack of my diseases, which I had sometimes.
Still, I started to feel a bit anxious at the last moments.

And that disease is my number 1 reason. It's a self-diagnosed biotin-dependent fermentopathy, an orphan (very rare) genetic metabolic disease of the brain, for which I blame the fact that my father worked as an air defence officer before my conception (and there are scientific studies linking the offspring of air defence officers with much increased rate of genetic mutations). As you've probably already guessed, that's why I have this profile picture.

My number 2 reason is a tinnitus and a partial hearing loss for which I partially blame my mother because she forced me to wake up in the morning and go with her to sea when I wanted to sleep, and yelled at me (that was at my 8 years at our vacation). So I made deep dives out of resentment (I don't like to be yelled at, especially when I had not enough sleep), pretending that I was drown, so I got otitis in a left ear and a slight hearing loss (at first I noticed it only as a sligh disbalance in headphones). About 20 years later, tinnitus developed in this ear, and disbalance become worse. Without that I could probably live with fermentopathy for some time more, as it seems that recently I managed to find a regimen that makes it bearable (still not sure that living with such a disease would worth it), but I am sure that the disease does constantly progress, so hardly I would want to live long anyway.
And partially I blame for that incident my fragile health due to the mentioned fermentopathy in a premorbid period, or due to other negative mutations.

I am 33 years old (in this month would be 34).
My mother will inherit my two-room apartment, for which I have fully paid the mortgage (I never worked outside of the home).

Goodbye everyone.
 
Last edited:
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Onelegman

Onelegman

I use a translator
May 24, 2024
475
I hope you have found peace and happiness
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Tortured by evil humans
Sep 24, 2020
35,213
Farewell, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.
 
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K

Kalista

Failed hard to pull the trigger - Now using SN
Feb 5, 2023
246
rest well
 
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davidtorez

davidtorez

Specialist
Mar 8, 2024
351
It's so sad it's come to this, but I definitely understand. Life wasn't meant for everyone
 
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R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,980
I hope you have found your peace. Rest easy 🕊
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
9,556
I hope you have found peace!

RIP 🕯️
 
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S

SMmetalhead36

Ready to have my forever date with suicide
Oct 6, 2023
281
Sorry you've had ro endure all of this, may you find the peace you're looking for. Best wishes.
 
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B

bigbang33

Member
May 28, 2024
7
I truly hope you have found peace 💝
 
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sugarh1gh

sugarh1gh

Death is new departure and beggining of a journey.
May 27, 2024
327
I hope everything goes well. Rest in peace.
 
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S

shatteredcrystal

Preferably me, partially not, probably in between.
Apr 8, 2024
21
Farewell, hope you find the peace you've been looking for
 
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F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
758
I hope you found peace. 🕯️🕊️
 
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Coconut blue

Coconut blue

Student
May 13, 2024
146
goodbye, im so sorry its come to this. i hope you're in a better place and no longer suffering
 
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drearysunrise

drearysunrise

Member
Feb 3, 2024
44
Thank you for sharing your story. Rest well🕯️
 
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ThatGuyOverThere

ThatGuyOverThere

Dull
Apr 25, 2024
28
If You did it, then I hope you found the peace that we all strive to obtain.
 
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itsneverbeenmoreove

itsneverbeenmoreove

You are just my love
May 21, 2024
68
I hope you found peace
 
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