Alex Fermentopathy
Experienced
- Feb 25, 2024
- 240
That's a scheduled message. I set it one week after a supposed CTB.
I have SN and antiemetics at home, and a full-hanging setup ready. But I will electrocute my heart like in this thread of mine:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...by-an-electrical-engineer-2022-photos.160648/
Wires are already connected to my heart area, everything is ready. I took painkillers (Metamizole + Ibuprofen) about an hour before, so they should start working at full or close to that.
I am not afraid of physical pain much, at least if I know that it will not last long. I even curious: how painful it could be? I will be even glad to feel some pain in the heart, cause that would mean that the heart would not last long.
I feel like no physical pain can be worse than an acute mental attack of my diseases, which I had sometimes.
Still, I started to feel a bit anxious at the last moments.
And that disease is my number 1 reason. It's a self-diagnosed biotin-dependent fermentopathy, an orphan (very rare) genetic metabolic disease of the brain, for which I blame the fact that my father worked as an air defence officer before my conception (and there are scientific studies linking the offspring of air defence officers with much increased rate of genetic mutations). As you've probably already guessed, that's why I have this profile picture.
My number 2 reason is a tinnitus and a partial hearing loss for which I partially blame my mother because she forced me to wake up in the morning and go with her to sea when I wanted to sleep, and yelled at me (that was at my 8 years at our vacation). So I made deep dives out of resentment (I don't like to be yelled at, especially when I had not enough sleep), pretending that I was drown, so I got otitis in a left ear and a slight hearing loss (at first I noticed it only as a sligh disbalance in headphones). About 20 years later, tinnitus developed in this ear, and disbalance become worse. Without that I could probably live with fermentopathy for some time more, as it seems that recently I managed to find a regimen that makes it bearable (still not sure that living with such a disease would worth it), but I am sure that the disease does constantly progress, so hardly I would want to live long anyway.
And partially I blame for that incident my fragile health due to the mentioned fermentopathy in a premorbid period, or due to other negative mutations.
I am 33 years old (in this month would be 34).
My mother will inherit my two-room apartment, for which I have fully paid the mortgage (I never worked outside of the home).
Goodbye everyone.
I have SN and antiemetics at home, and a full-hanging setup ready. But I will electrocute my heart like in this thread of mine:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...by-an-electrical-engineer-2022-photos.160648/
Wires are already connected to my heart area, everything is ready. I took painkillers (Metamizole + Ibuprofen) about an hour before, so they should start working at full or close to that.
I am not afraid of physical pain much, at least if I know that it will not last long. I even curious: how painful it could be? I will be even glad to feel some pain in the heart, cause that would mean that the heart would not last long.
I feel like no physical pain can be worse than an acute mental attack of my diseases, which I had sometimes.
Still, I started to feel a bit anxious at the last moments.
And that disease is my number 1 reason. It's a self-diagnosed biotin-dependent fermentopathy, an orphan (very rare) genetic metabolic disease of the brain, for which I blame the fact that my father worked as an air defence officer before my conception (and there are scientific studies linking the offspring of air defence officers with much increased rate of genetic mutations). As you've probably already guessed, that's why I have this profile picture.
My number 2 reason is a tinnitus and a partial hearing loss for which I partially blame my mother because she forced me to wake up in the morning and go with her to sea when I wanted to sleep, and yelled at me (that was at my 8 years at our vacation). So I made deep dives out of resentment (I don't like to be yelled at, especially when I had not enough sleep), pretending that I was drown, so I got otitis in a left ear and a slight hearing loss (at first I noticed it only as a sligh disbalance in headphones). About 20 years later, tinnitus developed in this ear, and disbalance become worse. Without that I could probably live with fermentopathy for some time more, as it seems that recently I managed to find a regimen that makes it bearable (still not sure that living with such a disease would worth it), but I am sure that the disease does constantly progress, so hardly I would want to live long anyway.
And partially I blame for that incident my fragile health due to the mentioned fermentopathy in a premorbid period, or due to other negative mutations.
I am 33 years old (in this month would be 34).
My mother will inherit my two-room apartment, for which I have fully paid the mortgage (I never worked outside of the home).
Goodbye everyone.
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