Honestly you guys I think I'm just gonna go for it next time my s/o has a workday

[Moon Flower]

Nothing gets better and I feel stupid for letting myself get sentimental enough to let a person who doesn't even try to understand stop me. I still have my sn, so hopefully I'll be able to work something out

 

[SoupSnakes]

I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding but is this your S/O who doesn't try to understand/ stop you? Unfortunately it's not a case of 'letting' yourself, the heart is a very strange thing. We're all here if you need to talk, please don't make any rash decisions

 

[Moon Flower]

I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding but is this your S/O who doesn't try to understand/ stop you? Unfortunately it's not a case of 'letting' yourself, the heart is a very strange thing. We're all here if you need to talk, please don't make any rash decisions

He tries to stop me and breaks down when I try, but then it's like he forgets anything was ever wrong in the first place if I'm not actively attempting and he thinks mental health issues are just something you need the willpower to force through and it just all feels like pro lifer platitudes in the end

 

[SoupSnakes]

He tries to stop me and breaks down when I try, but then it's like he forgets anything was ever wrong in the first place if I'm not actively attempting and he thinks mental health issues are just something you need the willpower to force through and it just all feels like pro lifer platitudes in the end

Maybe he isn't the best person to be around if that's the case? I would hate to think that you're making such a big decision because you don't have someone around you appropriately supporting you and understanding what you're going through

 

[Moon Flower]

Maybe he isn't the best person to be around if that's the case? I would hate to think that you're making such a big decision because you don't have someone around you appropriately supporting you and understanding what you're going through

It's possible but he's the only person I know where I live, and I have nowhere else to go as both my parents caught their respective buses and my sister's married with two kids and we're super estranged

 

[SoupSnakes]

It's possible but he's the only person I know where I live, and I have nowhere else to go as both my parents caught their respective buses and my sister's married with two kids and we're super estranged

God, I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I really feel for you in this situation, I wish I could help. It could be worth reaching out to your sister, I'm sure she would hate to hear your suffering, estranged or not.

 

[eSpJon]

let us know how sn feels if you can

 

[jgm63]

Well, if you decide to proceed then I wish you a safe journey.
Whatever you decide, it's going to be okay....

If you want to talk then let us know....

 

[I screwed up]

Guess u know what's best for u , but we here to listen to u and help in any possible way. U take care and wish u peace in whatever u decide to do

 

[SoupSnakes]

let us know how sn feels if you can

Please have some decency.

 

[Lotus1818]

Im assuming you're talking to him. It sounds like he doesnt know how a suicidal person thinks or feels. Im not sur ehow long you know him but it seems like he cares for you but hes not really thinking about how you feel about this whole thing. perhaps talking about that could make him understand more.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Im single tho catch a real bus my way. I understand. I got shitcanned for same reasons.

 

[lymbo]

s/o
whats that??

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

You need to do what's best for you, I'd hate to see you go but I no longer want to see you suffer.

I love you plenty. I hope your decision is the right one and you hop aboard when you're ready. x

 

[Morphosis]

s/o
whats that??

Significant Other. (partner/ other half etc)
Or Sygnyfycant Other in your language lol.... just teasing

 

[lymbo]

Significant Other. (partner/ other half etc)
Or Sygnyfycant Other in your language lol.... just teasing

your reason for ctb

 

[Morphosis]

your reason for ctb

My reason or OP'S reason?
Don't want to distract from original thread.
I am here as my entire life fell apart in one week. Partner, home, animals, finances and job/ career I really loved..... nothing left to live for really.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

It´s weird...I shouldn´t feel sad seeing you go because of my philosophy, I´m obviously not a pro-lifer. But I will miss you because you were so nice to me.

 

[noctiva]

Hei @lunarpoppies420, I hear you, it's very difficult to cope when people do not understand how you feel. I don't know your situation of course, but I would not say that your s/o doesn't try to understand. If he is not suicidal himself, he probably can't. People that have never had the idea to end their lives are unable to follow the logic, not because they don't try or don't want to or don't care about you, but simply because everything in their brain is wired towards making things better, and not towards ending it. In their logic, when dead, you can't make things better anymore. I think he might also be in a form of denial, he almost lost you, he was sensitive enough to pick up on what was going on and wanted to intervene and help you. I cannot imagine the fear he has gone though to try and catch you. To protect himself from being scared for you the whole time and just sitting on top of you to make sure you stay alive, he needs to go with the assumption that you will be alive when he comes back. I think otherwise, he wouldn't be able to leave you to go to work or get groceries etc etc.
It's difficult to foster mutual understanding, but it can be done if you communicate honestly and openly and if the other one is listening to the words of the other one and not to what s/he wants to hear. I'm sorry you feel so alone in this situation and that he isn't even trying to hear you, that must be super devastating. If you need someone to listen to you, please feel free to PM me.

 

[Moon Flower]

God, I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I really feel for you in this situation, I wish I could help. It could be worth reaching out to your sister, I'm sure she would hate to hear your suffering, estranged or not.

Oh, no, she started crying when I was put on antidepressants and made it about her, she'd be absolutely no help whatsoever and probably make it worse

let us know how sn feels if you can

I probably am gonna post here in my final moments, I only discovered sn because of this forum so I feel like I owe it to you guys to document it's effects to the best of my ability

Im assuming you're talking to him. It sounds like he doesnt know how a suicidal person thinks or feels. Im not sur ehow long you know him but it seems like he cares for you but hes not really thinking about how you feel about this whole thing. perhaps talking about that could make him understand more.

We've already had a really long talk about it, but the second I'm not actively attempting everything just reverts and he stops being understanding of everything

You need to do what's best for you, I'd hate to see you go but I no longer want to see you suffer.

I love you plenty. I hope your decision is the right one and you hop aboard when you're ready. x

It´s weird...I shouldn´t feel sad seeing you go because of my philosophy, I´m obviously not a pro-lifer. But I will miss you because you were so nice to me.

I love you guys I'm gonna miss you two <3 <3 <3

 

[WhiteDespair]

I am now thinking of all the horrible ways you can make the situation worse. Amusing to me.

 

[Moon Flower]

I am now thinking of all the horrible ways you can make the situation worse. Amusing to me.

I mean doing it first chance I get will prooooobably make things worse tbh. We live with his mom and while she's not particularly nosy if I don't text him for long enough he sends her to check on me if he's at work. I could always go to the woods but it's hunting season in the south and that could end in a different kind of ctb entirely if someone hears a sound and mistakes it for an animal

 

[WhiteDespair]

I guess telling him to check the fridge, winky face, is out.

You're going to have a rough time if you're under watch.

God, I'm getting flashbacks to Newgrounds flash games.

 

[Moon Flower]

I guess telling him to check the fridge, winky face, is out.

You're going to have a rough time if you're under watch.

God, I'm getting flashbacks to Newgrounds flash games.

I mean I guess I could do it when everyone's asleep, seems like most sn under watch success stories go that way

 

[WhiteDespair]

That's a possibility. No clue how loud you can get from SN. Then again, if trynacbt didn't get caught with someone outside of her room it does sound plausible. Maybe there's a treehouse you can use...

Can you explain what you mean when he loses all understanding when you're not trying to CtB?

 

[realjunes]

My reason or OP'S reason?
Don't want to distract from original thread.
I am here as my entire life fell apart in one week. Partner, home, animals, finances and job/ career I really loved..... nothing left to live for really.

Morphosis, I can relate to you entirely, I agree, except for a lovely friend online, I don't feel much to live for.

 

[Morphosis]

Morphosis, I can relate to you entirely, I agree, except for a lovely friend online, I don't feel much to live for.

Aww I couldn't have coped without you this past while @realjunes

 

[Bumblebee]

Hei @lunarpoppies420, I hear you, it's very difficult to cope when people do not understand how you feel. I don't know your situation of course, but I would not say that your s/o doesn't try to understand. If he is not suicidal himself, he probably can't. People that have never had the idea to end their lives are unable to follow the logic, not because they don't try or don't want to or don't care about you, but simply because everything in their brain is wired towards making things better, and not towards ending it. In their logic, when dead, you can't make things better anymore. I think he might also be in a form of denial, he almost lost you, he was sensitive enough to pick up on what was going on and wanted to intervene and help you. I cannot imagine the fear he has gone though to try and catch you. To protect himself from being scared for you the whole time and just sitting on top of you to make sure you stay alive, he needs to go with the assumption that you will be alive when he comes back. I think otherwise, he wouldn't be able to leave you to go to work or get groceries etc etc.
It's difficult to foster mutual understanding, but it can be done if you communicate honestly and openly and if the other one is listening to the words of the other one and not to what s/he wants to hear. I'm sorry you feel so alone in this situation and that he isn't even trying to hear you, that must be super devastating. If you need someone to listen to you, please feel free to PM me.

This explains it so perfectly. I feel exactly the same about my partner he will listen to me crying for half an hour once I stop crying it's literally like nothing has happened and he literally acts like I'm just fine straight after when I'm really not but I wont bring it up with him again because I know it's no use to me. But this comment is absolutely correct I'm never mad at him because it's because he literally has no idea or understanding to be any kind of sympathetic towards the situation.