Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
I slept a total of maybe like 10hrs??? Im not too too sure but yee...
The melatonin I bought seemed to really do it's thing. So that's nice tho I'm not sure if I fell back asleep bc of extra meds or CBD... so im gonna think about that bc falling asleep is half the battle and staying asleep isn't a thing but falling BACK asleep is the other half of the battle.
Anyway... I woke up today feeling... not per say better but maybe a lil more "grounded" (I hate that word but that's a rant for another day) realized CTB in my own hands is half the battle and if I qualify for M.A.I.D then I might as well apply and then if a doctor doesn't/ isnt willing to take me own take it from there. Use the anger that would create to fuel CTB in my own hands. I dunno but eitherway/anyway I'm seeing my doctor this week. Im telling her to make the referral to the. M.A.I.D program at the hospital and yee.
Otherwise just gonna try to live ig. And keep tryna find a SN source that'll ship to.Canada. or figuring out some methods I see my hands & brain being able to execute.
Yeah... I'm not ok. The thought of leaving this world makes me feel light but my part of my purpose within living is trying to make living feel just as light. If it's even fucking possible.
Ig this is my resolve to try to keep the impulsive suicidality at bay I dunno.
Gonna do an art group online, go to the store, buy coffee and incense and maybe ask my friend for help with that instead of ubereats like she offered. My appetite is non existent. Ima eat today but I'm not too hard pressed about it.
The melatonin I bought seemed to really do it's thing. So that's nice tho I'm not sure if I fell back asleep bc of extra meds or CBD... so im gonna think about that bc falling asleep is half the battle and staying asleep isn't a thing but falling BACK asleep is the other half of the battle.
Anyway... I woke up today feeling... not per say better but maybe a lil more "grounded" (I hate that word but that's a rant for another day) realized CTB in my own hands is half the battle and if I qualify for M.A.I.D then I might as well apply and then if a doctor doesn't/ isnt willing to take me own take it from there. Use the anger that would create to fuel CTB in my own hands. I dunno but eitherway/anyway I'm seeing my doctor this week. Im telling her to make the referral to the. M.A.I.D program at the hospital and yee.
Otherwise just gonna try to live ig. And keep tryna find a SN source that'll ship to.Canada. or figuring out some methods I see my hands & brain being able to execute.
Yeah... I'm not ok. The thought of leaving this world makes me feel light but my part of my purpose within living is trying to make living feel just as light. If it's even fucking possible.
Ig this is my resolve to try to keep the impulsive suicidality at bay I dunno.
Gonna do an art group online, go to the store, buy coffee and incense and maybe ask my friend for help with that instead of ubereats like she offered. My appetite is non existent. Ima eat today but I'm not too hard pressed about it.
