Hiding Sanctioned Suicide; have you ever been found out, or maybe... wanted to be?

[Ghost2211]

I read it around people. I really don't care what they think. Ex and therapist know I talk to a suicide based support group, but not what the site name or location.

 

[itsmeagain]

I mean the yellow smile (hug) that you just left on my comment.

I know it's not the same. I wish it could mean something more.

Lol I open it anywhere anytime, almost though. I open it on my phone and no one bothers to look at what you're doing. And it's hard to see what I'm doing on my phone so. However there are times you can't open it.

Yeah there are certain times you know it depends.

Lol I open it anywhere anytime, almost though. I open it on my phone and no one bothers to look at what you're doing. And it's hard to see what I'm doing on my phone so. However there are times you can't open it.

Yeah there are certain times you know it depends.

There's been so many times that I've wanted to open up the site while I'm out and about in public. I don't only because I know it's risky. The other question is, has anyone told someone about this site, even if they weren't recommending it?
Do we keep this to ourselves because it could be taken down if people hear about it?
That's the reason that I choose not to use it in public at least. Because I know it's risky and I don't want this site to receive attention from the pro-lifers :/

Oh perhaps, I completely get it. I don't want this site taken down either, it's like the only one of its kind.

Personally don't really care anymore. I have SS on a separate browser app than most of my browsing so its always separate but ill still browse in public on transit etc. Have considered sharing the site with some internet friends but havent as of yet

Also, not SS specifically but I have Geo Stones book on the topic, and I know when I lived with my parents they had seen it and "moved it" (read:tried to throw it out)but bitch thats an expensive ass book, no way in hell its getting out of my possession. But mostly I REALLY hate sitting through peoples fake interest in my wellbeing.

More recently one of my friends cleaned my apartment (depression mess and living alone) and moved the book also, but no mention of it or awkward speaking whatsoever. I think I love her.

You love her? Wow. that's amazing. Love truly is strange you know. But what is geo stones book? Worried to look it up if it's big before i enable VPN

I think I was scrolling through the site in the University, and someone from my behind saw me using it. Something more happened,but I dont remember. A few days ago, I dreamt of someone killing me in a gun shooting game. It was like each person will be given a gun, and they can kill the other person.One lady shot me in the leg,and I fell down.Then she came to me.I told her to shoot me in the head,and she shot me in the head.I was so happy,but suddenly I woke up and realized that it was dream.

I've dreampt about suicide a couple times too. It's peaceful sometimes but it'll never be as real as the real thing, because how can anyone know?

 

[trouble]

I've been on this site in class, too — no one really looks at my phone anyway, and I always make sure that the display is dark enough so that no one can actually read what's going on.
And not to wear glasses, since mine reflect

(Although, one day I was going through a thread which showed self harm scars in class (which I was unaware of), so that was really risky. Pictures are more likely to catch attention than text, which is why I got really anxious for a second)

Personally, I wouldn't recommend SS to anyone, I think?

 

[ScornedStoic]

No, and I don't intend to be.

 

[itsmeagain]

I've been on this site in class, too — no one really looks at my phone anyway, and I always make sure that the display is dark enough so that no one can actually read what's going on.
And not to wear glasses, since mine reflect

(Although, one day I was going through a thread which showed self harm scars in class (which I was unaware of), so that was really risky. Pictures are more likely to catch attention than text, which is why I got really anxious for a second)

Personally, I wouldn't recommend SS to anyone, I think?

Yeah I think the same thing. PIctures would be the giveaway, nobody really looks at URLs since privacy concerns and they dont wanna seem like a dick.

 

[ComingClose]

I tend to keep the site open but, to be honest, no one gives a damn about what I do and wouldn't look at my phone anyway. Before I ctb, I'll clear history, cookies, etc because I'm leaving all my post-ctb arrangements as a file on here. Would I recommend the site to anyone? No, definitely not; I don't want family/friends knowing what's on my mind.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Just got discharged from psych ward and I was reading it there :D

I check it whilst waiting for my psych appointments. Not really fussed who sees it. I doubt many people would be surprised I'm on here anyway.

 

[itsmeagain]

I check it whilst waiting for my psych appointments. Not really fussed who sees it. I doubt many people would be surprised I'm on here anyway.

I suppose that's a fair point <3

 

[pole]

i think my phone. i have it on my browser history on my phone, and the word "suicide" is in plain site on my phone lol.

ironically, yesterday was the riskiest day and so pressure-filled. i had a thread's URL copy and pasted and ready to paste, but i forgot to. at the same time, i was talking to a bunch of close friends in our groupchat and i THOUGHT i had a link about something copy pasted, but it WAS THE SS LINK, and i didn't think twice cause i didn't remember and i sent them the SS link.. and you cant permanently delete messages, other users see it, only deletes on you're end so im screwed lol. this very site and they know nothing about my depression or anything at all lol.

soo yeah, in conclusion, im an idiot.

 

[itsmeagain]

i think my phone. i have it on my browser history on my phone, and the word "suicide" is in plain site on my phone lol.

ironically, yesterday was the riskiest day and so pressure-filled. i had a thread's URL copy and pasted and ready to paste, but i forgot to. at the same time, i was talking to a bunch of close friends in our groupchat and i THOUGHT i had a link about something copy pasted, but it WAS THE SS LINK, and i didn't think twice cause i didn't remember and i sent them the SS link.. and you cant permanently delete messages, other users see it, only deletes on you're end so im screwed lol. this very site and they know nothing about my depression or anything at all lol.

soo yeah, in conclusion, im an idiot.

I'm not sure if you're an analytical person of some sort, but if they ask further about it, you can say that you heard of it threw a couple of news articles and wanted their opinon on what its like? Or you can say you're managing a project for your job/school/friend/application that involves the discussion of suicide in the manner of being pro choice or pro life, then link it to abortion or something and get them to forget about the topic lol.

 

[magic6326884]

I view this site and related stuff in Firefox Focus on my phone on a VPN. Any emails are through Proton Mail. This is what happens when you're a depressed and suicidal computer nerd

 

[TAW122]

I never access this site in public areas, only in the privacy of my bedroom (while I was living away and even when I am living under my parents' roof). Whenever I access it, I always make sure never to leave the window open when I'm afk or anything.

 

[pole]

I'm not sure if you're an analytical person of some sort, but if they ask further about it, you can say that you heard of it threw a couple of news articles and wanted their opinon on what its like? Or you can say you're managing a project for your job/school/friend/application that involves the discussion of suicide in the manner of being pro choice or pro life, then link it to abortion or something and get them to forget about the topic lol.

oh yeah, i already did. i immediately just said, check this out and tell me you're thoughts on the topic of suicide being a choice, etc; cause i remembered we had arguments surrounding if suicide was a choice so i quickly tied it into that and i'm pretty sure it worked, but still.

on the other hand, my username is my nickname, i've been here for a year and a half, and i'm also more than just a member now. so piecing it together, questions would then arise almost immediately, especially cause there critical thinkers themselves.

scariest thing is always the feeling and "what ifs" of people you know finding out about you're pains and suffering, and being on this site ontop of everything.

 

[itsmeagain]

oh yeah, i already did. i immediately just said, check this out and tell me you're thoughts on the topic of suicide being a choice, etc; cause i remembered we had arguments surrounding if suicide was a choice so i quickly tied it into that and i'm pretty sure it worked, but still.

on the other hand, my username is my nickname, i've been here for a year and a half, and i'm also more than just a member now. so piecing it together, questions would then arise almost immediately, especially cause there critical thinkers themselves.

scariest thing is always the feeling and "what ifs" of people you know finding out about you're pains and suffering, and being on this site ontop of everything.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Dang. That's freaking nuts. I can't imagine that 0.0 Oh geez :/// you COULD say that you made an account because there are certain threads you can't view if you aren't a member! Doubt they'd go thru EVERY thread, but then again, your browsing history would be available on your profile here.

 

[Flippy]

I stay on incognito mode all the time. I'm super careful nobody can see what I'm looking at. I always scroll the banner off screen but there have been a few close calls where I forgot to be discreet and my girlfriend almost saw what I had been looking at. Wish it was possible to turn off the banner sometimes then it would look from a casual glance that I'm just on some forum. I'm pretty sure people are getting suspicious why I'm looking at my android tablet a lot of the time then turn off the screen as they get close!

 

[SettOne1994]

No but i was locked in a psychiatric facility for up to 4 months which was 4 years for me.... All because of my ugly tendecy to share whatever problem i have with anyone and not get done with the act itself already...Also to avoid military service of 1 year which i thought was the true problem...Now when i feel like dying i dont have the right to own a gun .....imagine my mistake of not going to the army lol

 

[itsmeagain]

No but i was locked in a psychiatric facility for up to 4 months which was 4 years for me.... All because of my ugly tendecy to share whatever problem i have with anyone and not get done with the act itself already...Also to avoid military service of 1 year which i thought was the true problem...Now when i feel like dying i dont have the right to own a gun .....imagine my mistake of not going to the army lol

I completely understand <3 I had a similar problem. every day drags on it's awful. Not everyone can make it through something like that.

 

[bananabear]

You love her? Wow. that's amazing. Love truly is strange you know. But what is geo stones book? Worried to look it up if it's big before i enable VPN

Probably a different kind of love, but still, pleased that she can be trusted, y'know? Like I guess I was scared to let her in my apartment to clean but knowing she knows, and that it doesn't seem to make anything awkward.. It's a good feeling that I havent lost a friend because they found out. Not that I'd lose sleep over if someone distanced themselves from me because they knew, but still.

The book I'm referencing is a bit older, its called Suicide and Attempted Suicide. From 1999 but still pretty thorough on the subject, but unfortunately is rare and out of print, so I snagged a used copy when I saw it for cheap. Found about it on lostallhope a while back before I knew of this site. Probably back then was a huge or main resource for CTBing as it describes methods and statistics.

Looking it up has some excerpts published so google at your own risk for sure

 

[sadbunny]

Yes I was doxxed by another user from here

 

[faust]

Today I have replied to threads and posts in the bus and in front of demonstrators in college so I might assume that I do not really care

 

[itsmeagain]

Yes I was doxxed by another user from here

That's awful. How come? Was it by providing too much detail?

Today I have replied to threads and posts in the bus and in front of demonstrators in college so I might assume that I do not really care

That makes a lot of sense.

 

[sadbunny]

@itsmeagain We were CTB partners and exchanged information but he backed out and doxxed me which resulted a stay in the psych ward

 

[bananabear]

I stay on incognito mode all the time. I'm super careful nobody can see what I'm looking at. I always scroll the banner off screen but there have been a few close calls where I forgot to be discreet and my girlfriend almost saw what I had been looking at. Wish it was possible to turn off the banner sometimes then it would look from a casual glance that I'm just on some forum. I'm pretty sure people are getting suspicious why I'm looking at my android tablet a lot of the time then turn off the screen as they get close!

Shouldnt the banner read as autospeed instead of SS in incognito anyway? Unless you meant incognito on the browser, or a different banner..

@itsmeagain We were CTB partners and exchanged information but he backed out and doxxed me which resulted a stay in the psych ward

Jfc im so sorry that happened to you, I hope it hasnt affected you too negatively since then. Personal relationships around CTB can be tricky, its an emotional topic and often does result in people wanting to choose for you, but I hope you can still participate here without negative feelings

 

[itsmeagain]

@itsmeagain We were CTB partners and exchanged information but he backed out and doxxed me which resulted a stay in the psych ward

That's really horrbile that someone did that to you. Beingin a psych ward can be SO difficult. I hope that person knows better now

 

[Dromides]

I usually use it home with a vpn (a bit overkill I know). Sometimes I browse it on my phone when in bed but rarely in public with the same vpn.

 

[namemanthedeadman]

I couldn't care less, I tend to lurk around here when I'm at work all the time, I'm sure somebody has noticed me on this website, but nobody cares until you're already gone.

I did regrettably suggest this forum to an old friend of mine when they were talking about their issues and I was in no position to give comforting advice so I just told them to come here, stupidly not realizing that this is kind of a niche forum and that most people when they're discussing their thoughts of ctb outside of the forum, usually want anything but validation for their suicidal thoughts to fester.

 

[Flippy]

Shouldnt the banner read as autospeed instead of SS in incognito anyway? Unless you meant incognito on the browser, or a different banner..

Ah have I missed a feature like the one I mentioned? I'm just 'incognito' through the browser, if there's a way to get it to say "auto speed" then that would likely look like I'm on a car related website to my family. They would probably think I'm recovering and taking an interest in cars again, gives me some mixed emotions fooling them like that but it would certainly avoid arousing suspicion.

 

[Polly]

Seriously? I'm on my phone constantly anyway. I find it hard to believe anyone cares about what set of pixels I'm looking at

 

[Flippy]

Seriously? I'm on my phone constantly anyway. I find it hard to believe anyone cares about what set of pixels I'm looking at

The issue for me is that I had admitted I was researching ctb methods before stumbling across SS. Probably wasn't wise in retrospect, so I've been asked a lot what I'm looking at and there's been quite a few times more recently where my girlfriend has been trying to rubber neck when I've been on here.

 

[itsmeagain]

I usually use it home with a vpn (a bit overkill I know). Sometimes I browse it on my phone when in bed but rarely in public with the same vpn.

Thought they didn't allow VPN's here. must be a good one!