Hi, I’m new

[SpectorStar]

Hey everyone. I just built up the courage to finally write my first post. I've been reading many of your posts and quietly snooping and getting a feel for everything and I feel I can relate so much to each and every one of you in some way. I wasn't looking to get too close to anyone here considering I'm thinking of ctb at some point soon but I just want to say I hope we can all get along and that your stories have been in my thoughts. I hope everyone of you find peace in whatever way is best for you. Here's a poem I wrote to break the ice a bit as well. If anyone would like to start any conversation or ask any questions, feel free. Thanks for reading <3

 

[shadow_moses]

Beautiful poem. Describes my feelings well

 

[SpectorStar]

Beautiful poem. Describes my feelings well

Thank you for the kind words. I definitely felt like a few people would relate to it. That feeling of life feeling really stagnant. Like a broken record.
I'm really glad you like it.

 

[dialogos]

Hi! If only life stayed still at the good parts ey?

 

[SpectorStar]

Hi! If only life stayed still at the good parts ey?

I've been struggling for as long as I can remember. Don't recall too many good parts really… but the rare little moments I have; I guess I wish I could be there again but somehow it might make me more sad. Idk it's weird

 

[dialogos]

I've been struggling for as long as I can remember. Don't recall too many good parts really… but the rare little moments I have; I guess I wish I could be there again but somehow it might make me more sad. Idk it's weird

Its a small contrast to the majority, that's why its sad

 

[SpectorStar]

Its a small contrast to the majority, that's why its sad

Yes, exactly…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've been struggling for as long as I can remember. Don't recall too many good parts really… but the rare little moments I have; I guess I wish I could be there again but somehow it might make me more sad. Idk it's weird

It's a beautiful poem and I can relate to it as well.

I don't like remembering the good parts I had in my life bc they're out of reach. It makes me sad and depressed, thinking y everything is so fucked up for me now. Anyway it is how it is.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you will also find benefits here!

 

[Anon7b8]

Hi new, beautiful poem.

 

[SpectorStar]

It's a beautiful poem and I can relate to it as well.

I don't like remembering the good parts I had in my life bc they're out of reach. It makes me sad and depressed, thinking y everything is so fucked up for me now. Anyway it is how it is.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you will also find benefits here!

Thank you so much for the kind welcome. <3 And yeah I agree. I think that's why the thought of reliving those happy moments brings me sadness too. Along with the fact that those moments that made me happy before might not necessarily make me happy if I went back to them again. Like at the time I was happy with a person but they cheated on me so I don't think those moments would ever make me happy again. Some good moments go bitter..

Hi new, beautiful poem.

Lol thank you kind person

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope you find peace as well.

 

[SpectorStar]

I wish you the best, I hope you find peace as well.

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot <3
I wish everyone on here the best as well. You all have been really kind and welcoming. I wish none of us had to be struggling enough to need to be here but I'm glad a place like this exists for people who need it.

 

[DeadHead]

Welcome, I'm also "new" but actually old in the sense I had an account here several years ago.

 

[SpectorStar]

Welcome, I'm also "new" but actually old in the sense I had an account here several years ago.

Thanks for the welcome. And if it isn't too intrusive to ask, what brought you back? And what brought you to leave before? I'm just curious but of course if you're not feeling comfortable please don't answer.

 

[DeadHead]

Thanks for the welcome. And if it isn't too intrusive to ask, what brought you back? And what brought you to leave before? I'm just curious but of course if you're not feeling comfortable please don't answer.

Brain tumour. Much bigger and worse symptoms now of course. I sourced pentobarbital and sn when I was here before but neither are right for me (I made a post about it). Hell yeah, I'm fussy, I've suffered enough and want a humane way out that I have full confidence in. Back to try and source insert gas with the help of this kind community, but it seems impossible (uk).

 

[Agon321]

Hello, I hope you find peace.

 

[SpectorStar]

Hello, I hope you find peace.

Thank you I hope you do too <3

Brain tumour. Much bigger and worse symptoms now of course. I sourced pentobarbital and sn when I was here before but neither are right for me (I made a post about it). Hell yeah, I'm fussy, I've suffered enough and want a humane way out that I have full confidence in. Back to try and source insert gas with the help of this kind community, but it seems impossible (uk).

I'm so sorry to hear you suffered with that. I can't imagine how terrifying of an experience that was for you I hope you find the peace you deserve in any way that works for you. You'll be in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me.