Hey

[wanttodie.nz]

Just a thread to talk about shit so I don't feel as alone

 

[TrailerTrash]

Understand .... might help more if you joined chat ....

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I am but there is not many people talking

 

[TrailerTrash]

Meh, it comes and goes ......

 

[wanttodie.nz]

So what's going on?

 

[almaranthine]

Hey there. I'm drinking wine (out of a can) alone; what are you up to?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Sitting with my dad watching a movie. Yet I still feel alone

 

[almaranthine]

Sitting with my dad watching a movie. Yet I still feel alone

My mom is quite the movie-watcher. Over the past month, she's prepared her cups of popcorn and wine glasses full of seltzer water for the both of us, and has proceeded to torture me with the cheesiest of christmas movies. It's all about easy romance in these silly spectacles. Somehow, for these fictional characters, perfect love is just easily bestowed upon them and even easier to consummate. In my experience... any love worth it requires suffering. But anyways, I understand exactly how you feel. You are probably covering your phone with a blanket/pillow responding to this forum at this exact moment (I've been there).

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I have my laptop on my lap and he is watching the tv so he can't see my screen

 

[mediocre]

I have my laptop on my lap and he is watching the tv so he can't see my screen

what movie is it?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

24 hours to live. It's not bad

 

[almaranthine]

I'm glad there's at least a decent movie playing in the background. What would you rather be doing at this exact moment?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

sitting on the couch in my house with my wife and kids. I want that more than anything

 

[noctiva]

sitting on the couch in my house with my wife and kids. I want that more than anything

I hear you, that's an I want to... Be at home with my partner and his kids.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

on the movie in front of me the characters son just said "I miss you daddy". That hurts me

I hear you, that's an I want to... Be at home with my partner and his kids.

May I ask what happened?

 

[noctiva]

May I ask what happened?

I am not exactly sure, actually. I think I'm just now wanted anymore. I.. I am not sure if I did anything, I am not even sure what happened to be honest. I just know that for 10 weeks I am being ghosted. He said 'I need to be alone, I need to heal, I don't want a relationship, I do not not want you anymore'.

How about you?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Is that recent?

 

[noctiva]

10 weeks ago yesterday.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I am so sorry. That's so terrible. I know what it's like to feel not relevant or needed

 

[noctiva]

How about you? Is that why you're here, too?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Yes. She wanted to separate over a year ago. I felt like we had been making progress over the past few months though
But just recently it feels like i've gone backwards

 

[noctiva]

I'm so sorry, it is so heart breaking to be rejected and to have your feeling of belonging shattered. I do not know how to cope with it. I do not even know if I should hold on to some shred of hope, or if I should give up.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I feel the same way. I my heart says give up but my gut says keep going

 

[noctiva]

I don't know, my brain says this is it, end it already, but my heart wants to live and go home.. I am very torn. Do you have any kind of communication, any way forwards to work it out?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

yeah we communicate over the kids. I would go up there to look after them and spend time with them but that's been thrown into doubt. Are you able to contact him?

 

[noctiva]

I don't know what to do actually. If I should contact him or not. He asked to be alone, I don't know if that's some man code for 'I need time'... I'm afraid of I go and don't give him the time, he'll just be rejecting be because I intrude.
I'm very afraid to do the wrong thing.

I lived near Warkworth for a while, ate you anywhere near there?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Yes give him time and space. How long were you together?

 

[noctiva]

A bit more than 2 years, if we're still together 2.5 years. I don't know. I feel I don't know anything anymore. I saw him 2 weeks ago, he hugged and cuddled me the whole time, but he said he doesn't want a relationship, he wants to travel with the kids, he needs to be alone, he needs time, maybe he will come back, maybe not, it could be 1 month or 3 years..

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I feel you. My ex has been giving me mixed signals too. This past week we did some nice things like walking the dog together, getting milkshakes, shopping, playing games and then she turns around and says she struggled with me being there

 

[noctiva]

I'm so sorry you're in the same boat.. I am starting to question everything. Was I blind before? But I honestly don't see any decline in our relationship so I could say it was getting worse and breakup was likely.. There were no signs for me at least. How shit a person and partner do I have to be that a man with 4 kids rejects his 16 year younger girlfriend that is doing anything and everything to help, connect with the kids.. I'm just so lost. And Christmas is weighing heavily on me, I just want to go home and be with my loved ones.