Hey

[wanttodie.nz]

I'm sorry you're in the same boat too. I'm questioning my own worth and wondering will someone ever love me. Christmas is going to be hard this year.

Can you go home for christmas?

 

[noctiva]

I don't think so. I asked him, and he said he needs to do his own Christmas with the kids, he never had a chance to do that, because someone (ex wife or me) was always there. He said he doesn't want to h take anyone into account, and if someone was there, he'd take them into account. He took the Christmas presents though that I had for them already. I have no clue about nothing.
Will you go home and spend Christmas with your kids?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

That sounds like my ex. I desperately want my family back.

He says that he doesn't want a relationship. He says that now but that is not how he could feel later

 

[noctiva]

Me too, I just want to go home again, do the mundane stuff like be with him, hug him, smell his scent, do the laundry, drive the kids to sports, make dinner, play video games with him/ them, try to make blue cheesecake etc. But.. I don't even know if that's possible anymore. How would we reconnect after this? I don't know.

I know, he said that too, he doesn't want a relationship now, he needs to think and heal and be alone, but I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him, so he might want a relationship later, timeline he gave me was 1 month to 3 years.. I can't wait 3 years.. I honestly am too lost to think or decide anything.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Yes the mundane stuff like doing dishes and sitting on the couch watching TV.

She does want a relationship. I just don't see why it can't be with me. What's wrong with me?

I was thinking about ctb before Christmas but I don't think I can anymore. Do you still want to?

 

[noctiva]

No, I don't want to ctb at all, I want my life back.. My family, but I feel it's not possible.. How would we reconnect, how would this rift be mended, how would we ensure it doesn't happen again? I don't think he wants to do anything about that. If, and that's a huge if, he would want me back, I think he would still want the freedom to do that again. And then I'm back here in a bit. I don't know what to do.
And there is nothing wrong with you don't even go there. I've tried and tried to figure it out, why can I not be loved, what have I done, am I not trying hard enough, am I not sexy enough.. I don't know. I don't know if there is something wrong with me, but I think he has too much on his plate at the moment to function. I think, I hope. Or he doesn't love me anymore. But it is weird if he literally stops loving me from one day to another.