Hey Guys [First Post/Trigger Warning: S*xual Trauma]

[brokenbloke]

Never thought I'd be in this position where I'm seriously contemplating taking my own life but here we are. Anyways, I'm considering CTB for a multiplicity of reasons but mostly due to a self-inflicted (, albeit unintentional,) injury that I sustained about two years ago that resulted in permanent damage and disfigurement to my male "area." (It's called Peyronie's disease for anyone interested.) I've been dealing with serious feelings of self hatred, sexual loss and body dysmorphia since. On top of all this, there is no proven cure for this condition and the efficacy of most of the accepted "treatment" options are disputed. Recently unemployed and without any health insurance to contribute towards treatment, every day I'm here on this earth I experience my condition worsening regardless of whether I abstain from s*xual activity or not. This has caused me to hate s*x as any form of arousal causes me greater physical pain as time progresses. So yeah, I've put myself in this position due to not being careful enough with my g*nitals (which I now loathe). I regret now that I was ever born and view my life as merely a holding pattern before I die and descend into hell forever. (I was also raised in a protestant Christian context and although I've tried I personally cannot escape the fear of God and his judgement.) My current thought process on staying alive is "when the money runs out, I run out" meaning if I'm still unemployed some time from now and unable to sustain myself I will definitely CTB so as not to place any debt upon my living family members. That's pretty much it from me honestly; bottom line is I wish I was never born. It's true that some wounds never heal.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Dealing with disfigured gentitals, along with body dysmorphia and sexual dysfunction must be awful. Have you tried looking into any treatments for it? Like traction therapy or surgery?

Quick side note, if you are going to use a trigger warning please make sure to specify what that trigger warning is for (e.g., tw racism, tw abuse, tw SA, etc), or else it just ends up being useless.

 

[brokenbloke]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Dealing with disfigured gentitals, along with body dysmorphia and sexual dysfunction must be awful. Have you tried looking into any treatments for it? Like traction therapy or surgery?

Quick side note, if you are going to use a trigger warning please make sure to specify what that trigger warning is for (e.g., tw racism, tw abuse, tw SA, etc), or else it just ends up being useless.

I edited the thread's title per your suggestion, thanks.

 

[Vicolo cieco]

I also suffer from complete erectile dysfunction. Unfortunately, we are condemned to lifelong sexual and romantic loneliness with these types of issues. I don't want to keep living without enjoying one of life's few pleasures.

 

[no_tomorrow]

this is sad :(

if the pain ends up not resolving you should look into GnRH agonist therapy or something similar, so you don't have to experience erections. I don't think God or Jesus will judge you based on your ability to cope with this. It's completely understandable you'd feel the way you do.

 

[theboy]

Maybe another treatment will help you