Hesitant to die

[Menschenmühle]

I thought my decision to end my life was final, I was convinced that it will finally be all over, yet I find myself hesitant at times, afraid that I will miss out on something, or that I'd feel regretful in my last moments. Turns out that I'm not ready yet.

this hesitance means that I will have to keep living, that I will have to put off my death to a later time. But how am I supposed to live now? For the past months, I've let all aspects of my life crumble as I was sure that I will leave the world soon enough, and that I won't have to worry about any problems left behind. My survival would mean that I will have to deal with all these problems, that I will have to face the world yet again, and that scares me to no end. I have no desire to do anything, and yet I'm still attached to this miserable life as if there's something left to do in it.

 

[Somber]

Whatever you do, do something.
Don't wait for some external intervention that might never come.

Pick up the pieces where you left them and from there take it one step at a time. And if you need help, ask for it.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I was in the same spot month ago, and maybe I will be in the same spot in the future. For now I just make sure I have college under control and I eat properly.

I am bipolar, I mean I am not diagnosed but I can feel good and sometimes great, but when stress hits me I feel I want to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation, I can imagine it must be really exhausting. It can be miserable living a life filled with suffering. This life scares me as well. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[jimmy7754]

Take it slow.

 

[meetapple]

You are talking about your SI. Make sure you have exhausted all options before you decide to CTB.