Jinnberg
Member
- Apr 23, 2021
- 24
I'm debating whether or not to catch my bus tonight or wait till Summer and drive my mom's van across the US and then do it. There's a metal rod to hang clothes that I can use right now to do partial hanging. No one is home and they won't come back till tomorrow evening. I'm conflicted, but the reason as to why I feel conflicted is pretty pathetic.
I'm hesitant to die, not because of my family or my friends, but because I want to finish a comic I've been working on and off on since I was 14. The only issue with that is I've barely started it, all the character stuff and world building is complete so now I'm on the drawing part. I fear it'll take me 5 years to finish and to put it bluntly, I can't take this pain anymore.
Everyday I am miserable, I hate drawing but my art and stories are the only things that are interesting about me. I'm not funny, my personality is bland, and I'm not a good person. I enjoyed art at one point, but now it only brings suffering.
I enjoy thinking about the characters and the world I've created because it's an escape. The characters I've created suffer from the same things that I do and I've always found comfort in that. The thought of people relating to my character's struggles and my characters mere existence helping someone through a depressive episode has also made me reconsider catching my bus tonight.
My characters mean a lot to me, more so than my friends and family. It sounds stupid now that I think about it, but it's been more effective than a decade of therapy and medications.
Gah, I feel so irrational, my reason for staying here is so stupid and selfish, just to finish a stupid comic.
I tried doing partial right now but I feel as though I still have something to do, my mind is just constant contradictions at this point. Everything is just so confusing and nothing feels right.
Or maybe it's just SI messing with me, I'm unsure. I'm in so much pain but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. Anyway, it's my 1st thread here, it feels nice to be able to openly talk about something like this. Thanks for accepting me, I really appreciate it!
I'm hesitant to die, not because of my family or my friends, but because I want to finish a comic I've been working on and off on since I was 14. The only issue with that is I've barely started it, all the character stuff and world building is complete so now I'm on the drawing part. I fear it'll take me 5 years to finish and to put it bluntly, I can't take this pain anymore.
Everyday I am miserable, I hate drawing but my art and stories are the only things that are interesting about me. I'm not funny, my personality is bland, and I'm not a good person. I enjoyed art at one point, but now it only brings suffering.
I enjoy thinking about the characters and the world I've created because it's an escape. The characters I've created suffer from the same things that I do and I've always found comfort in that. The thought of people relating to my character's struggles and my characters mere existence helping someone through a depressive episode has also made me reconsider catching my bus tonight.
My characters mean a lot to me, more so than my friends and family. It sounds stupid now that I think about it, but it's been more effective than a decade of therapy and medications.
Gah, I feel so irrational, my reason for staying here is so stupid and selfish, just to finish a stupid comic.
I tried doing partial right now but I feel as though I still have something to do, my mind is just constant contradictions at this point. Everything is just so confusing and nothing feels right.
Or maybe it's just SI messing with me, I'm unsure. I'm in so much pain but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. Anyway, it's my 1st thread here, it feels nice to be able to openly talk about something like this. Thanks for accepting me, I really appreciate it!
Last edited:
