Heroin Feels Like Love

[greyhound]

I'm not advocating that everyone run out and get addicted to opiates, but they just might be the warm blanket/partner that some of us need.

If you're dead set on CTB anyway, why not make the last few months of your life more soothing?

That was my idea anyway. I had used opiates recreationally and occasionally for 20+ years, including Heroin and IV. This year was the first year I moved to daily use, coinciding with the time I've been a member of SS. So it is possible to use them without becoming an addict, if you have a life and hope for the future. Once those things are removed it's very easy to move to daily use and addiction.

I had extra money and I wanted to stay alive for this year to finish some stuff up. I think opiates got me through a tough year. They did complicate it somewhat. You have to be really sure you want to end it as recovering from an opiate addiction is not another challenge you want to add to a suicidal person's plate.

But for some maybe they are just what is needed to provide a bit of bliss and comfort at end of a difficult life. This is basically what they do to many old people dying in hospice, they become opiate addicts for the last few months of their existence.

A note of caution - if you're in the US the heroin and pill supply is completely contaminated with fentanyl and other synthetic opioids making use extremely dangerous. Plan on catching the bus early if you aren't extremely cautious in terms of testing any drugs you buy before using them.

Opinion | Opioids Feel Like Love. That’s Why They’re Deadly in Tough Times.

America can’t arrest its way out of a problem caused by the fundamental human need to connect.

www.nytimes.com

 

[Smart No More]

Can't read NYT without a subscription : /

I do agree though. Heroin is very moreish. Funny that eh. I describe as a feeling of extreme relief. Like a sigh of relief that allows yoy to zoom out from the clutter of your mind and see a bigger but somehow simpler picture. I personally think methadone has huge scope use in mental health and is an untapped resource on that front.

I've considered methadone for ctb. Unlike N it's quite a tasty liquid. Certainly not terrible. It's very sweet. Drinking a litre of it wouldn't be hard. It would almost certainly kill you though. However I am fearful of failure. It would be a much slower onset than N and if found you could potentially be given antidote to pull you round but still be left with life changing brain damage. I cannot risk that. Having been an addict in my teens I have been opiate free for many years. I do however take an opiod medication and am dependent on that after taking it for so long. Truth is, its the only thing that gets me through my days now. If it weren't for this I would have caught the bus a year ago. Unfortunately I'm under pressurw to come off it and my honesty surrounding my dependance on it due to my poor health is not going in my favour.

Whilst I sing it's praises on one hand, I too would add the caveat that it's not something anybody should get into when life is already overwhelming enough. I mean if you get a reliable prescription from a doctor that's fine but I would highly advise against sourcing it elicitly. I too have had periods where I've been able to use infrequently enough to avoid a habit but it's always waiting in the shadows and it only takes a few days of use to get you in a corner. You have a lovely honeymoon and then get stuck with a ball and chain that will never put out again unless you can separate for a very sunstantial period. It really is like love in both the good AND the bad times. Steer clear kids.

 

[Disco Biscuit]

This seems like very bad advice - to get addicted to heroin.

From what I understand, the first few times are incredible and then you're forever chasing that feeling again. You eventually reach the point where you need to use it daily - not to feel good but just to be able to function. You feel sick and your legs shake if you stop using it.

Meanwhile, depending on where you are on the socio-economic ladder and how progressive your country's drug laws are, you're likely putting yourself at the mercy of some extremely sketchy and unreliable characters each day just so you don't get dopesick.

This sounds like hell, not like a blissful escape.

 

[greyhound]

Yeah it's obviously only worth doing unless you're basically about to CTB. Many people on here seem to be not really that ready to CTB. Which is fine, everyone is at a different point in their personal journey. But it annoys me when people are wayy to worried about getting into trouble with the law for importing N. If you're about to import N and die, catching some minor charge should be the least of your concern.

I don't know maybe many people on here are just suicidally curious and not actually set on it. It'd be interesting to see the statistics of how many join the site and end up actually CTB. I get that maybe there is always a hope at the back of someone's mind that something in their situation will change and at the last minute they will be spared from having to go this route. I think I probably have this at the back of my mind as well. But I know it's not realistic.

At the end of the day there is all sorts of risk involved with getting into opiates. From law enforcement, to health issues, to financial. This is really only advisable for those who have more money than time left on the clock. That understand how to use dark net markets to procure drugs in large enough quantities that you aren't constantly running out, and how to get them tested to avoid unintentional overdoses. The only thing you get from them is a temporary feeling that everything is ok. Which for me is worth all of the aforementioned risks. Otherwise I'd have literally nothing.

 

[CFLoser]

Then you get addicted to Heroin and your purpose in life stops being going towards CTB but instead going towards getting the next high.

You're not going to do anything about the depression so in the end there is no point. What is a few more minutes of happiness for you really?

 

[greyhound]

Then you get addicted to Heroin and your purpose in life stops being going towards CTB but instead going towards getting the next high.

You're not going to do anything about the depression so in the end there is no point. What is a few more minutes of happiness for you really?

I guess I should have probably mentioned my particular circumstances.

I'm chronically ill and opiates give me a brief window of feeling normal and not in pain. This is even if I don't do enough to get 'high'.

Secondly, I'm freaking scared to CTB. I have been in close contact with another person with my illness who just CTBed 6 weeks ago. They were so calm about the whole thing I was so impressed. They planned it out long in advance, shifted the date when it turned out to conflict with a family event, and then just calmly did everything according to schedule. I was in close contact with them from 6 months out until their final minutes and it was so amazing to see how they handled the whole thing from start to finish.

I myself am quaking in my boots. I think I'll have to do it semi impulsively to avoid the dread of approaching date with extensive planning. Maybe week or two out that's it. And even now I am using opiates to cope with the dread and terror at my impending demise.

 

[Smart No More]

Yeah, I think you did offer a disclaimer saying you don't recommend it but in the same post you also did the opposite by praising them. I think I could be accused of doing the same in my follow up post. I had assumed a certain level of discerning inteligence should/could be assumed of the potential reader but in hindsight I see my error. So just to be clear, avoid a heroin addiction. Particularly street heroin. Opiates certainly have their place in medicine but please don't base your decision to use them on our confusing love letters to them.

 

[CFLoser]

I guess I should have probably mentioned my particular circumstances.

I'm chronically ill and opiates give me a brief window of feeling normal and not in pain. This is even if I don't do enough to get 'high'.

Secondly, I'm freaking scared to CTB. I have been in close contact with another person with my illness who just CTBed 6 weeks ago. They were so calm about the whole thing I was so impressed. They planned it out long in advance, shifted the date when it turned out to conflict with a family event, and then just calmly did everything according to schedule. I was in close contact with them from 6 months out until their final minutes and it was so amazing to see how they handled the whole thing from start to finish.

I myself am quaking in my boots. I think I'll have to do it semi impulsively to avoid the dread of approaching date with extensive planning. Maybe week or two out that's it. And even now I am using opiates to cope with the dread and terror at my impending demise.

Okay here is the thing, if you extensively plan the second something doesn't go according to plan you are just going to give up.

But the real thing is that heroin, and really all drugs, are just a dumb cope because you're afraid of pain (speaking about myself rn). It doesn't actually change anything.

I mean seriously, what is a few more hours of pleasure and a few more hours of suffering? At this point if you aren't faimilar with those to the point you can't work with them, then you have bigger issues.

 

[greyhound]

Okay here is the thing, if you extensively plan the second something doesn't go according to plan you are just going to give up.

But the real thing is that heroin, and really all drugs, are just a dumb cope because you're afraid of pain (speaking about myself rn). It doesn't actually change anything.

I mean seriously, what is a few more hours of pleasure and a few more hours of suffering? At this point if you aren't faimilar with those to the point you can't work with them, then you have bigger issues.

I guess the question is why not use them? My point in this thread is that the general reason not to use drugs is because they'll typically destroy your life and damage your health. Neither of which concern applies in our case. I mean this falls into the general bucket of why SS members don't do more of crazy risk taking activities. As suicidal individuals we have a level of freedom that is much greater than that of the general future life oriented citizen. If you can't be bothered to seek pleasure/novelty then maybe that is in fact the bigger problem (anhedonia, depression, etc). Of course health issues might get in the way of parachuting into Afghanistan to rob opium barons and flee on camelback.

 

[CFLoser]

I guess the question is why not use them? My point in this thread is that the general reason not to use drugs is because they'll typically destroy your life and damage your health. Neither of which concern applies in our case. I mean this falls into the general bucket of why SS members don't do more of crazy risk taking activities. As suicidal individuals we have a level of freedom that is much greater than that of the general future life oriented citizen. If you can't be bothered to seek pleasure/novelty then maybe that is in fact the bigger problem (anhedonia, depression, etc). Of course health issues might get in the way of parachuting into Afghanistan to rob opium barons and flee on camelback.

Because if Heroin is amazing, which IT IS, people will be addicted and no longer to do what they most need to do in their life.

So it just obscures what you actually need. The benefit is it makes you happy, but I know you can tell me that it doesn't last 24 hours and it probably doesn't even outweigh the time spent in suffering. So at the end of the day its not worth it. It's just a waste of time.

You can use heroin as your band-aid but you can also use alcohol, fast food, a bunch of shit that is cheaper and (lol) healthier for you too. In the end the level of happiness and suffering isn't going to change much because IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW STRONG A DRUG IS you will get used to it the more you use it.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Opiates are fucking awesome

 

[greyhound]

Because if Heroin is amazing, which IT IS, people will be addicted and no longer to do what they most need to do in their life.

So it just obscures what you actually need. The benefit is it makes you happy, but I know you can tell me that it doesn't last 24 hours and it probably doesn't even outweigh the time spent in suffering. So at the end of the day its not worth it. It's just a waste of time.

You can use heroin as your band-aid but you can also use alcohol, fast food, a bunch of shit that is cheaper and (lol) healthier for you too. In the end the level of happiness and suffering isn't going to change much because IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW STRONG A DRUG IS you will get used to it the more you use it.

I was trying to assess the net pleasure vs net pain of opiates the other day. They actually aren't bad for you really at all, and for me at this point they are really the only drug I can do. I can't drink at all - I get horrendous hangovers from even a couple drinks these days. I used to like weed but now it just makes me paranoid. Opiates I can do and really get no hangover at all from them. Mind you I'm either doing prescription dilaudid or real heroin that is almost pure. No fentanyl or other synthetic crap.

Initially this year I was using 2x a week. Everyone tells you that isn't sustainable long term and it wasn't. But for 6 months for me it was and that was amazing. No tolerance, no physical addiction. Just 2 half days of bliss every week. I took the summer off for 3 months as I felt the addiction was creeping in. Then I did a 3 month run starting in Sept. I was planning on CTB after seeing one of my best friends who was in town in Oct. So I didn't really have the incentive to keep it to 2x a week and I went daily. Then in Oct my sister told me she was coming for xmas. I haven't seen her in a few years - she lives on the other side of the world. So I was in a bind. I kept going but tolerance was going up.

I decided to try to kick CT a few weeks back to see how bad it was. It was a week of unpleasantness. A very bad emo flu I'd say. I don't really want to repeat that if I can help it, but this was after 2-3 months of blissed out days. I think it was probably worth it, even factoring the pain of withdrawals. Honestly I think all the misery associated with heroin comes mainly from the lifestyle. Having to support the costs of a skyrocketing habit and losing friends / family due to stigma. They really should just decriminalize it and give people safe supply and treatment options. As I mentioned I dabbled in opiates for 20 years and it was really only the complete loss of hope and impending suicide this year that pushed me to daily use. Even then I only went daily once the suicide was supposed to be within a matter of weeks.

My takeaways are, it is a very addictive drug and the cravings are so strong once you've gone daily and you stop. If there is any chance you might not CTB it's not worth getting addicted. But if you need to stay around a bit longer for whatever reason, it makes life so much more bearable. The time I was on opiates flew by and it's hard even thinking about suicide when you feel so amazing tbh. It does bring it's own set of challenges, having to worry about withdrawal, drug purity, law enforcement, getting caught by friends/family etc.

But it was actually always part of my suicide plan. I was in Scotland around 2000 when all my symptoms from my illness got way worse. I started doing heroin and was going to end it in this druggy haze but was saved by my parents. Fast forward 20 years, still sick, still suicidal, operation death is back in place. Just took a 20 year hiatus to determine that no, I couldn't actually hack life with this illness after all.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

How reliable is H as a ctb method? I know it probably depends on the purity of the sample and tolerance of the user. Can you OD by sniffing it? Because that would be a decent method as most people are scared of needles.