Help Help with the mental wall?

[gettingaway]

does anyone on here have advice for pushing yourself past the wishful thinking and just going through with ctb?
I let myself be convinced to keep going a few months ago, and I was honestly feeling alright for a while but now I'm back just as low. How have all of you realized it's not worth it to go for the bullshit fleeting moments of happeniess when everything else is so awful?

 

[CatLover]

Well, it's a journey you have to make (or not) for yourself, I think. I think if you still have hope then you're probably not ready. Personally I've found that getting older generally slowly kills the hope :/ It's kind of impossible not to have it still if/when you're young.

I don't think anybody here WANTS to ctb, it's kind of like the other options are worse. I think most people would rather something changed somehow so they could enjoy life or not be in pain instead. For me personally, it's not a great option. It makes me feel sad. But I'm never getting better and I don't have any kind of quality of life, so...

I'd say explore everything before you make up your mind to go (or not). Go travelling. Live and work in a couple of foreign countries. Study something that interests you. All kinds of things to do (and I've never had any money, it IS possible). I've found doing some kind of charity work makes me feel a bit better (personally I work in a rescue centre because I love cats, but seeing the results of human cruelty to them can be quite hard). I would say I don't include having children in that, unless you want to adopt as I don't believe in bringing more people into this miserable place, but that's just me.

I guess that's the only thing I'd say, especially if your health is currently good - mine isn't and that's the main reason I've had enough. I didn't get much time to enjoy being healthy - started getting symptoms at 30. You just never know when you'll lose your health. Obviously, if you are in the same boat that won't help. I know it's hard to appreciate something that you've always had and has always been there - I certainly didn't, so maybe that's not helpful anyway.

Difficult to really offer any advice without much info. So I guess that would be my thing, make sure you've exhausted every other option first.

 

[whitepriest]

I'm also stuck in that phase. My life is shit and yet I keep on living...

 

[RainAndSadness]

I know that feeling. But I realized every time I feel better always I end up worse than before. And I'm tired of that down spiral roller coaster. I know I can't get cured, I'm dragging these suicidal thoughts with me for years now. And realizing that there is a pattern helped me a lot to escape that struggle.