Help [help/vent] There's a remaining part of me that wants to live

[sad_dude]

Help. I'm so stupid for thinking there's still hope. The majority of me is saying that i should already kill myself but deep down... my survival instinct is still there and that maybe everything will work out in the end... i dont know anymore. I shouldn't feel this way. Im so stubborn. i feel like im stuck in this tug-o-war.

How can i remove this idea out of my head? How to create a good mindset to be able to kill myself smoothly?

 

[nya]

hey, so while i am, as likely like everyone here, of the opinion that it is your autonomy, an integral part of life and a decision that is nobody but yours and should be respected regardless of what you choose, it is still quite the final, irreversible and important decision, perhaps the most impactful one of them all, and if you are not 100% sure about it, then i personally feel like helping you "remove this idea out of your head", ie convincing you to do it, is not only legally and ethically questionable, but also goes against the values this community holds and plays right into the allegations of this forum being pro-suicide instead of pro-choice.

long story short, i think this is a conflict you need to sort out yourself, as it's a deeply personal one, and as long as there is still a part of you that wants to live, then perhaps you should stall this a little and figure out things with this part of you and only proceed once you are absolutely sure, as, as i outlined earlier, it is not a decision to be made lightly, though i am pretty sure you are well aware of that.

i'm really sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but that's my two cents for what it's worth

 

[ChainedCrow]

How to remove hope ? well if u are still deep down thinking there is one there is no way to remove that. That conflict wont stop until u are sure there is no hope left or u actually found that hope. Like nya said suicide is a major decision and should be done with 100% certainty. Give yourself time to sort those feelings out, the feeling of hope will slowly die down if there really isint one.
Much love

 

[brokenspirited]

Help. I'm so stupid for thinking there's still hope. The majority of me is saying that i should already kill myself but deep down... my survival instinct is still there and that maybe everything will work out in the end... i dont know anymore. i feel like im stuck in this tug-o-war.

How can i remove this idea out of my head? How to create a good mindset to be able to kill myself smoothly?

If you seek encouragement you won't find it here. Providing encouragement for CTB is explicitly banned.

"Do not encourage, suggest, manipulate, coerce, or help users carry out acts of any nature whatsoever, including suicide; only provide factual information and emotional support to those who ask for it. Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions."

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Sorry if my suggestion is unhelpful or dismissive. I don't mean to ignore the suffering you are going through.

I think it might be a good idea to take a try to let the remaining part of you do what it wants. If it wants to recover, you can find resources in the Recovery section in this site. Indeed the try can cause further pain or bring you to a darker place, but it's needed that you reach the point where you feel you tried everything in order to manage your lingering feelings and SI, I believe.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think it's almost impossible to eliminate hope completely unless the stage is reached where there is absolutely no hope left. Whether it's real or not "hope" is also a part SI imo even if there is no hope left from our subjective pov.

It's relatable here - the tiniest bit of hope was one thing that stopped me from even attempting when I was very suicidal.

 

[usernamesarehard]

How can i remove this idea out of my head?

Unfortunately, no one here can give you an answer for this. Ignoring the fact that it's against the rules, we're a pro-choice site, not pro-suicide. If you get to a place where you're ready to ctb, we'll be here to wish you good luck and offer comfort, but we can't and won't tell you how to get to that point.
A lot of users on this site, including me, think that you're ready when you're ready and if you still have SI, unfortunately it's just not your time yet.

How to create a good mindset to be able to kill myself smoothly?

I hope I'm not breaking the rules for this one, but I have what I guess you could call an imaginary friend. No I don't actually see anything or talk to it. When I think about ctb and how scary it is to commit and the fact that I'm alone, I imagine there's a man with me, I don't have a description of him. He places a hand on my shoulder and tells me everything's going to be ok. And I feel less alone.

Unfortunately, I don't think that'll get you in the mindset of actually being able to ctb, it only helps once you're ready and just don't want to feel alone in your final moments.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I don't think your stupid to somehow think there is still hope. Maybe there is hope outside of what we know and see this side of our limited existence - I don't know, but I like to always have hope in something better...it may not be possible in the world for some of us, but it maybe in the next. Who knows? But I'm saying why confine hope to this physical world alone when it is not even a material construct?