Venting Help me

[deletedaccount30982]

I need out of here so fucking bad. I am constantly going through my plan in my mind. The peace I would feel dousing myself in gasoline. The terror that will hit as soon as I go up in the flames. The absolute agony and gut wrenching panic I will experience in my last moments. Knowing that once it's done there is no going back. The fear of surviving and having to live as a burn patient the rest of my life in chronic pain. The thought of my family having to identify my charred body.

The pain a person has to be in to even consider doing this to themselves… Life is horrific. It's only poetic that my death will be horrific as well.

I think I may start feigning getting better. I'm not sure I have it in me anymore, but I think I may try. It's like all the hiding I did the last several years became an impossible task once I let my walls fall down coming into the hospital. I need to learn how to lie again.

 

[Mukuro Ikusaba]

I need out of here so fucking bad. I am constantly going through my plan in my mind. The peace I would feel dousing myself in gasoline. The terror that will hit as soon as I go up in the flames. The absolute agony and gut wrenching panic I will experience in my last moments. Knowing that once it's done there is no going back. The fear of surviving and having to live as a burn patient the rest of my life in chronic pain. The thought of my family having to identify my charred body.

The pain a person has to be in to even consider doing this to themselves… Life is horrific. It's only poetic that my death will be horrific as well.

I think I may start feigning getting better. I'm not sure I have it in me anymore, but I think I may try. It's like all the hiding I did the last several years became an impossible task once I let my walls fall down coming into the hospital. I need to learn how to lie again.

...just hang, shoot, stab or SN...no need to light yourself on fire..

 

[Anonymousa]

...just hang, shoot, stab or SN...no need to light yourself on fire..

i am sure they know about these methods as they have been here for a long time and made the "non methods" thread so I think they probably just don't have easy access to less painful methods.

 

[Mukuro Ikusaba]

i am sure they know about these methods as they have been here for a long time and made the "non methods" thread so I think they probably just don't have easy access to less painful methods.

Oh...that's sad...I feel bad for them.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

i am sure they know about these methods as they have been here for a long time and made the "non methods" thread so I think they probably just don't have easy access to less painful methods.

Oh...that's sad...I feel bad for them.

It's not a lack of access and far from a lack of knowledge. I've already failed hanging and SN, amongst other more peaceful methods. I've been suicidal for over a decade. After so many failed attempts and an ever growing sense of self loathing, I came to the decision to do this out of both desperation to die and a belief that I deserve to go out in the most painful way possible. I would never want anyone else to ever try this method. It's the most painful way someone could go. But it only feels right that I go that way.

 

[bananaolympus]

You can jump from a tall place, it will be way faster than self immolation

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

You don't deserve to die in the most painful way. Your brain is lying to you.
Wishing you peace.

 

[bigbang33]

My heart breaks reading your posts in this thread. I am so sorry it's been so hard. I am sending you so much love.

I don't know why you think that you deserve to die like that. Nothing that I, a stranger, can say on here will change your mind. But I'll say it anyway: you absolutely do not deserve to die in such a horrific way.
May you show yourself the mercy you deserve.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

A few minutes of pure agony to spare me decades of suffering.

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

Gasoline burns even before you light it, so it isn't exactly peaceful. Smells horrible and is very cold too. I couldn't light it because it hurts. I didn't really think it would be that bad but it was. Or maybe I had an allergic reaction idk. And I really thought it was going to be foolproof, too bad I didn't account for me being a wuss However you probably have more will than I do so you'd probably make it with how bad things seem for you. Best wishes

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I just want to die. This life is not fair. I can't get out. And when I finally am able to it's gonna hurt so fucking bad.

 

[human909]

Jumping, shooting or hanging might be the best option, just don't light yourself on fire since that will cause a tremendous amount of pain.