Help HELP, I need the pain to stop, but cannot ctb yet

[Wolf Girl]

I'm so lonely, so so lonely. I'm really starting to panic, starting to hyperventilate. I don't have anything ready for ctb but feel abject panic like I cannot keep bearing this pain while fully conscious. I know I should not ctb impulsively because the methods I would use would hurt others (train or truck) or are very painful (self-immolation). Don't worry, I'm not going to do that impulsive stuff but I am afraid I will end up hospitalized if I dont calm down.

The only drug I have access to is weed and it didn't help. I'm at home with my dog and my mom. I don't think I can resist the urge to ask my mom to take me to the ER to get lorazepam if it keeps being this bad.

Guys, can you please talk to me or try to distract me or suggest coping skills?

 

[Slimprofessional010]

Hello, I'm sorry that you are feeling that way and feel stuck. One of friends felt that way a couple of days ago. Is there anything you would like to specifically talk about? My name is Jacob and I like to watch YouTube. Do you have anything specific you like to watch?

 

[Wolf Girl]

Hello, I'm sorry that you are feeling that way and feel stuck. One of friends felt that way a couple of days ago. Is there anything you would like to specifically talk about? My name is Jacob and I like to watch YouTube. Do you have anything specific you like to watch?

Hi, I've been watching Squid Game over and over (I like repetition). The other one I'm repeating is the Eras tour. On YouTube I like to watch competitive eaters like Katina and travel vloggers like Carpetbagger.

 

[Slimprofessional010]

Squid games is pretty good, I liked it. I like repeating the same songs over and over again. I really like Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. They are pretty cool. I understand how you are feeling, I've been in a few mental hospitals. What you are feeling is okay. Want to tell me more? I'm here to listen about whatever you want to talk about.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Squid games is pretty good, I liked it. I like repeating the same songs over and over again. I really like Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. They are pretty cool. I understand how you are feeling, I've been in a few mental hospitals. What you are feeling is okay. Want to tell me more? I'm here to listen about whatever you want to talk about.

I'm stressed about unemployment/financial issues and I'm extremely lonely and feel disconnected from people. The loneliness is hitting hard and I feel so worthless because nobody wants to be in my life. There are so many painful examples even just this past year. I must be so fucking awful to be around.

 

[Slimprofessional010]

I understand the part about financial trouble and being unemployment. It is so hard to deal with. I live by myself in my room and I don't really clean it and I'm just rotting in here. It sucks big time. I need people who can understand my feelings of ctb and will just be there for me. I don't know you but I don't think you are a awful person to be around. Want to be friends? Only if you want to though. We can chat on this post if you want.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I understand the part about financial trouble and being unemployment. It is so hard to deal with. I live by myself in my room and I don't really clean it and I'm just rotting in here. It sucks big time. I need people who can understand my feelings of ctb and will just be there for me. I don't know you but I don't think you are a awful person to be around. Want to be friends? Only if you want to though. We can chat on this post if you want.

I'm not really good with keeping up conversations but you can DM me if you want

 

[Slimprofessional010]

I don't have DM privileges yet, I'm new, I've been on here for a while but just made an account. Do you want some coping skills? What doesn't work for you?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Back when I was actually making attempts to ctb sometimes I would be in so much pain. I'd cry deep sobs for a while, and fall asleep. That has happened when I was in physical pain before also. Your post statement "while conscious " reminded me. I guess it's a defense mechanism I'm lucky enough to have, or maybe we all do I've just seen it. Idk.

 

[-Link-]

A few things you could try in averting panic.

Consciously slow your breathing and try to do so at a rate where you're spending a little more time exhaling than inhaling. This, to give carbon dioxide a chance to build back up in your system. (Personally, I prefer to do this while lying in bed because once the hyperventilating has set in, I generally just can't get a handle on my breathing if I'm upright at all.)

Repeating short coping statements to yourself:

- "I'm having a panic attack. It's intense, but it'll pass."
- "I've survived a panic attack before. I'll survive this one too."
- "Breathe first. Think Later."

You could try rocking back and forth as you're sitting. Or any movement you can repeat in place, slowly, with rhythm. This kind of action, meant towards trying to physically calm your nervous system.

'Cold shock' or 'ice shock' can help towards interrupting racing thoughts and triggering your vagus nerve (which in turn helps calm your nervous system). Splash water on your face. Hold an ice pack in your hands. Place something cold on the back of your neck. Some people may suggest a cold shower... I can't say I've ever tried that, at least not for panic symptoms.

Pet your dog. If your dog is the type that would allow it, try cuddling up to them as pets can have a natural calming effect (assuming you're a 'dog person', of course).

Looking longer term, if you have access to an accommodating doctor and are confident you can control your usage, an as-needed prescription for Ativan would probably be appropriate for someone in your situation.

I must be so fucking awful to be around.

Going beyond the immediacy of a panic attack, I would try reframing this along the lines of... Well, anything that discerns between, "I must be so fucking awful to be around," and "Other people sometimes have a hard time navigating my outward symptoms." That's probably not the most ideal way for me to put it, but the idea is to keep perspective as far as discerning between your illness and 'who you are'. ("You are not your mental health condition.")

Also on that note, the population as a whole would ideally demonstrate more tolerance of mental illness and more willingness to understand it. When you're feeling "so awful to be around," try reminding yourself that if there was less stigma and more awareness on a population level, then you probably wouldn't be feeling so isolated right now. This, again towards distancing yourself from the "awful" label.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I am no help I'm sorry,, but I can relate, that was me when I lived with my mom still,, fighting knifes outta my hands and being called a bitch not that it helps but being told to just smoke more weed some days by my parents so they wouldn't have to deal with me,,

I can share a random video but then again there never calming or positive so I guess I don't--


I'm sorry you gotta go through the motions,, I'm not you but I know it doesn't feel "fun"

 

[suyasuya]

One of my favorites is ice diving!

Put your face in a tub of ice water or wrap an icepack with a damp paper towel and place it across your nose and upper lip. (Frozen washcloth + a little tap water works too) I like to add in some paced breathing, focusing on extending my outbreaths as time goes on.

This triggers the mammalian dive reflex and helps kick your body out of the heart racing i-want-to-tear-my-chest-open high emotional arousal hell to a more manageable place.

Here's a video demonstrating it. Notice how their heart rate dropped 50bpm in less than a minute. (If you use alternatives like the ice pack method it'll take a little longer)



Also when you start getting to the point where you're hyperventilating, chest pain, feeling out of control, don't try to reason with yourself. Your body is dumping stress hormones into your bloodstream and uh, you know that good, slow decision-making your prefrontal cortex does? That's being done via nerve cells using neurotransmitters. Compared to the the sirens flashing, full-body emergency broadcast that your endocrine system is doing right now, all of that thinking is like someone brushing the air behind your neck and saying "I'm not touching you!"

When I get to that point, I usually go for distraction, TIPP (ice diving is part of this), or urge surfing. Distraction is a classic because a handy thing about those intesnse stress responses is that they're not sustainable. You can check the others out in the links provided! My meds are kicking in so I'm going to stop typing for now. Lemme know if you have any questions! Gnight~ ^^