NSFW help ? advice ?

[winamp]

I am hesisitant about posting this because I do not want to be judged but does not watching porn actually improve your life and relationships with people? and how do you know when it's a problem?

I am unsure if I have a problem with it or not i.e. a PA
I have wondered if I did for many years (probably because of the shame and guilt) and have tried to stop but I usually end up justifying or telling myself that I don't have a problem and that my consumption is normal or I end up watching it again anyway or I blame all of it on my sexual repression or loneliness

and then it's even harder for me to know because women don't talk about things like this and it's assumed only men have this problem
and when I do research about women with this problem they are always looking at it from a religious approach which would not be good for me since I already feel shame and guilt for any thought or feeling that is sexual anyway because of my religious upbringing

it's not like I watch it everyday multiple times a day or anything although I did at one point in time but I stopped because that's the only time I could tell it was a problem
but now even though I am not like that I find it hard to look at men and women normally (mostly men)
I can't tell if it's because of my porn consumption or if its because my attraction to people transcends aesthetics and appearance + my loneliness and avoidance of romantic relationships/experiences/romance in general and being socially inept

I even took an online quiz (although that's probably not a good way to know but I was desperate to know) and it said that my consumption was normal !
and then I saw this and it made me wonder again if it was a problem again because I related to it which also prompted me to take a quiz

 

[Aesthetic guy]

hi. ( professional porn consumer here )
first of all, there's nothing wrong about having sexual questions.
but in my experience watching too much porn makes someone think that they filled their needs.
while they never go outside and feed their needs with real partner, they end up a 30yo with 0 sexual experience.
which at this point its very hard (and scary) to start practice having partner and sexual relationship.
and on the other hands people are not interested in a partner with no sexual experience .

sry for my horrible english ^-^

 

[winamp]

people are not interested in a partner with no sexual experience

I forgot about that but I think if I do not CTB I would be totally fine with becoming a nun because
1. I like helping people and staying busy

2. sexual and romantic intimacy scares me mostly because I'm afraid that sex will be expected + personal reasons and I am not sure if I have any interest in it at all although I am not asexual

but also is it really that important or does it depend on the person because I have met people before and had friends that have pressured me to "lose it" or to get into a relationship and I never give in because all of them look miserable or have been disappointed in some way by their partners disregarding intimacy

but in my experience watching too much porn makes someone think that they filled their needs

true, I've met people like that before its pretty sad especially when they get into relationships and you have to see their partner become insecure or suffer because of that

 

[Rocinante]

Only a problem if it interferes with your life

 

[nerve]

youll find a lot of people here with porn-related issues or concerns, so i wouldn't worry much about judgement. i know what you mean about the gender gap thing too lol. i feel guilty masturbating to real-life people since it's not like i have their permission and everything i found online was all about shame regarding the act itself and i was like 'goddammit :('

when i think of a porn addiction, i think of someone neglecting their social life or real-world responsibilities in favor of watching pornography. or someone spending beyond their means on porn-y stuff. or maybe someone who isn't attracted to 'real' people anymore because they don't live up to the very specific standards set by a lot of porn, especially more mainstream stuff.

i started watching less once i noticed my imagination kind of fading away and it became hard to get anywhere while masturbating without that visual component. there are lots of other options for sexual stimulation that don't involve porn, so if it really bothers you that much, maybe look into audio stuff or written smut. but idk, thats just how it turned out for me!

 

[R.E.N.]

It's hard to see if it's having an impact without enough perspective. The only effective way I know that dulls this addiction is SSRI medication, but that can have other effects too.

 

[LifeisDark]

If it's not directly causing harm to your life and/or preventing you from taking part in other aspects of your life (i.e., going out with friends, working, taking care of yourself, etc), then there is nothing wrong with watching porn. It's a perfectly normal thing for anyone of any gender or sexuality to partake in.

sexual and romantic intimacy scares me mostly because I'm afraid that sex will be expected + personal reasons and I am not sure if I have any interest in it at all although I am not asexual

Even if you're not asexual (though does sound like you could fall someone on the spectrum of asexuality as there are different types under the umbrella.), if you find it easier to get that satisfaction from porn and not with a partner in your life, that's completely alright as well. Everyone has different needs and desires, and as long as it doesn't harm you or someone else, there is no need to feel guilty about it.

And I fully get the religious background; both I and my partner had religious backgrounds as well, and it's definitely tough as fuck to get over those feelings. But watching porn does not make you a bad person, nor should you feel guilt or shame. As I said, it's a completely normal thing to partake in. Hope things work out for you.

 

[Disappointered]

Porn accelerates an imbalance that definitely causes harm in the long run. Maybe it's not much harm for most people so it's of no significant consequence. But in the end, having your energy governed by spectator sex is not exactly going to lead to any fulfillment. If you also find yourself unable to decouple that zone from real life it will make real life even worse unless you're a hot and conceited person to begin with. But if you are, then why wouldn't you just be living out a voracious appetite in real life? (and in privacy please, as the rejects don't want to have it rubbed in their faces)

Porn can become a substitute for something that is missing. I guess if you know you'll never find it regardless, then why worry. It's just hard to be a porn consumer (50 shades of addiction...) and also pursue a healthy real life trajectory. I guess most people who end up on this website already know that that trajectory has been interrupted and maybe even made impossible, in which case i guess i would run with the porn addiction along with other addictions like meth, and hope to just die in the process.

I personally try to avoid it but there will always be moments where I turn to it, just to escape from the dreariness of my bland existence.

And in the meantime...what else is left? Broken lives just limping along the winding, thorny road. There's no solution. At least one day it ends.