Venting Hellis Venting Thread

[Hellis]

Just a place for me to be depressed, don't count on a response from me, just my place to shout into the void.


My boss sent out and email accusing me of stealing, and last week he brought me in on a complaint that my behavior was not positive enough and therefore too "anti-company" because I told my friend he was working too hard as a joke. I have a concert coming up in a week and it's the only thing keeping me going but it feels like like has been in a constant state of anxiety attacks and waiting for more anxiety attacks.

 

[Hellis]

Anxiety attacks are getting worse. I'm tired but they leave me awake.

 

[Hellis]

My neighbor asked me if I have running water. I don't know how he knew I didn't, I wonder how much he knows. I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a wreck. They act concerned, but what would they even do? I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Is it too much to just live? Why must I meet the expectations of others, I'm fighting so hard.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Get an Astolfo plushie, theyre great for anxiety

 

[Hellis]

Get an Astolfo plushie, theyre great for anxiety

I tried but all I could find is a used astolfo body pillow, are those also good for anxiety? There are crusty bits from prior use.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

This one even is a bootleg lol. Bodypillow good, i dont personally find them comfortable

Astolfo Mega Jumbo Nesoberi Plush toy Pillow JAPAN | eBay

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[Hellis]

I feel guilty over the actions of others. I know her forcing herself on me was not my fault, but my chest feels heavy like it is. All the evidence is there, nobody would even be able to deny it, yet I feel like I should suffer for what happened.

 

[Hellis]

I asked a girl if I was ugly today. I made a joke about being ugly and everybody went silent, so I asked upfront. She told me looks are subjective.

My friend told me she was making fun of looks after I left. Really hurts.

 

[Hellis]

They all hate me. I'll lose my job. They hate me and are bullying me out. Everyone knows. I'm subhuman. I don't know the real me.

 

[Hellis]

Depression and anxiety are a physical pain as much as they are an emotional pain. In fact, the physical part feels worse. Do every right and that sinking feeling remains. My heartbeat is shaking my forehead.