Help Held Hostage.

[Evacplan33]

Hello, I'm back. The roller coaster did what it's bound to do.
So, here's my story. I've been in a relationship with a man for going on 3 years. It has not been perfect. He's made mistakes, and so have I. Neither of us knew that the other has attempted suicide in the past. It's not something that we discussed on our first date or anything. However, it became clear within the first few disagreements with being told "Im about to go CTB, and it's your fault. You did this". If at any point during the last two years I've attempted to end this relationship, that's the threat that I receive. I've tried to help, I've tried to console. Obviously, I'd love for him to not say those things out of anger or to hurt me. If that were truly how he felt without the anger I believe that I could accept the fact that he's no longer suffering. But that's never how it's used. He moved in with me in November (his name is not on lease), during a time that he was supposedly homeless and in a hotel about to use SN. I believe that it was a way to ask to move in, so I offered. So here we are...for the 52nd time I'm being called every name in the book while he's drunk and I'm told yet again that he's going to CTB. He leaves and comes back. When he returns he says to me... "I'm going to use you for as long as I can because I have no where else to go. I'm here because I have no where else to go. And when you do finally grow the balls to tell me to get out, I'm going to CTB."
Lovely thing to say. Right? So I've decided... I'm going to beat him to it. At that point I'm gone and I won't feel the pain of losing him if he ever actually does do what he hasn't shut up about for two years. At that point he has to get out, and he can no longer threaten me or toy with my emotions or love for him. Who wants to help? I need methods. I'd prefer a peaceful go to sleep type method. But I don't care at this point. Thank you for your time.

 

[Darksektori]

If your partner is going to use the threat of CTB to keep you around, that's cruel and selfish on his part. Question I have is, do you think he would seriously do that, or do you think is he bluffing? If every time you try leaving makes him do that he's going to keep using that to try and force you stay be he knows its going to work. That's my observation anyway, I can't tell you what you should, that's honestly a decision one has to make themselves, it's never easy, I gave up on relationships long ago so I'm no expert in that field.

 

[Evacplan33]

I've personally never seen him attempt. I've seen his preparations (SN) and he most definitely has everything that he needs. I just keep thinking to myself, it sure is a lot of trouble to find and purchase those things with no intent of doing so.

 

[rikamonie]

thats really awful ): im so sorry you had to deal with it, but why end your life over him? its his decision in the end what he does with himself when you end the relationship you shouldnt feel guilty because of someone else mental illness i understand its hard but you can have happy life without him he shouldnt determine your life with his manipulative attitude i wish u the best

 

[Darksektori]

You could be right, idk, its tragic when it comes to something like this. I guess it depends on you and what you think.

 

[GoBack]

This happened to a relative of mine. Husband threatened her with Suicide to stop her leaving him, even to stop her going out with friends and god knows what else. She left eventually, she had to. He's still alive, and she's got her life back. That's my 2c

 

[Evacplan33]

It's borderline mental and emotional abuse. To stand in front of me when I ask him to leave and punch himself in the face, slap himself. Get two inches from my face and tell me that it's my fault. I've wanted to prior to knowing him. And I still think about doing so everyday. I know that losing him will hurt me to the point that I will feel nothing but guilt and blame for the rest of my life.

 

[Darksektori]

Yeah but this circumstance seems a bit different, especially if he's already made preparations

 

[Anonymoussn]

Firstly, Its obvious that you're being manipulated in your relationship. I would even say that your partner is being emotionally abusive in doing this.

Ultimately, this relationship sounds like a doomed one anyway, and you're going to have to tackle that at some point, so I would say to do that as soon as possible so that you are no longer subjected to such abuse.

He has stated 'I am going to use you for as long as I can...', so by continuing to give into his threats, and to stay with him, you're allowing him to use you, and are allowing him to have this hold over you.

I think that you should consider as to whether all of your problems could be solved by ending this relationship. Because if this is the thing that is eating you up so much, then you may not need to CTB just to get out of this situation. I dont know what other circumstances you are going through. So I cant tell you not to CTB. But dont let this controlling asshole be the only thing to drive you towards it. Because you arent obliged to be his prisoner, and you can tell him to grow a pair and face up to life without you

 

[rikamonie]

It's borderline mental and emotional abuse. To stand in front of me when I ask him to leave and punch himself in the face, slap himself. Get two inches from my face and tell me that it's my fault. I've wanted to prior to knowing him. And I still think about doing so everyday. I know that losing him will hurt me to the point that I will feel nothing but guilt and blame for the rest of my life.

is there no way you can leave without him knowing? just get out of there.. then you would have no way of knowing his situation maybe it could be easier on you its really a horrible situation

 

[Evacplan33]

He lives with me and his name isn't on the lease. He went through a nasty divorce and he's basically lost everything. He has a really good job and he pays a lot in child support etc. he does help me with bills a good bit. And I'd say that most of the time things are great. It's just that the little tiny things that set him off... they always end in such an extreme way. He's jumped out of my car at 55mph because we visited my family and they said my ex's name in a conversation. Doesn't take much to trigger him. Last night he said those things to me about using me. This morning he's sober and wants to talk. Asks me if I feel like there's too much damage done. It's hard walking around knowing that someone is saying they're going to do such a thing if you're unhappy and try to end a relationship. I do need to grow a set. And I do know that it's not my fault. He had these thoughts long before I came along. I've tried everything at this point. He refuses mental health assistance or medication. His nephew hung him self two weekends ago and you could see it all over his face that he was triggered. I understand these things and I've tried hard to be a support system. I do, however, feel like a prisoner. Thank you all so much for talking to me and helping me. I've wanted to CTB in the past. I have been able to overcome a lot of those things that made me feel like that. I do think of it quite often, but I probably wouldn't as much if I didn't have someone telling me that I'm a failure.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

He's an alcoholic, no?

 

[Evacplan33]

Drinks 5 days out of 7.

 

[Red]

You are not responsible for how somebody else feels and how they choose to react! Hate it when people pull shit like this, I have family members that do the same...
Please GTF out of there or insist that he get some sort of treatment, that's no way to live

 

[Evacplan33]

I'm not sure what my legal course of action needs to be in order to legally remove him from my home with him having most of his property here and has been here since November. As of now we aren't speaking and we're basically moving around each other with minimal contact. I've always wanted to be his reason to stay. But I was never quite good enough. He's actually pulled his pistol from his pocket and put it to his temple and stated that if I shut the bathroom door he would do it. As ridiculous as it sounds, it's true. I never dreamed that someone that is so good at times can be so controlling and manipulative.

 

[Anonymoussn]

I'm not sure what my legal course of action needs to be in order to legally remove him from my home with him having most of his property here and has been here since November. As of now we aren't speaking and we're basically moving around each other with minimal contact. I've always wanted to be his reason to stay. But I was never quite good enough. He's actually pulled his pistol from his pocket and put it to his temple and stated that if I shut the bathroom door he would do it. As ridiculous as it sounds, it's true. I never dreamed that someone that is so good at times can be so controlling and manipulative.

Please dont think this is about you not being good enough. He is the one making abusive statements, like that he will hurt himself if you don't stay. You've been incredibly caring in that you have thought about his needs above your own, despite how he has treated you. It is not the case that you aren't good enough at all. He is the one with the issues!

 

[Evacplan33]

Had the conversation with him this evening about him leaving. He says "don't worry I'll be out of your hair soon". Just another comment to keep me up all night. You've all been so supportive. This is emotionally and mentally draining for me. It's not healthy for me at all. It wouldn't be for anyone. I wish that he understood what pain it causes me to live in the constant fear of what he threatens with. He has to learn that lesson somehow.

 

[Red]

We here does he disappear to, do you know?

 

[Darksektori]

Drinks 5 days out of 7.

I've never been a huge drinker I don't know why, alcohol is probably the most overrated drug next to nicotine. Except Absinthe theres something quite mystical about that stuff, I have a form of synthasesia where I can taste colors so I always opt for green, purple or pink colors because of the sweet taste of those colors, and absinthe is usually green. But I never really got drunk except maybe 2 or 3 times in my life and I never really enjoyed the feeling

 

[Red]

Aw cool like Jimi Hendrix!
Only his was sounds/vision wasn't it?
What do other colours taste like??

 

[Evacplan33]

We here does he disappear to, do you know?

To his truck to get his "CTB kit".

I've never been a huge drinker I don't know why, alcohol is probably the most overrated drug next to nicotine. Except Absinthe theres something quite mystical about that stuff, I have a form of synthasesia where I can taste colors so I always opt for green, purple or pink colors because of the sweet taste of those colors, and absinthe is usually green. But I never really got drunk except maybe 2 or 3 times in my life and I never really enjoyed the feeling

That's cool!!