Venting Heartbreak is killing me

[title fight is cool]

I am not all that well, and I let the spill into the relationship.
I watched the control I had over myself slip away, I became irrational, desperate for what I had lost.
I became self destructive, not considering the consequences of my actions

I'm left alone now, feeling the pain of what I've built, the decisions I've made, the behavior I've displayed.
The town it all happened in became a representation of my failures, I could barely leave my home.
I got away, I left with hope to change, and I believed I could leave the thought of my ex behind.
I still think about them daily, at random times in the day, it's been months and I can't move on.

I wonder deeply what's keeping me hooked. I torture myself by rechecking their social media, I try to keep myself away.
They've moved on, they're doing better actually. I'm happy about that, and I'm angry too.
I feel like a chud, like a huge loser.

 

[pelicanportal]

Block them or delete your SM, it will help a little. I am sorry this happened to you.

 

[seeyoulater26]

I agree with pelicanportal. I know it's easier said than done, but for your own well-being, please block them from your accounts. It takes so much willpower and even more to fight the intense desire to unblock and check again, but you can do it. I am rooting for you.

They were a very important part of your life. Of course, you crave their presence. That's what's keeping you hooked. Even through small updates... watching their life in pictures. And I understand. But sadly, in life, we don't always end up in the same paths as the people we love. And that's a lot to take in despite how simple it sounds. But please believe that keeping their journey out of view will give you a clearer one of yours. "Outta sight, outta mind." It is one of the hardest things to do but it can be a very important step forward in your healing.

 

[idkwhattodoman]

I agree, deleting and blocking will really help. The idea of the relationship is an addiction and you're going to have withdraws. You also need to recognize the flaws in your ex partner. No one is perfect. Recognize your own flaws, dig into them really deep. Try to put in the work and you'll be proud of yourself. I know its really cringe but loving yourself is the key to filling your void. Find your purpose again and keep yourself busy.

 

[seeyoulater26]

Hope you're feeling better today, @title fight is cool.