Healing

[bearbrikk]

I feel everything, every emotion in this world right now. I don't know what to do, what to say. I don't understand this world and the people in it. Every day is a working job for me. I am a chameleon, who morphs into someone/something, to adjust to the people who I come across. To be liked, to be seen, heard, and loved. I came to understand, that right now that is my only goal in life. To belong. All of my conditions just make the pain of disappointment 10x worse. Right now, at this moment, I am mourning a ´what if´. I have BPD and autism. I get attached to people rather quickly if I connect with them. I have had a convo with someone who was like a breath of fresh air yesterday. I unfortunately got a bit attached and now that I know it's over, I just feel the pain. I am mourning the loss of someone/something ( a friendship ) that I never even had. I am trying to let go and just be grateful for the experience of them talking to me.
So I am trying!

 

[jinx <3]

I totally get that. I don't have BPD (my gf does if that makes any difference) but I understand getting easily attached. I also get attached to people I meet easily and it definitely hurts me often. Sometimes I mourn the loss of fictional characters that I create in my head to talk to. I'll create these beautiful, wonderful people in my head, and when they don't actually exist to talk to me, I feel immensely sad. Hopefully, we both find peace in our lives and can meet the people we deserve so that we can finally belong.

 

[bearbrikk]

I totally get that. I don't have BPD (my gf does if that makes any difference) but I understand getting easily attached. I also get attached to people I meet easily and it definitely hurts me often. Sometimes I mourn the loss of fictional characters that I create in my head to talk to. I'll create these beautiful, wonderful people in my head, and when they don't actually exist to talk to me, I feel immensely sad. Hopefully, we both find peace in our lives and can meet the people we deserve so that we can finally belong.

That sounds like true happiness if that could only happen..

 

[LaughingGoat]

This may not be useful advice to you, but just sharing something that's helped me in terms of feeling a struggle to adjust to those around me is engaging in something I find meaningful/joyful on a daily basis to be able to appreciate. Spending time with animals and nature & volunteering in particular is something I love and there is no real "expectation" like there is in typical social interactions between people. Animals don't really expect more than maybe some treats and pets & volunteer work isn't usually stressful like typical work can be. I also find social interactions often quite draining, difficult & get wrapped up in my head around them, so doing those things lets me let go of that stress and just live in the moment.