He said he'd never do it again

[PapaYeehaw]

I was stupid to trust a guy I've been on and off with for years. We've been at I love yous for over a year now. He randomly blocked me out of the blue and is with his awful friend that he's just using. His friend SA'd my ex best friend in high school, and tried to do the same with him. All happened the same day my sister blew up at me for even going into my own home and said I can't see her kids again because of my "risky" lifestyle. Her examples as to why were thar I'm polyamorous and that him, my bf, and I dressed as the powerpuff girls. My bf is blocked by him too, but they were very close. We did everything for him. Sounds all so childish for a 21 year old. I'm sick of everything. I'm living with my bf right now and I'm just waiting for the opportunity to use the shotgun. I have no more close friends anymore. All the other ones walked out too. I'm sick of relying on people. I just want this to be over. Does anyone know how effective a shotgun to the head is? I know to put it in your mouth and aim it toward the top back part. It's either that or I drink myself to death.