Venting Having to wait for CTB sucks

[HorribleFeelings1]

the only reason I'm here is because I'm waiting for my ex (who I consider my whole life) to move away so I can CTB without the shame and guilt of her finding out while she lives in my city. She is waiting for her house to sell so she can move. I was gonna plan to wait for her to leave but it might take a long time and I can't handle that. However her birthday is March 12 and I want to wait for her birthday so I can give her an amazing birthday present before I CTB and leave (suggestions/ideas on what to give her is requested (: )

In the meantime of me thinking of what present I should give her, it's gonna suck having to wait a whole damn month but during that month I can plan on spending time with my friends and family one more time and I can do what I love the most before I CTB. This month is gonna suck the most and hurt me the most. I wish I didn't care about what will happen after my death. I just need a little more strength to wait here till her birthday so I can finally give her my love and leave. I don't want to care anymore, I want to die in peace. My CTB should be around the end of March, I'll be needing you SS family.

 

[faust]

It is so good you care that much about the other person... I think that's a good idea to wait until her birthday. Well, I don't actually know what she likes but can be something only you will understand. You know, there are some phrases, jokes and things that only two people know about. Or maybe she has some hobbies, maybe collecting something or like skiing/jogging,etc. People like items which are connected to their hobbies

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

It is so good you care that much about the other person... I think that's a good idea to wait until her birthday. Well, I don't actually know what she likes but can be something only you will understand. You know, there are some phrases, jokes and things that only two people know about. Or maybe she has some hobbies, maybe collecting something or like skiing/jogging,etc. People like items which are connected to their hobbies

YES good ideas, thank you so much for the kind words and for the advice!!!

 

[DrummerWhoLovesMilk]

the only reason I'm here is because I'm waiting for my ex (who I consider my whole life) to move away so I can CTB without the shame and guilt of her finding out while she lives in my city. She is waiting for her house to sell so she can move. I was gonna plan to wait for her to leave but it might take a long time and I can't handle that. However her birthday is March 12 and I want to wait for her birthday so I can give her an amazing birthday present before I CTB and leave (suggestions/ideas on what to give her is requested (: )

In the meantime of me thinking of what present I should give her, it's gonna suck having to wait a whole damn month but during that month I can plan on spending time with my friends and family one more time and I can do what I love the most before I CTB. This month is gonna suck the most and hurt me the most. I wish I didn't care about what will happen after my death. I just need a little more strength to wait here till her birthday so I can finally give her my love and leave. I don't want to care anymore, I want to die in peace. My CTB should be around the end of March, I'll be needing you SS family.

How long ago did you split with your ex? I wouldn't give you ex any presents unless you are trying to inflict some kind of emotional damage this person. Your best bet is to just cease contact with this person.

I don't know about you, but I wish that my death would cause no one pain. Sadly, if I went to the other side I know my parents would be devastated and I wish I could change that.

 

[BearNoMore]

the only reason I'm here is because I'm waiting for my ex (who I consider my whole life) to move away so I can CTB without the shame and guilt of her finding out while she lives in my city. She is waiting for her house to sell so she can move. I was gonna plan to wait for her to leave but it might take a long time and I can't handle that. However her birthday is March 12 and I want to wait for her birthday so I can give her an amazing birthday present before I CTB and leave (suggestions/ideas on what to give her is requested (: )

In the meantime of me thinking of what present I should give her, it's gonna suck having to wait a whole damn month but during that month I can plan on spending time with my friends and family one more time and I can do what I love the most before I CTB. This month is gonna suck the most and hurt me the most. I wish I didn't care about what will happen after my death. I just need a little more strength to wait here till her birthday so I can finally give her my love and leave. I don't want to care anymore, I want to die in peace. My CTB should be around the end of March, I'll be needing you SS family.

I understand your desire to provide a positive experience or meaningful/big material object as a gift to your ex. You still have love and it is hard to quell that urge. However I agree with the previous poster and would consider choosing against it as it may reopen the pain on their end or reignite the bad feelings that they may just be starting to get over.

That said, if you're set on a gift, I'd suggest a trip somewhere. Research has shown over the long term people place a higher value on and derive more happiness from experiences than material things. Seeing a new culture and having a disconnect from the routine of day to day life is exceptionally rewarding and provides amazing personal growth. There are very cheap locations in South America that are still safe and beautiful if you are on a tight budget.

 

[faust]

YES good ideas, thank you so much for the kind words and for the advice!!! ❤

Comparing to others, I have a little bit different point of view. It is so rare to see good relationships between ex's and that is not right when all the bridges are burnt. You are not strangers to each other, you still have that connection.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

@BearNoMore @DrummerWhoLovesMilk im
Not giving her a present because I have feelings for her or for love in general, I'm giving her a present because she is my best friend. You can be friends with your ex anytime, it's more than love as a couple but where you came from before you both started dating, friends.

@fraust you understand the most! Yes me and her Still have a connection. I'm so glad you have a similar point of me like mine (:

 

[BearNoMore]

@BearNoMore @DrummerWhoLovesMilk im
Not giving her a present because I have feelings for her or for love in general, I'm giving her a present because she is my best friend. You can be friends with your ex anytime, it's more than love as a couple but where you came from before you both started dating, friends.

@fraust you understand the most! Yes me and her Still have a connection. I'm so glad you have a similar point of me like mine (:

I understand your position. I'm actually very close friends with almost all my exes. We talk frequently, see one another, support each other emotionally, etc. We don't even have a sexual aspect of our relationships anymore, just genuine friendship.

I only bring up the potential pain of the gift due to the possibility you CTB. It may be hard to feel positive about it after the fact or may reignite pain from you going.

All of that said, you know her best and know the dynamic between you two the best. If you do think a gift is best, I'll reiterate my idea about a trip (ideally international). I'm biased as those have been the best times of my life, but I genuinely think it's a beautiful experience and she would be truly grateful to have it.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I understand your position. I'm actually very close friends with almost all my exes. We talk frequently, see one another, support each other emotionally, etc. We don't even have a sexual aspect of our relationships anymore, just genuine friendship.

I only bring up the potential pain of the gift due to the possibility you CTB. It may be hard to feel positive about it after the fact or may reignite pain from you going.

All of that said, you know her best and know the dynamic between you two the best. If you do think a gift is best, I'll reiterate my idea about a trip (ideally international). I'm biased as those have been the best times of my life, but I genuinely think it's a beautiful experience and she would be truly grateful to have it.

Very well said! I understand now. I just want her to know that us splitting apart or her isn't the reason I'm gonna CTB, I just want her to show her one last time I did truly love her and apologize for what made us break apart. I want to make her bday present the absolute best

 

[TAW122]

I felt similarly too. While I am not required to wait and could just CTB (almost anytime and had chances in the past), I just had some things I wanted to do as well as being more than 100% ready to go before finally following through. I would say that I've made up my mind, but I just wanted to get a few things done before finally pulling the trigger (pun intended) and ending it all.