Having to be an adult is making me suicidal

[sserafim]

I've thought a lot about why I'm feeling this way and I think it honestly just comes down to this: having to be an adult is making me suicidal. I hate adulting and the fact that I'm expected to make my own living. I want to ctb to escape having to be an adult and enter the working world. I don't want to have to work for a living or be part of this capitalistic system. I would rather die.

Having to work for 40+ years (now in this economy/day and age, even closer to 60) just seems so meaningless and unfulfilling. It doesn't even seem like a life in my opinion, only an existence. There should be more to life than having to work and make money just to survive. I hate the fact that it costs money just to exist, and that we're all forced to participate in this capitalistic system/society. I hate the idea of being chained down to a job for the rest of my life. I want to be free, and far away from society.

Btw, I honestly never even wanted to grow up or be an adult in the first place. I never even saw myself living past 18, but I'm 23 now…

 

[Inthewind]

Same bruh, there are communities out there that don't work like at a job technically, theres people who travel and lean on help of passerbys while they travel or try to be influencers and take pics as they travel, or sell stuff while they go around (uncertain how exactly but you get the picture), van life, then the people who live out in wilderness and only supply for themselves and earn for themselves, or live in communities who help supply eachother like having a garden and trading to get more supplies, stuff like that. Then you sorta I dont think will be part of the system.

 

[sserafim]

Same bruh, there are communities out there that don't work like at a job technically, theres people who travel and lean on help of passerbys while they travel or try to be influencers and take pics as they travel, or sell stuff while they go around (uncertain how exactly but you get the picture), van life, then the people who live out in wilderness and only supply for themselves and earn for themselves, or live in communities who help supply eachother like having a garden and trading to get more supplies, stuff like that. Then you sorta I dont think will be part of the system.

Yeah, I've thought about joining a monastery to escape the capitalistic system. I think that life as a monastic would actually be meaningful. Monks and nuns seem to be fulfilled by life, they have a "higher purpose" that they're striving for and aiming towards.

I just think that modern day life under capitalism lacks meaning. I hate how everything is about money and greed and profit. I hate how people are just seen as workers and labor, and how the rich make money off of the poor. Capitalism literally relies on the exploitation of others and their labor. I hate how the world is run in such a cruel system, and in such an inhumane fashion. I hate how shallow and materialistic society is, and I hate consumerism and the idea of consumer culture.

Capitalism is literally a cancer, it relies on infinite growth. I hate the expectation to be a part of this cancerous system. I would rather die than partake in it. Society is literally a pyramid scheme, and I don't want to buy into it.

 

[eternal.peace]

Capitalism is literally a cancer, it relies on infinite growth. I hate the expectation to be a part of this cancerous system. I would rather die than partake in it. Society is literally a pyramid scheme, and I don't want to buy into it.

Ugh I relate to this so deeply. Capitalism has caused so much suffering. I don't want to buy into this either, but unfortunately haven't found my way out of it yet. It certainly adds to my stress and anxiety, and overall desire to ctb. I've often thought about joining a monastery as well, especially when I was more passionate about my spiritual path. Anhedonia and apathy have me so disconnected from that right now unfortunately

 

[rainseahorse]

I've actually also considered the monk life, maybe I'll get a different view of life there. I'm almost 22, my personal goal is to save and invest smartly so that I can retire by 35. This is especially feasible for me since I don't spend and I have no plans to have children...

 

[jbear824]

I feel you OP. I can't work because of mental illness and I'm now learning what happens in a capitalistic society if you can't do that. I don't blame you for wanting to die rather than be a wage slave. I'm not capable of being one. I'm going to die in next year or two because of it.

Imo it's a totally valid reason for wanting to ctb. We live in a work or die culture, filled with people who have been brainwashed to perpetuate that culture.

If I wasn't so afraid of pain or abandoning my partner, I would ctb. Instead I'm doomed to wait for whatever painful natural death awaits someone who can't work and can't house themselves or survive outside.

 

[sserafim]

I've actually also considered the monk life, maybe I'll get a different view of life there. I'm almost 22, my personal goal is to save and invest smartly so that I can retire by 35. This is especially feasible for me since I don't spend and I have no plans to have children...

Oh I've heard about this. It's FIRE right? Tbh it seems worth it to have earlier freedom from the system. I'm sad that you'll have to sacrifice your 20s, but it'll pay off down the road.

Lol I might give this a try if I can actually find a job and have a career. The problem is finding a job that would allow this (one high-paying enough). Do you have any recs or ideas? I don't want children either so I probably won't have that many costs or expenses in life…

 

[lillmonix3]

It's like you described me. I'm also afraid of it, I don't want to work, I don't want to communicate with people.I'm looking for a way to work from home, but I'm not good at anything . I'm just incompetence and a burden to people.I would like to die, but I feel sorry for my parents, I don't know what will happen to them.It depresses me so much.I thought that I would wait until my parents died, and then I would end my life.But I see that this will not happen, and I will die sooner than they.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

Look, I understand your point of view.

Capitalism itself is a disaster, and in my opinion, it only promotes consumerism.
But I think you should consider one thing.
If you have the opportunity to have a job, you can earn some money that might be useful for the three things you've mentioned too many times:

1. Having money can open the door to more CTB methods, some of which might even be more peaceful.
2. That money can help you move to a monastery, as you often mention.
3. I guess you live in the most capitalist country in the world. If that's the case, let me ask you something. Have you noticed that beneath the country you live in, there are several politically left-leaning countries? Of course, they're not socialist, but they have many left-leaning tendencies. With that money, you have the opportunity to distance yourself from that world dominated by capitalism. And even though those countries also have a capitalist economy, it's not as visibly pronounced as in the Big Apple. Furthermore, in some of them, you have the opportunity to find something that might interest you. Do you know what I'm talking about? Of course, I'm talking about more CTB methods, because there you'll have a better chance of finding F and N, although getting F is risky but guaranteed, while N is safer but not guaranteed.

Well, this is just my comment, don't take it too seriously. Maybe there are circumstances that don't allow you to do that...

 

[rainseahorse]

Oh I've heard about this. It's FIRE right? Tbh it seems worth it to have earlier freedom from the system. I'm sad that you'll have to sacrifice your 20s, but it'll pay off down the road.

Lol I might give this a try if I can actually find a job and have a career. The problem is finding a job that would allow this (one high-paying enough). Do you have any recs or ideas? I don't want children either so I probably won't have that many costs or expenses in life…

looking into FIRE, i think that yea, it's basically what i'm aiming for. i'm planning to be a software developer -- ideally one that works from home. i went to community college for free and transferred to a school that gives lots of financial help so i didn't have to go too deeply into debt. another route would be some coding bootcamp where a free option would be theodinproject. the downside is that with either option you're going to have to somehow put in enough time to get things done. ive learned to turn off some of my more useless thoughts and just work, so ive made it pretty far these past 3 years. if all goes well in the next 1 year i'll be able to start off earning money. if not, well, i'm on this site. :)

 

[7thundercloud]

Me too. I miss being a child a lot. My mom doesn't want me to drop out of college or go to a cheaper school OR go to trade school. And on top of that I decided to commute to college to save money but, living at home makes me feel like shit. My step-dad is a dickhead. I wish I could move out but, everything is expensive and I cant do shit w a job that pays $15 an hour. Also they expect me to do so many chores around the house and it just gets overwhelming when they nag about every little thing I do. This world is so tiring, and not worth it at all.

 

[sserafim]

looking into FIRE, i think that yea, it's basically what i'm aiming for. i'm planning to be a software developer -- ideally one that works from home. i went to community college for free and transferred to a school that gives lots of financial help so i didn't have to go too deeply into debt. another route would be some coding bootcamp where a free option would be theodinproject. the downside is that with either option you're going to have to somehow put in enough time to get things done. ive learned to turn off some of my more useless thoughts and just work, so ive made it pretty far these past 3 years. if all goes well in the next 1 year i'll be able to start off earning money. if not, well, i'm on this site. :)

Oh nice! I've also thought about breaking into tech as well. Unfortunately I have a useless stem degree (for anything other than med or grad school), and most tech companies require a CS degree nowadays. If I could go back in time, I would've majored in CS. Btw, did you major in CS (or engineering)? I tried learning programming by myself but it's hard to be self-taught….I also heard that coding bootcamps were a risky and uncertain investment. I don't want to spend money on one if it's not even certain that I'll get a job afterwards. And the problem is that I have no money anyways….

 

[rainseahorse]

Oh nice! I've also thought about breaking into tech as well. Unfortunately I have a useless stem degree (for anything other than med or grad school), and most tech companies require a CS degree nowadays. If I could go back in time I would've majored in CS or SDS. Btw, did you major in CS (or engineering)? I tried learning programming by myself but it's hard to be self-taught….I also heard that coding bootcamps were a risky investment

my major is EECS, or electrical engineering & computer science. i'm basically allowed to choose what courses i want though, so i'm focusing on cs courses. college or bootcamp all comes with its risks, being in college i feel more compelled to do my work in addition to the curriculum. it's still necessary to do stuff myself in my free time though otherwise i'm not getting a job. similar benefits can be seen in a bootcamp. you can even just try a free option like theodinproject and see if you can dedicate time with just a structured curriculum. less to motivate you, but shouldn't be risky, financially. for myself i know i'm not really good at following through with things so i decided to go through with the college route and was fortunate that my college waived most of the costs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Definitely. I hate being an adult. I wouldn't feel comfortable living off of others either though- that would make me feel guilty and if I didn't- they would remind me to feel guilty. I wouldn't want to be a child again though either. I like having independence.

I hate being a slave though. That's all we really are. Slaves to our own biological needs, slaves to our parents who brought us here and insist that we stay. Slaves to society. I'm tired of it all. I don't want to be a part of this system.

 

[Grav]

There's ways to live free of the capitalist economy but it's not always easy and I've desired to do something useful rather than make $$ for someone else but here I am coming up on 40yrs getting a real paycheck. If I had to do it all again I would have stuck with a trade school vs 4 yr. Trades can't easily be offshored and cheaper = shittier job usually so "walmart trades people" wouldn't be very desirable. Continuing in the wage slave lifestyle is a chunk of why I'm on here but I've made my choice and I live (or don't) with it.

 

[Dying Knight]

Capitalism literally relies on the exploitation of others and their labor.

I wouldn't agree with that, because I realize that many things I ever enjoyed in my life became possible only because thousands of people put a lot of effort for making them possible. For example, the devices we use for exchanging our thoughts here are not just a gift from the skies, they were made by a great amount of scientists, programmers, workers, etc. I don't think that the necessity to do something useful for other people is an inherent evil. In case if I get a satisfactory reward for all my efforts in the given system, it's a fair exchange for me. If the reward for efforts were insufficient, then yes, living by these rules would make much less sense.

You can't definitely tell if you'll be satisfied with your rewards before you actually try to play this game for a while. A possible picture that you draw in your imagination may be better or worse than the reality.

 

[Minsu]

Same here, mentally I'm 18 at best.
When it comes to capitalism..
I'm very undecided about if capitalism is good or bad.
My country and other rich east Asian countries (Japan, Singapore, Taiwan) became rich because of capitalism and especially the very high effectiveness in our economies.
Look at the communist North Korea. We are the same ethnic group, but Koreans in the North are very poor people only because of the communist ineffective economy. Yeah, there's no unemployment in North Korea because everyone has to have a job and work there.
But it's very ineffective for the whole economy after all. However companies in South Korea employ only workers who are needed for the working process. Therefore the effectiveness of South Korean's companies and factories are MUCH higher than state owned companies in North Korea.
This leads to the state that people in North Korea are becoming poorer and pooerer over time.


On the other hand I think that capitalism creates much stress, pressure, anxiety and depression because everyone has to do his best, otherwise he gets fired and possibly becames homeless.

So I really don't know what's the best. I don't like capitalism nor communism/socialism

 

[sserafim]

my major is EECS, or electrical engineering & computer science. i'm basically allowed to choose what courses i want though, so i'm focusing on cs courses. college or bootcamp all comes with its risks, being in college i feel more compelled to do my work in addition to the curriculum. it's still necessary to do stuff myself in my free time though otherwise i'm not getting a job. similar benefits can be seen in a bootcamp. you can even just try a free option like theodinproject and see if you can dedicate time with just a structured curriculum. less to motivate you, but shouldn't be risky, financially. for myself i know i'm not really good at following through with things so i decided to go through with the college route and was fortunate that my college waived most of the costs.

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! Btw is it okay if I DM you to talk about it further? I really want to break into tech but idek what area to go into…thanks sm!

I wouldn't agree with that, because I realize that many things I ever enjoyed in my life became possible only because thousands of people put a lot of effort for making them possible. For example, the devices we use for exchanging our thoughts here are not just a gift from the skies, they were made by a great amount of scientists, programmers, workers, etc. I don't think that the necessity to do something useful for other people is an inherent evil. In case if I get a satisfactory reward for all my efforts in the given system, it's a fair exchange for me. If the reward for efforts were insufficient, then yes, living by these rules would make much less sense.

You can't definitely tell if you'll be satisfied with your rewards before you actually try to play this game for a while. A possible picture that you draw in your imagination may be better or worse than the reality.

Thank you for your thoughts. It was interesting to hear another perspective. On another hand though, why should we be obligated to be "useful" to other people? Is it necessary for us to be? Personally, I don't believe that there's a necessity for me to be useful to other people. I didn't ask to be alive anyways, and the purpose of life is not to be useful to others. In fact, there isn't even a meaning or purpose to life at all. Therefore, why is there an expectation that I have to be "useful"? Why should I have to make an effort to participate in the system or play the game? What's the point in trying? We all die in the end anyways

Same here, mentally I'm 18 at best.
When it comes to capitalism..
I'm very undecided about if capitalism is good or bad.
My country and other rich east Asian countries (Japan, Singapore, Taiwan) became rich because of capitalism and especially the very high effectiveness in our economies.
Look at the communist North Korea. We are the same ethnic group, but Koreans in the North are very poor people only because of the communist ineffective economy. Yeah, there's no unemployment in North Korea because everyone has to have a job and work there.
But it's very ineffective for the whole economy after all. However companies in South Korea employ only workers who are needed for the working process. Therefore the effectiveness of South Korean's companies and factories are MUCH higher than state owned companies in North Korea.
This leads to the state that people in North Korea are becoming poorer and pooerer over time.


On the other hand I think that capitalism creates much stress, pressure, anxiety and depression because everyone has to do his best, otherwise he gets fired and possibly becames homeless.

So I really don't know what's the best. I don't like capitalism nor communism/socialism

Me neither…btw why don't you like socialism? I think socialism would be the ideal. Also what about like anarchy or something? Lol maybe anarchy is the solution

Btw I wonder what would happen if capitalism eventually collapsed, or there was a major disaster that upended and destroyed society. I always wondered what a post-collapse world and society would look like….I think that people will inevitably organize into societies again tho, but it would be cool to consider

 

[rainseahorse]

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! Btw is it okay if I DM you to talk about it further? I really want to break into tech but idek what area to go into…thanks sm!

Thank you for your thoughts. It was interesting to hear another perspective. On another hand though, why should we be obligated to be "useful" to other people? Is it necessary for us to be? Personally, I don't believe that there's a necessity for me to be useful to other people. I didn't ask to be alive anyways, and the purpose of life is not to be useful to others. In fact, there isn't even a meaning or purpose to life at all. Therefore, why is there an expectation that I have to be "useful"? Why should I have to make an effort to participate in the system or play the game? What's the point in trying? We all die in the end anyways

Me neither…what about like anarchy or something? Lol maybe anarchy is the solution

Btw I wonder what would happen if capitalism eventually collapsed, or there was a major disaster that upended and destroyed society. I always wondered what a post-collapse world and society would look like….I think that people will inevitably organize into societies again tho, but it would be cool to consider

of course! you can dm me, i'm happy to talk about it