Help Having second thoughts about suicide

[mr-ant-tennas]

I plan to ctb by May. I've ordered the KN and I'm slowly putting together a plan. But I'm having second thoughts. I don't want to live for some grand purpose, but I want to stick around just to see the endings of my favourite games at least. Is that a cowardly request to life? Am I unworthy if I postpone?

 

[maylurker]

Is that a cowardly request to life? Am I unworthy if I postpone?

no why would you think that? i wish i could live long to see how the world changes too

 

[NutOrat]

Is that a cowardly request to life? Am I unworthy if I postpone?

No reason to postpone would be cowardly or would make you unworthy. There is no rush (I know it can seem there is), but if you truly believe in free choice, then there is also no obligation to follow through with it, only you decide, and no-one has the right to judge you for it.

I also have games I want to play when they come out (Outward 2 especially), and other media I want to see the end of (Made in Abyss), and I'm willing to wait till then. Is this a small reason to keep living? Sure. Is that in any way bad? Why would it be? Also, I assume you mean Deltarune for one of the games, but what are the other ones? I'm curious!

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I don't think so. It's always going to be a personal choice, and I've also postponed my date just to "see what will happen". In fact, I've also postponed my date because I want to see how a fictional story I'm following will end, the only reason I don't use that excuse anymore is because nothing interests me. No harm in wanting to stick around for a bit longer if the timing doesn't feel right.

 

[Worndown]

Nobody should end it until they are truly ready.
You are not.
Go easy on yourself. Life is tough enough!

 

[Hvergelmir]

Am I unworthy if I postpone?

What does unworthy even mean in this context? What authority are you appealing to?
You have no obligation to kill yourself. Most choose not to.

 

[mr-ant-tennas]

What does unworthy even mean in this context? What authority are you appealing to?
You have no obligation to kill yourself. Most choose not to.

My ex fiance would say that I was always too much of a coward to CTB. Between the two of us, he'd be more likely to CTB. It is mostly his words that haunt me. Maybe I am a coward indeed.

 

[Worndown]

Or you choice of fiance was the problem.
Enjoy them being gone.

 

[moonlightbeach]

I want to stick around just to see the endings of my favourite games at least

Go for it, i'm not in haste because i am sure of my suicide. Time will tell you and you'll feel it. If you've had any attempts or have had suicidal ideation for a long time it makes sense you're more stable about it. It's your property and you have control of it

 

[Hvergelmir]

It is mostly his words that haunt me.

Mean words, but there's no honor or anything to reclaim here. He probably don't want you dead, and if he do, that's even more of a reason to ignore him.
If you want to prove bravery and courage, there are better ways.

 

[eternalpace]

There's nothing wrong with having a variety of thoughts about CTBing. In your case, May is five months away so you have plenty of time to see how things go, research your method, and make sure that you truly want to CTB.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm having second thoughts now that my anxiety is lower. Silly as it sounds, I suffer less when I drink less coffee. Maybe I can reach a state of mind where I can "start over" in my late 30s.