Having everything I want makes me more suicidal

[burninghill]

I feel like all my problems are slowly being solved, but it's never enough. I have this unignorable urge to throw it all away and disappoint everyone. I want to turn my back on everyone I love and make them wonder why they couldn't save me.

When I close my eyes, all I can do is imagine my boyfriend, parents and friends crying over and over again forever and ever until their faces are red and they can't breathe anymore. None of it matters to me, I feel like I've gotten everything I ever wanted and experienced everything I thought could fix me.
I'm still the same mess I was before.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

When i had almost everything I thought would make me happy and it didn't, it was such a crushing feeling. I understand. It really sucks